RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0

My ring finger is bruised purple and I have no idea how it happened as I have no recollection of hitting it anywhere.   

I think some of what who-said-that is getting confused for who-said-what, and different points are getting lost in the cross-hairs as a result.

Most of us can agree, though, that shitty tactics for getting laid aren't justifiable, and normally indicate a lack of respect (or judgment, either momentary or as part of your permanent disposition) for the other person(s) as a human being.

I know plenty of people who play the numbers game WITHOUT ignoring social norms and boundaries, and it still works out fairly well for them. Most of them are average joes, too. One of them is below average in the looks department, but he's actually super popular with the ladies. If you don't got the game, sucks for you, but that doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever the **** you want. You just need to re-evaluate yourself and your life a little.

If you want to be a shitty person, then accept that people will see you as a shitty person. You can try to explain why you're being a shitty person until the blue in your balls work up into your face, but it won't change the fact that acting like a dickhead still makes you a dickhead.

At the same time, we should try to remember not to demonize people who've had momentary lapses in judgment. We all make mistakes, and we all go through periods of them for one reason or another. And unless those mistakes are constant, consistent and significant enough to indicate a very serious character flaw, they shouldn't be used to define all of who a person is. No one is perfect.

Ever heard of a little something called BLUE BALLS, lady? Jeez. Get with it.

I've heard that this phenomenon has a really simple and easy fix.

Man, and I thought my relationship situation was fucked up. I feel a lot better reading the last 5 pages.

And speaking from my perspective, I've never really felt like casual sex was any harder for me than for women -- and I'm not exactly hyper attractive -- but I just can't stand it. I'd much rather be in a lasting relationship. Good thing I'm here in Korea, in a small town.

Time to open the RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 4.0 thread. Need to cleanse myself from this thread.

And speaking from my perspective, I've never really felt like casual sex was any harder for me than for women -- and I'm not exactly hyper attractive

Same.

I have even, a couple of times, had to be "the gatekeeper" when approached by women lacking the social skills discussed earlier.

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

WTF.  What a bizarro!  Whomever answers the phone at your school has gotta be like "wtf."  That CT sounds like a right pill.

Oh man they already know about her. She's got a rep even with the KTs. They've told me horror stories about this CT and the last NET. She also got in a fight with my tues afternoon CT about if I had to stay for lunch at the morning school (legit impossible with travel times and the lunch times were at different times) which my afternoon teacher won (thank god). But even tho everyone told her I can't stay for lunch because there's no time, she asks me every tuesday...

Under no circumstances should you even consider doing this for anything other than a set fee either per word, or per page.  First get a sample of her writing style to assess the complexity.  Editing is hard work, and Koreans often have no logical rhythm to their English writing (I have taught writing at my uni).  If you are even considering doing this for free, you will regret it instantly.  It will either be impossible to read (a la naver translate) or will be a direct translation of Korean to English ( I icecream like).  Find a reason to say no.  Seriously!

kriztee,

I'm so sorry :(

I know exactly the "type", ouch.

I would block her number.

As for starting times, my current school starts at 9, as well, but we are required to be at school 20-30 minutes before the classes begin.

I don't envy you.

Yeah I have no issues with being there early. My other schools I need to be early too. Just this woman wants me to be there 40 minutes before we start so we can go over the plan but then she doesn't show up until 5 minutes before class. That's my issue. But she also calls me to make sure I'm coming when I've given no indication otherwise.

@Pecan

One of my middle schools starts at 8:35am, my other middle school and two elementary schools start at 9:00am.  (Though everyone typically shows up earlier than the start time)

I would wager that Kriztee's school probably starts at 9:00am though I could very well be wrong.

Yeah we start at 9. This CT is crazy tho and calls me while I'm teaching class in my other schools because she wants me to edit her thesis paper and when I don't answer because I'm teaching, she'll call the school to make sure I'm there.

WTF.  What a bizarro!  Whomever answers the phone at your school has gotta be like "wtf."  That CT sounds like a right pill.

