RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

WTF.  What a bizarro!  Whomever answers the phone at your school has gotta be like "wtf."  That CT sounds like a right pill. 

Absolutely seething after class with my CT from heck. She called me at friggin 8:15 to make sure I was coming into work (even tho I've never been sick at that school) then comes into class 5 minutes before the class starts, decides she doesn't like my game that she's had a week to look over and wants me to change it on 5 minutes notice. I stood my ground and we played it kind of. She proceeds to talk over me in Korean while I'm explaining it"nothing new" and tells the kids something totally different. Anyways they end up playing not really a game after I tried to pull her aside and tell her that her translation was off. We fixed it for the second class. Third and 4th periods went well until she decides to give me advice that we need to do more exciting games that are speaking lessons but we can't have the students talking because they're too loud. "What kind of games do you suggest then?" I said. "games that the students think fun but no speaking because the fat boy too loud in games. so exciting so they listen and no talking because they too loud." is the reply I got.....

Currently still seething.....

I know this is a ranting section, but devil's advocate here...

Take a step back.

Your coteacher called you to make sure you weren't going to be absent today (I take it you were absent yesterday from your other school or have been sick).

Do you consider 8:15 early?

One would hope you would be out the door long before that, as school starts at 8:40am, no?

Why not change the game?

I, like you, used to prefer to do things my way, but over the past few years, I have put more and more of the decision-making onto the Korean teachers.

I mean, we are the "assistants", if they want it done THEIR way, so be it.

Try doing what she says for a change, and if you still aren't understanding her, ask her to model it for you during your next class together.

There is no point in beating your head against a brick wall, so to speak.

Try being agreeable and see how that works out for you.

It isn't personal.  She wants to make things better for the students, so why not follow her lead?

Good luck.

I haven't been sick. She calls every morning I work at that school to make sure I'm coming in as if she doesn't trust that I'm coming in. The issue with changing the game was she wanted an entirely different game made 5 minutes before class when she okayed the plan the week before. The issue is that IF she gives guidance it makes no sense. She wants a speaking lesson where the students don't speak. I asked her several times if she had any games in mind and she keeps telling me the same thing. I ask what games worked well with the students last year and she tells me I need to make my own plans. If you could meet this woman you'd understand. I work with 11 other coteachers this year. None of them give me problems. I'm able to work out what they want done even the ones with very little English skills. Her issue is that when it comes to my lessons she doesn't let me explain the activity rules to her or the class. She looks at the title and starts speaking in Korean to the students and instructing them to do something entirely different from what I planned. So I asked her if there's time for us to go over plans together. She told me to come in early (I have 2 schools on Tuesdays and I have to leave immediately after we teach so that I can go to my next school and not be late) so I show up early and she's not there. She's not asking me to be an assistant. She wants me to plan an entire lesson and not use the book. Fine. But then she wants me to change half the plan with 5 minutes notice because she was late. Not fine. Especially when I send her my plans days in advance.

Oh... I feel your pain. I feel it deep and real. DEEP. I had a CT like this. She was my only CT. 5 hellish days a week. I have no advice. I never found a solution with mine. I transferred out when my contract was up.

Absolutely seething after class with my CT from heck. She called me at friggin 8:15 to make sure I was coming into work (even tho I've never been sick at that school) then comes into class 5 minutes before the class starts, decides she doesn't like my game that she's had a week to look over and wants me to change it on 5 minutes notice. I stood my ground and we played it kind of. She proceeds to talk over me in Korean while I'm explaining it"nothing new" and tells the kids something totally different. Anyways they end up playing not really a game after I tried to pull her aside and tell her that her translation was off. We fixed it for the second class. Third and 4th periods went well until she decides to give me advice that we need to do more exciting games that are speaking lessons but we can't have the students talking because they're too loud. "What kind of games do you suggest then?" I said. "games that the students think fun but no speaking because the fat boy too loud in games. so exciting so they listen and no talking because they too loud." is the reply I got.....

