RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0

The lunch ladies played the game, how many carbs dishes can we put in a meal. Huge ball of rice with tiny specs of veggie, check. Ttokbokki, check. Jeon (Korean pancake), check. Hot water with rice in it (soup), check.   

I don't think I have ever seen so many children get seconds  lol!

Sounds like my lunch. A big scoop of rice, tteok in the meat (though the dish has more bones that mean) and tteok in the soup. I don't understand how they don't get sick of the constant rice.

I think it's just cultural, honestly.  I grew up eating rice but in tandem with a good medley of western foods, so I don't feel the need to have rice every day much less with every meal. 

I imagine if you grow up having something every day without much exposure to a variety of other cuisines, then it just becomes habit?  I do feel like the younger generations are developing broader palates here due to the influx of western fast food franchises and availability of foreign food in general.  A goodly number of my students don't even like kimchi, their country's national pride and joy    The same students also don't seem to fancy vegetables in general though  I've seen their lunch trays (at my middle schools where it's primarily self serve).

Sounds like my lunch. A big scoop of rice, tteok in the meat (though the dish has more bones that mean) and tteok in the soup. I don't understand how they don't get sick of the constant rice.

That rice soup is called Nurungji (누룽지) soup. Just scorched rice and hot water.

I think "tteok in the soup" would be ddeok-guk (떡국). Personally, I like rice and ddeok (rice cakes), so I don't mind eating that stuff. But that's just me.

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They say that writing things down helps with thinking about it and dealing with things, so here I am.....

We all have reasons that we came here, and often we get asked this by Koreans. It's a legitimate query. To know my reason we need to go back to 2012. I work at a movie theatre in Toronto. I've never lived there before and it's exciting. There's a special screening of Apocalypse Now at TIFF and Walter Murch, the editor and inventor of 5.1 sound will be there.

  Who wants to go with me?

  I will go.

It's my Korean co-worker. Shit, I've never really spent time with anyone whose English is their second language. What if it's awkward? What if I can't understand her?

We go. She's nice. We get some drinks afterwards and all is fine! She's really nice and curious and while her English ain't great, it's good. I start to like this woman. I tell her I like her a few weeks later. I get shot down. I don't give up that easy though.

It takes two more attempts, over the course of 4 months,  and I bluntly just tell her to get a coffee with me. She's leaving in 4 months,

  why Kevin?

  Do you want to spend the rest of your life without knowing what it would be like to properly date me? We've practically been dating for the last 6 months anyway, we hang out all the time, and I know you like me, too.

  Okay, let's do it. *kis kiss kiss*

This is the happiest I have ever been. The 4 months prior to her moving back here are the best 4 months of my life. We have a picnic.

  Do you think we have a future?
 
Yes, I will come teach English in Korea. I'l come find you and we can be together and we can move back to Canada one day.

  I love you.

 :police:I love you, too.

She leaves. I see her off at the airport. I cry on a bench in the terminal. The work begins. I go get my TESOL In-Class course. I also go to the beach.

This beach part seems like a weird aside but it'll come around and I'll distill it down. I go with friends. I go piss, there's an iPhone 4S on the toilet paper dispenser (keep in mind, this was a 6 month old phone at this point). Snap, sell this shit. 4 hours later. "Ahhhh, if I lost my phone, I know I'd want to have someone try and give it back to me. (Thanks Dr. Dre)"
I figure out who. "Kevin, red or white?" "Ahh, thanks. Red." I bike to my friends house. I have the wine. I proceed to get completely off my head, and it wasn't just wine (I won't incriminate myself here, but you get it). Bike home, no helmet.

Wake up. The ****? Where am I? Oh shit. I'm in critical care. A vein had burst on the inside of my skull and started filling up my cranial cavity with blood. Puts pressure on the brain.

  Kevin, if you'd been another 5 mins late to the hospital, you'd be functionally retarded, 10 mins? You'd be dead. I just want you to understand the severity.

 

Lucky me I was 3 blocks away from St. Mike's when I crashed, best neurosurgeons in Canada. This was the tail end of June. I could have had my TESOL 4 days after the accident.

Anyway, this delays my TESOL, which delays my life. I'm going to Korea, it'll just take a little longer. I feel like I can get away with a lot of stuff. "I had brain surgery, cut me some slack."

End of November.

  I don't know if I love you anymore. Where are you? Why aren't you coming?