Currently still seething.....

I know this is a ranting section, but devil's advocate here...

Take a step back.

Your coteacher called you to make sure you weren't going to be absent today (I take it you were absent yesterday from your other school or have been sick).

Do you consider 8:15 early?

One would hope you would be out the door long before that, as school starts at 8:40am, no?

Why not change the game?

I, like you, used to prefer to do things my way, but over the past few years, I have put more and more of the decision-making onto the Korean teachers.

I mean, we are the "assistants", if they want it done THEIR way, so be it.

Try doing what she says for a change, and if you still aren't understanding her, ask her to model it for you during your next class together.

There is no point in beating your head against a brick wall, so to speak.

Try being agreeable and see how that works out for you.

It isn't personal.  She wants to make things better for the students, so why not follow her lead?

Good luck.

I haven't been sick. She calls every morning I work at that school to make sure I'm coming in as if she doesn't trust that I'm coming in. The issue with changing the game was she wanted an entirely different game made 5 minutes before class when she okayed the plan the week before. The issue is that IF she gives guidance it makes no sense. She wants a speaking lesson where the students don't speak. I asked her several times if she had any games in mind and she keeps telling me the same thing. I ask what games worked well with the students last year and she tells me I need to make my own plans. If you could meet this woman you'd understand. I work with 11 other coteachers this year. None of them give me problems. I'm able to work out what they want done even the ones with very little English skills. Her issue is that when it comes to my lessons she doesn't let me explain the activity rules to her or the class. She looks at the title and starts speaking in Korean to the students and instructing them to do something entirely different from what I planned. So I asked her if there's time for us to go over plans together. She told me to come in early (I have 2 schools on Tuesdays and I have to leave immediately after we teach so that I can go to my next school and not be late) so I show up early and she's not there. She's not asking me to be an assistant. She wants me to plan an entire lesson and not use the book. Fine. But then she wants me to change half the plan with 5 minutes notice because she was late. Not fine. Especially when I send her my plans days in advance.

Oh... I feel your pain. I feel it deep and real. DEEP. I had a CT like this. She was my only CT. 5 hellish days a week. I have no advice. I never found a solution with mine. I transferred out when my contract was up.

Yeah I knew I most likely wasn't staying another year but this CT just confirms it. Luckily it's just once a week for 4 hours then I get to run to the safe haven of my next school but I guess all the other KETs in the area know about her. The last NET had trouble with the same CT and told all her other CTs about the problems so luckily they're extra nice to me because they've heard horror stories. I don't like to talk about it to them tho cuz it feels weird gossiping when they know her. If they ask I just sarcastically say it was great and they proceed to tell me more stuff she's done to NETs. That probably doesn't help my overall opinion of her tho...

But I honestly don't believe you. I think you know you can get laid without offending random people, but y'all are so desperate and impatient that you don't care.

Hell yes. Like me and my friends say "If you aren't offending someone in your desperate search for sex, then you are doing something horribly wrong"

You don't want to wait until the next weekend to meet someone who flirts back so you just go around harassing people so you can get laid that NIGHT. It's nothing but pure entitlement.

Ever heard of a little something called BLUE BALLS, lady? Jeez. Get with it.

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

WTF.  What a bizarro!  Whomever answers the phone at your school has gotta be like "wtf."  That CT sounds like a right pill.

Oh man they already know about her. She's got a rep even with the KTs. They've told me horror stories about this CT and the last NET. She also got in a fight with my tues afternoon CT about if I had to stay for lunch at the morning school (legit impossible with travel times and the lunch times were at different times) which my afternoon teacher won (thank god). But even tho everyone told her I can't stay for lunch because there's no time, she asks me every tuesday...

This may be your reality, but it's not everyone's!