  I'm sorry, baby. I'm coming.

  Get a job before the new year, or I can't do this anymore.

Shit. I pick up my life. I work hard. I get a job on the 26thof December. Flying in on Valentine's day. Hell yeah.
 
To be continued......

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Back!

So. I land in Incheon. I'd only ever been to the states at this point, and wow, big friggin deal, a Canadian went to the States, right?

She's there. It's like a movie. We hug.

  I'm sorry.

  Why? 

  It's not going to work.

  What?

 'm sorry.

I got dumped at the airport.

Cue 4 months in a new country, with a job I've never done before and wanting to die every day. Foreign Teacher Boss catches you crying in the bathroom at the bar. It's hell.

But it gets better. It always does. Make some friends a few years later at GIFLE (teacher training) These are my bros.

Cue March of this year (4 years after The Incheon Incident) I look at that little ticker feed at the top right of the FB.

Sam R (my mate) and JHK (my ex) are now friends.

No. 

TEXT:

  You know who that is, right?

  Ya, mate. She's in my friend's group. Some other people, but you don't know them.

Now, I should mention that this is fine with me. I would never dictate who my friends could be friends with. It just came off as a complete surprise.

Cue a month later. I go to Suwon for U-20. Leave the game, ho shit, it's Sam R! Let's grab some beers in Suwon! Same R is with his mates Rich and Jeeho, from his other friend group.

Get some beers. It comes to light that I am, in fact, that Kevin. I'm on the edges of this friend group now.

Rich:  Hold on, you're Kevin? Like, Kevin Kevin?

  Yup.

Rich: Holy shit, I've heard a lot about you.

FA FOOKS SAKE, can this woman not start bleeding back into my life. Christ.

Cue another 3 weeks. (Last weekend) I'm camping on an island with a completely seperate friend group, there's no over lap here. We're getting drunk at the 보건소 (that's a story for another time hahaha). I'm talking to Beth and Gerald and Donald are talking amongst themselves next to me. Donald is a huge onlne dater and he's quite successful. He's a handsome guy.

  (Perfect emoji, jesus) [To Gerald] So this is the most recent one I've been talking to, she's cute as hell.

  (never missing an opportunity to see a cute girl) Hey, who's that?

Look at screen. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

I laugh. I laugh and I laugh just because of the absurdity of this situation.

Gerald: What the hell is so funny?

  You have one guess as to who that is. (He knows the story of why I came here, all my friends do, bit of a legendary story in that regard, the guy who got dumped at the airport)

Gerald: No................. ....

  Yup.

  What the **** are you two talking about?

To be continued.......... .............

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So, a couple that I know got engaged on Saturday. Sam R is in this group. We head to our second bar and after it's time for the third stop. There's.......... 8 of us?

  Uhhh, mate. JHK is going to be there, sorry man. It's my mates and I should go. I understand if you don't that's totally fine.

  God dammit.

  (woman who is hanging out with all of us for the first time) Why don't you just go? You don't have to talk to her.

  I'm going to say this as diplomatically as I can. Never fukking ask me that question again.

  Oh, okay.

So we split in two. Some go, some come with me. We drink at the CU outside Itawon stn. Two more leave to go with the others. It's me and a guy I've met once and he's ****** hammered.

  Where are they now? (I don't have a phone)

  They're at the Wolfhound. Sam R left apparently for the last train.

  Hmmmmmmm, maybe she's gone too, she never was a big drinker.

We arrive.

  Hey, , go check upstairs and let me know.

I don't know what happened but drunk dingus must have gone upstairs and been a loud fukking mouth, because 2 mins later, guess who comes down the stairs at the Wolfhound

  Hey, Kevin, it's been a long time. It's good to see you.

  Well, one of us can say that.

  How have you been?

  Better

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.
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  You understand I've avoided you all night? And now you're here and you want to make small talk, right?

  Sorry, take care.

And she left. It drives me insane. The non-chalance. Hey, what's up, friendo? How ya been?

Ugh.

Apparently when my friends arrived with Sam R, she kpt going around to all of them, "How's Kevin? What is he doing? Where is he living? How did you meet?"

Fukking awkward for them, they know this story I'm writing, all of it.

So what the hell do I do now? The two friendship circles with Sam R have been converging closer and closer for months. Do I just suck it up and participate? Do I go home at 9pm when 3차 rolls around? Because I can't rule the roost with the one friend group and tell them, "If you're my friend you won't go out with Sam R. He can go and you have to stay with me." I'm not a fukking psychopath.

Ugh. Such is life. And then today I wake up and I feel like shit, for 2 reasons, and I get a message 10 mins after I piss,

  Hey, Kevin. Do you mind if I phone you?

  Sure. How's Indonesia treating you?

What the f am I doing? hahahahahaa

Exams next week, and I only have one week of classes after that before summer vacation.

Was just informed by a coT that she expects me to cram a lesson from the book for my 3rd graders in that week before summer vacation, a lesson that will not be making it into the following semester. And these are for classes that she is NOT in charge of. When she saw that I was about to argue with her on that, she made the claim that this was upon request of the teacher who IS in charge of those classes.

And I know that's a lie, lmao.

In the end I decided to just SNIP.

But I really don't get how people can lie about things that are easily checked out. And also, why the **** would you try to throw your weight into an area where it not only doesn't belong but for something that is absolutely pointless? **** that noise, these kids are getting a movie or a game.

I'm in the same boat. Hilariously, the chapter is "At the Movies" but come on can we please have a LITTLE fun?

So what the hell do I do now? The two friendship circles with Sam R have been converging closer and closer for months. Do I just suck it up and participate? Do I go home at 9pm when 3차 rolls around? Because I can't rule the roost with the one friend group and tell them, "If you're my friend you won't go out with Sam R. He can go and you have to stay with me." I'm not a fukking psychopath.

I loved the emoticons to show who was talking.
I am so sorry about what happened to you. It's hard enough moving to a new country but doing that just to be with someone and then having them leave you? That makes it way worse. But props to you for sticking it out. You've stayed for 4 years so there must be something about Korea that you like.
Now... I'm going to give you some tough advice.
I know it's difficult seeing her and I know you'd rather do anything else than to talk to her or be around her. But it's been 4 years. I'm not saying you should be friends with her again. I'm not even saying you should talk to her again. I totally get why you wouldn't want to. However, you can't avoid her forever. Especially now that all of your friend groups are coming together. I personally think you should continue going out with your friends and participating even if she is there too. It's going to be hard the first couple of times but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by. If she tries to get close to you again and you aren't ok with that then let her know. Tell her you're there to be with your friends but that you're not there for her. But like I said. It's been 4 years. Maybe it's time to let yourself heal and move on.

yay humidity! 

Sunday afternoon on the way home I'm driving along. Waiting at a red light, this little old Matiz pulls into the empty left turn lane, turns on their hazards and drives right through the red. Nothing new, no biggie.

Our light turns green and we catch up to them almost immediately because they're really in no rush. Come to another red light. Little old Matiz goes to the empty far right lane, turns on their hazards and casually drives through the red.

The last I saw of them, they were off in the distance driving through the next red light which would be green if they'd waited at the previous red.

Presumably this person just casually drives through reds whenever they drive anywhere. Mind boggling.

yay humidity! 

Right, since last Thursday, it has that walk outside and sweatsville starts, kind of feel.  Cue damp pillows in the early morning.

My school is like a rainforest in the hallways 

Now... I'm going to give you some tough advice.
I know it's difficult seeing her and I know you'd rather do anything else than to talk to her or be around her. But it's been 4 years. I'm not saying you should be friends with her again. I'm not even saying you should talk to her again. I totally get why you wouldn't want to. However, you can't avoid her forever. Especially now that all of your friend groups are coming together. I personally think you should continue going out with your friends and participating even if she is there too. It's going to be hard the first couple of times but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by. If she tries to get close to you again and you aren't ok with that then let her know. Tell her you're there to be with your friends but that you're not there for her. But like I said. It's been 4 years. Maybe it's time to let yourself heal and move on.

I  know it's been a long time. It's just that I think about her all the time. I think, "Holy shit, I'm in Korea!" and that's a good thing, but it always comes back to WHY I came here. I don't hate her, the hate is long gone. But just seeing her. She's gorgeous and she's really, really well-liked by anyone who meets her.

I emailed her this morning and just told her we needed to sort this out. I can't be a puppy in the rain looking into the bar, hahaha. I don't like letting things fester. Just bloody deal with it! 

We'll see. I was an asshole on Saturday because I wanted to make her feel like shit. It's petty, I know. When I sobered up, I realised that I am actually curious about how she's doing too.