I don't know why you're having such a hard time admitting some men don't have to beg women for sex and some even *gasp* get to be selective! I do not care about the odds or imagined statistics. It's definitely not as hard for all guys to get laid as you're claiming it is. Maybe for you and your friends that's the case, but some guys have the minimal cognitive ability necessary for flirting. Some have the good sense the lord gave them and don't ask uninterested women to **** them out of the blue. (There it is, using an anecdote in lieu of logic. It's not as hard for ALL guys. This shows you are statistically illiterate.)

 I've seen it happen, guys can get laid without breaching any boundaries of respect or common decency (I've seen it happen! My cool guy friend got laid!) This is not a fairy tale. All guys all the time? No. But so what?

I personally don't go around asking for things unless I think I deserve them. (I did this. I'm an idiot. This is not the argument that is being made.)  The fact that you guys are even bringing up the "ease" of scoring as a possible reason why you would feel the need to go around propositioning random uninterested women leads one to believe that you think this is only a natural and logical reaction. But I honestly don't believe you. I think you know you can get laid without offending random people, but y'all are so desperate and impatient that you don't care. You don't want to wait until the next weekend to meet someone who flirts back so you just go around harassing people so you can get laid that NIGHT. It's nothing but pure entitlement. (Like I said before, it was a drunken, idiot mistake because I'm depressed as hell right now. That doesn't make it right, and it's not an excuse. But again, The Arm said that it's easier for women and I'm agreeing with him.)

Anyway, fact that you're talking about all of this in such a banal, stereotypical, cavemannish sort of way (women are the gate keepers of sex? come on dude.. lame) makes it pretty obvious you can't relate to women on any human level (How can you say this to someone? You don't know shit about me) and you're just going to keep seeing it as a numbers game of which you are forever the loser. Good luck with that.

kriztee,

I'm so sorry :(

I know exactly the "type", ouch.

I would block her number.

As for starting times, my current school starts at 9, as well, but we are required to be at school 20-30 minutes before the classes begin.

I don't envy you.

My ring finger is bruised purple and I have no idea how it happened as I have no recollection of hitting it anywhere.   

I think some of what who-said-that is getting confused for who-said-what, and different points are getting lost in the cross-hairs as a result.

Most of us can agree, though, that shitty tactics for getting laid aren't justifiable, and normally indicate a lack of respect (or judgment, either momentary or as part of your permanent disposition) for the other person(s) as a human being.

I know plenty of people who play the numbers game WITHOUT ignoring social norms and boundaries, and it still works out fairly well for them. Most of them are average joes, too. One of them is below average in the looks department, but he's actually super popular with the ladies. If you don't got the game, sucks for you, but that doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever the **** you want. You just need to re-evaluate yourself and your life a little.

If you want to be a shitty person, then accept that people will see you as a shitty person. You can try to explain why you're being a shitty person until the blue in your balls work up into your face, but it won't change the fact that acting like a dickhead still makes you a dickhead.

At the same time, we should try to remember not to demonize people who've had momentary lapses in judgment. We all make mistakes, and we all go through periods of them for one reason or another. And unless those mistakes are constant, consistent and significant enough to indicate a very serious character flaw, they shouldn't be used to define all of who a person is. No one is perfect.

Ever heard of a little something called BLUE BALLS, lady? Jeez. Get with it.

I've heard that this phenomenon has a really simple and easy fix.

Man, and I thought my relationship situation was fucked up. I feel a lot better reading the last 5 pages.

And speaking from my perspective, I've never really felt like casual sex was any harder for me than for women -- and I'm not exactly hyper attractive -- but I just can't stand it. I'd much rather be in a lasting relationship. Good thing I'm here in Korea, in a small town.

Time to open the RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 4.0 thread. Need to cleanse myself from this thread.

And speaking from my perspective, I've never really felt like casual sex was any harder for me than for women -- and I'm not exactly hyper attractive

Same.

I have even, a couple of times, had to be "the gatekeeper" when approached by women lacking the social skills discussed earlier.

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

WTF.  What a bizarro!  Whomever answers the phone at your school has gotta be like "wtf."  That CT sounds like a right pill.

Oh man they already know about her. She's got a rep even with the KTs. They've told me horror stories about this CT and the last NET. She also got in a fight with my tues afternoon CT about if I had to stay for lunch at the morning school (legit impossible with travel times and the lunch times were at different times) which my afternoon teacher won (thank god). But even tho everyone told her I can't stay for lunch because there's no time, she asks me every tuesday...

Under no circumstances should you even consider doing this for anything other than a set fee either per word, or per page.  First get a sample of her writing style to assess the complexity.  Editing is hard work, and Koreans often have no logical rhythm to their English writing (I have taught writing at my uni).  If you are even considering doing this for free, you will regret it instantly.  It will either be impossible to read (a la naver translate) or will be a direct translation of Korean to English ( I icecream like).  Find a reason to say no.  Seriously!

kriztee,

I'm so sorry :(

I know exactly the "type", ouch.

I would block her number.

As for starting times, my current school starts at 9, as well, but we are required to be at school 20-30 minutes before the classes begin.

I don't envy you.

Yeah I have no issues with being there early. My other schools I need to be early too. Just this woman wants me to be there 40 minutes before we start so we can go over the plan but then she doesn't show up until 5 minutes before class. That's my issue. But she also calls me to make sure I'm coming when I've given no indication otherwise.

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

WTF.  What a bizarro!  Whomever answers the phone at your school has gotta be like "wtf."  That CT sounds like a right pill.

Oh man they already know about her. She's got a rep even with the KTs. They've told me horror stories about this CT and the last NET. She also got in a fight with my tues afternoon CT about if I had to stay for lunch at the morning school (legit impossible with travel times and the lunch times were at different times) which my afternoon teacher won (thank god). But even tho everyone told her I can't stay for lunch because there's no time, she asks me every tuesday...

Under no circumstances should you even consider doing this for anything other than a set fee either per word, or per page.  First get a sample of her writing style to assess the complexity.  Editing is hard work, and Koreans often have no logical rhythm to their English writing (I have taught writing at my uni).  If you are even considering doing this for free, you will regret it instantly.  It will either be impossible to read (a la naver translate) or will be a direct translation of Korean to English ( I icecream like).  Find a reason to say no.  Seriously!

Ahahah s'all good. I keep telling her I have no time. She got me to approve one sentence so far but I keep telling her I'm super busy because I have half a billion schools. She keeps asking but I plan on putting it off until she gives up :) I've told her that after school I also have a billion activities so I can't answer her calls after school

Especially if there was no previous suggestions of it AND I had a boyfriend... Yikes!

Fair enough about the first part but how much action do you reckon a guy would get if he never hit on a girl who said she had a boyfriend?

I know I'm a GEN-X gray hair, but are you guys telling me that as millennials, you would consider/label that sort of message as "hitting on girl"?

I can't believe that THAT approach would ever bear fruit.

I'm only able to see it as offensive and producing negative results.

It translates as "I'm drunk'n horny and want to use you as a semen receptacle."

Educate me ;)

Pretty much. There are a couple of guys in my area who are like this, and they're pretty notorious among the expats (male and female). It kind of ruins their shot at a lot of girls who might have been interested in them before. Doesn't mean that they don't get lucky from time to time... but they don't get nearly as lucky as they could.

Using this kind of tactic just kind of sets you up for failure. It rarely works because it's such a huge turnoff. Makes you look desperate and scuzzy.

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Great post by the way turningsteel. 

Acknowledging the differences between men and women is relevant.  Women can't ever fully understand how men think about sex because they can never experience it.

Completely agree with you here; I sympathize with but don't condone it.

So dumb.

Women can be just as into casual sex as men, the difference is men seem to be unable to discern whether or not the girl they are talking to wants it. You can't just go around saying that stuff to someone who is not into you. We don't care how you think about sex, it's nothing special, y'all are just lacking common social skills and don't seem to know how to go after casual sex while still respecting social norms & the person you're talking to.