1. I get SO ANGRY when I see cars blasting through red lights ON SCHOOL DAYS IN A SCHOOL ZONE WITH CHILDREN ALL AROUND WALKING TO SCHOOL. How much of a self-absorbed mindless asshole do you have to be to do that?? It's not some rare thing either, it happens maybe 3 or 4 mornings out of 5. I wish the police would do their jobs and pull these people over, but anytime I see a cop at an intersection he's standing OUTSIDE of his car just watching people disobey the law. What is the point? One time the cop had a camera and was videotaping people's dangerous driving. They don't have cameras on their traffic lights here? It's not India or anything, but do people here realize they drive like complete fools?

Oh my God.  This.  A thousand times this.  I've seen PARENTS dropping their kids off by a school...  by running a red light in a car while the other students are crossing the street.  "MY KID IS PROTECTED BY A HYUNDAI, YOURS ISN'T, MUWAHAHA!" Unbelievable.

Was absolutely fuming in the cafeteria today.

I'm of the belief that kids need to learn to stand up to bullies, it's a massive opportunity for personal growth... However, there are times when intervention is necessary.

- About 4m from the teacher's table was a small class (probably 8 students) of what looked like 3rd or 4th graders (elem). The teacher was sitting at the same table, just two chairs from the boys in question.
One of the boys was repeatedly slapping the other boy on the cheeks... hard slaps. I could hear them, 4m away and in a noisy ass cafeteria. The boy being slapped feigned laughter and kept trying to get food to his mouth but the slapping made it impossible. The other boy then began doing closed-fist prodding punches. I could see the HR teacher trying her best not to make eye contact and simply ignore what was happening. One of the lunch ladies walked past the table, stopped to watch the boy get punched for a few seconds then walked off without saying anything. I had to get up and stop the ordeal. While and after reprimanding the bully, the HR teacher intentionally avoided eye contact from the situation and myself, despite sitting two chairs away, in plain view.

- I taught some 5th graders last week and there's one boy who's excessively perky, energetic and admittedly on the slow side. I try my best to give him opportunities to answer easy questions to boost his confidence, no mean feat since he likes answering every question with whatever random thought comes to mind. The other students always end up laughing or insulting him raucously whenever he gets something wrong.
At the end of class, I went to the loo to find him cowering in the corner, next to the urinal, while 5 other boys kept splashing him with water.

Initially I directed my anger at the Korean teachers. I'm always hearing how they're constantly having meetings, watching videos and attending workshops on bullying and child abuse. Yet, they're so pathetically useless when it comes to noticing and dealing with it.
Most seem to think that if the victim is feigning a smile or laugh while 5 other students take turns slapping them, it's just a joke.
However, I'm sure that many teachers fear the backlash of the parents as their little brats are incapable of doing anything wrong, thanks to their shitty parenting.

I really detest blaming culture, but this has to be the exception. At this point in time, Korean culture
really is in a sorry as state.

I would really like it very much if my high school boys would stop sexually assaulting the high school girls every F** day.

Yeah, it's the bullying that really bothers me the most about the way the schools are run here, tbh. Even now when I point out bullying to some of the teachers here, they tell me that the students are just "playing." They're either unable or unwilling to recognize cases of bullying as they're happening. You can always tell by the body language of the target, even if they're laughing or smiling about it, and it's not likely just "play" if it's one kid against three or more and the intended target isn't really defending himself in any way.

I just put an end to it under the guise of not liking "horseplay" so that the intended target doesn't suffer ramifications from my interference later, but good god.

I find male bullying much easier to spot and to deal with. Girls are sneakier about it.

2. I know this guy who likes to hang around with my group of non-Korean people. He's alright, but every time he meets a new foreigner he has to ask them what they find uncomfortable or bad about Korea. I don't know why he does this, because without fail he reacts awkwardly and defensively to every benign comment someone makes. No decent person is going to list the things they actually don't like about that culture to someone from that culture. No one is gonna be like "well, I think it's gross that y'all don't wash your hands after you shit and you eat like cows sometimes" but eventually people say things like "I'm not a fan of the food" or "it's uncomfortable in busy places when people don't say excuse me" and he always argues it! I mean, why ASK if you don't want to know the answer? What is this weird obsession with trying to figure out what people don't like about you? And does he really think anyone is going to give him their real opinion? It's slightly masochistic. Maybe I should link him to this thread 

This, right here. They either always ask about what we don't like about Korean culture, or they're always digging for praise about Korean culture. The ones who ask, either way, can never accept another person's opinion if it's not all wonder and delight.