It's not that hard, just don't be an idiot.

Ok, newsflash.  Guys who do this sort of thing tend not to mind their Ps and Qs and keep their elbows off the table do they?  Social skills/social norms go out of the window pretty quickly if you're just looking for sex and you're hedging your bets.

Yea women are into casual sex, but they can get it any time they want so it's COMPLETELY different.

That sounds like a YOU problem.

Seriously... finding someone to bang isn't so hard that you just have to start propositioning randoms who show no interest in you. Desperate people abound just go to any club. This just sounds like you guys are socially awkward/lazy.

It is mildly interesting to hear from you what exactly is going on in your brains when you do stuff like this though. Reminds me of this loser who thought he could get with me or my friends by asking via google translate if we wanted to go home with him. He's "hedging his bets" I guess. Maybe you guys are right and this tactic works sometimes, but guaranteed he's getting laid way less often than a good looking guy who has decent social skills. AND the attractive guy with decent social skills doesn't have to throw his pride out the window/become a creep just to get laid.

People make mistakes/read cues wrong sometimes but you don't have to become an offensive pervert in order to get some. If that's the case, you're doing something else wrong.

Woah, I knew this would blow up.  First off, no one said women aren't into casual relationships.  And I wasn't implying that men take this approach to women who clearly aren't interested.  But clearly you don't understand that women rarely if ever show overt interest to men.  They never come up to us and say 'Oh let's go back to my place.' or 'Oh I like you.' We get little to nothing.  So when guys do things that come across as stupid to you, it's because we have no idea what she's thinking unless she tells us clearly. We might think she likes us because she smiles at us.  Once again, I'm not condoning the hail mary pass, I'm just saying I understand why as a man.

PS if this approach didn't work, tinder wouldn't exist.  No one is saying to come across as a pervert.

If you're looking to get laid, just don't get offended/belligerent if/when someone turns you down.  Just move on without any fuss.  Idk why some people are so prideful and feel the need to start slinging insults as if they've been personally affronted.

If you're looking to get laid, just don't get offended/belligerent if/when someone turns you down.  Just move on without any fuss.  Idk why some people are so prideful and feel the need to start slinging insults as if they've been personally affronted.

Yeah, this is what SevenPM assumes I'm doing and is putting words in my mouth. Saying that it's easier for women to get laid is not me whining because of how this thread started with my anecdote, it's me agreeing with The Arm.

Somehow, she can't grasp that and is strawmanning me.

Woah, I knew this would blow up.  First off, no one said women aren't into casual relationships.  And I wasn't implying that men take this approach to women who clearly aren't interested. But clearly you don't understand that women rarely if ever show overt interest to men. They never come up to us and say 'Oh let's go back to my place.' or 'Oh I like you.' We get little to nothing. So when guys do things that come across as stupid to you, it's because we have no idea what she's thinking unless she tells us clearly. We might think she likes us because she smiles at us.  Once again, I'm not condoning the hail mary pass, I'm just saying I understand why as a man.

PS if this approach didn't work, tinder wouldn't exist.  No one is saying to come across as a pervert.

While I can understand where you're coming from here, I don't agree with this.

It's just that some people are better at reading than others. It comes back to social skills and reading social cues. Most women who are interested give some pretty clear signs, even when they're being "subtle." For guys who really can't seem to identify them, researching the internet is a good first step. You don't need to be overt to send out signals.

In short, a smile is not enough to make an assumption about casual sex. People smile when they're being nice. That's it.

But if you've been flirting with the woman for a while and she's been reciprocating (real flirting -- just talking to a woman about her day is not flirting, a lot of guys and gals could learn a thing or two about how to flirt), and she's giving you the bedroom eyes, making a respectful proposition wouldn't be out-of-line.

Also, a person's approach for sealing the deal could also make or break the vibe. A woman (or man) could totally be interested in the beginning but may lose that interest if you come off too strong or disrespectful.