Connecting with what I commented on before, I remember this one guy kept digging and digging and digging for praises in a really roundabout way. He's always asking for feedback about how we "really" feel about Korea and the culture and whatever, but he's only ever fishing for compliments. He does this EVERYTIME there's a meet between him and foreigners, no matter how many times we've met and been asked the same goddamn questions each time. One night I wasn't having it, and I actually told him that I really hate the bullying culture here, and found the "wang-ta" phenomenon especially disturbing (I actually had a wang-ta at the school I was then assigned to at the time, so it was especially real to me then). He got super defensive and went on to claim that Korean 정 isn't matched anywhere else in the world, and wouldn't address the bullying problem at all. I kind of needled him some more by asking him why it was that the suicide rate in Korea was so damn high when compared to the rest of the world, if what he was said was so true, and that got him sputtering mad.

Yeah, I shouldn't have done it. But he hasn't spoken to me since, and I couldn't be happier.

I do enjoy Korea and all, but no culture is perfect, and each one has its major faults to deal with. You can't expect people to just fall in line with your blind patriotism, especially when they're not from there. C'mon.

However, I'm sure that many teachers fear the backlash of the parents..

Hit the nail on the head. Korean law does not take kindly to any kind of intervention when it comes to violence. You see two kids beating the snot out of each other? Pass the buck. Do not try and break it up unless you want to end up out a couple million won blood money to some parent who thinks you're responsible.

I know it's difficult seeing her and I know you'd rather do anything else than to talk to her or be around her. But it's been 4 years. I'm not saying you should be friends with her again. I'm not even saying you should talk to her again. I totally get why you wouldn't want to. However, you can't avoid her forever. Especially now that all of your friend groups are coming together. I personally think you should continue going out with your friends and participating even if she is there too. It's going to be hard the first couple of times but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by. If she tries to get close to you again and you aren't ok with that then let her know. Tell her you're there to be with your friends but that you're not there for her. But like I said. It's been 4 years. Maybe it's time to let yourself heal and move on.

why should he be friends with her? she sounds like a complete bitch. gave him an ultimatum about getting a job quickly in korea after he almost died from massive brain trauma.

then dumped him unceremoniously at the airport after he packed up his entire life and came here. for her.

wouldn't be surprised if she was banging someone on the side while she was waiting for him to get here. probably explains the dumping actually.

now she's banging one of his friends.

yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

why should he be friends with her? she sounds like a complete bitch. gave him an ultimatum about getting a job quickly in korea after he almost died from massive brain trauma.

then dumped him unceremoniously at the airport after he packed up his entire life and came here. for her.

wouldn't be surprised if she was banging someone on the side while she was waiting for him to get here. probably explains the dumping actually.

now she's banging one of his friends.

yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

A) To be fair, I could have come sooner. The brain surgery wasn't actually as bad as the broken collarbone I got. This isn't to defend her per se, but I do bear some of the responsibility for not coming sooner. Doesn't make breaking the ultimatum okay though.

B) Nope. Not my friend. She's got a BF who's teaching in Japan at the moment. How do I know this? Well, I'm fairly bright, even after brain surgery. 

Just be chill. There's literally no reason you can't be civil to her. You seem like kind of an emotional guy, which is cool, but always good to be able to keep your feelings under control for practical purposes.

Yeah she kind of boned you with the whole breaking up with you after you moved here, but that was like, four years ago? And you were both (I'm assuming) in your early 20s when that happens, which is when lots of people do lots of unfortunate things, despite being at heart generally decent humans.

So like, I empathize with the fact that you still have feelings complicated feelings towards her, but I mean, you're both older and smarter and ideally slightly new and improved versions of yourselves compared to when you were dating, so just get on with it and don't make such a big deal about it. You don't have to be friends if you don't want to or anything, but like, it shouldn't make social gatherings awkward.

A) 28. haha, not to nitpick.

B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

A lot of people handle things differently when it comes to people of their past.

Could be she's working through some guilt, too. Might explain some of that interest. Even though she's the one who dumped you, it doesn't mean she doesn't still see you as a person. I guess she may not feel as awkward about the way things were left since so much time has passed, too, so doesn't make any bones about querying about a person's current state. Some people are like that.