Oh man they already know about her. She's got a rep even with the KTs. They've told me horror stories about this CT and the last NET. She also got in a fight with my tues afternoon CT about if I had to stay for lunch at the morning school (legit impossible with travel times and the lunch times were at different times) which my afternoon teacher won (thank god). But even tho everyone told her I can't stay for lunch because there's no time, she asks me every tuesday...

Under no circumstances should you even consider doing this for anything other than a set fee either per word, or per page.  First get a sample of her writing style to assess the complexity.  Editing is hard work, and Koreans often have no logical rhythm to their English writing (I have taught writing at my uni).  If you are even considering doing this for free, you will regret it instantly.  It will either be impossible to read (a la naver translate) or will be a direct translation of Korean to English ( I icecream like).  Find a reason to say no.  Seriously!

Ahahah s'all good. I keep telling her I have no time. She got me to approve one sentence so far but I keep telling her I'm super busy because I have half a billion schools. She keeps asking but I plan on putting it off until she gives up :) I've told her that after school I also have a billion activities so I can't answer her calls after school

Especially if there was no previous suggestions of it AND I had a boyfriend... Yikes!

Fair enough about the first part but how much action do you reckon a guy would get if he never hit on a girl who said she had a boyfriend?

I know I'm a GEN-X gray hair, but are you guys telling me that as millennials, you would consider/label that sort of message as "hitting on girl"?

I can't believe that THAT approach would ever bear fruit.

I'm only able to see it as offensive and producing negative results.

It translates as "I'm drunk'n horny and want to use you as a semen receptacle."

Educate me ;)

Pretty much. There are a couple of guys in my area who are like this, and they're pretty notorious among the expats (male and female). It kind of ruins their shot at a lot of girls who might have been interested in them before. Doesn't mean that they don't get lucky from time to time... but they don't get nearly as lucky as they could.

Using this kind of tactic just kind of sets you up for failure. It rarely works because it's such a huge turnoff. Makes you look desperate and scuzzy.

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Great post by the way turningsteel. 

Acknowledging the differences between men and women is relevant.  Women can't ever fully understand how men think about sex because they can never experience it.

Completely agree with you here; I sympathize with but don't condone it.

So dumb.

Women can be just as into casual sex as men, the difference is men seem to be unable to discern whether or not the girl they are talking to wants it. You can't just go around saying that stuff to someone who is not into you. We don't care how you think about sex, it's nothing special, y'all are just lacking common social skills and don't seem to know how to go after casual sex while still respecting social norms & the person you're talking to.

It's not that hard, just don't be an idiot.

Ok, newsflash.  Guys who do this sort of thing tend not to mind their Ps and Qs and keep their elbows off the table do they?  Social skills/social norms go out of the window pretty quickly if you're just looking for sex and you're hedging your bets.

Yea women are into casual sex, but they can get it any time they want so it's COMPLETELY different.

That sounds like a YOU problem.

Seriously... finding someone to bang isn't so hard that you just have to start propositioning randoms who show no interest in you. Desperate people abound just go to any club. This just sounds like you guys are socially awkward/lazy.

It is mildly interesting to hear from you what exactly is going on in your brains when you do stuff like this though. Reminds me of this loser who thought he could get with me or my friends by asking via google translate if we wanted to go home with him. He's "hedging his bets" I guess. Maybe you guys are right and this tactic works sometimes, but guaranteed he's getting laid way less often than a good looking guy who has decent social skills. AND the attractive guy with decent social skills doesn't have to throw his pride out the window/become a creep just to get laid.

People make mistakes/read cues wrong sometimes but you don't have to become an offensive pervert in order to get some. If that's the case, you're doing something else wrong.

Woah, I knew this would blow up.  First off, no one said women aren't into casual relationships.  And I wasn't implying that men take this approach to women who clearly aren't interested.  But clearly you don't understand that women rarely if ever show overt interest to men.  They never come up to us and say 'Oh let's go back to my place.' or 'Oh I like you.' We get little to nothing.  So when guys do things that come across as stupid to you, it's because we have no idea what she's thinking unless she tells us clearly. We might think she likes us because she smiles at us.  Once again, I'm not condoning the hail mary pass, I'm just saying I understand why as a man.

PS if this approach didn't work, tinder wouldn't exist.  No one is saying to come across as a pervert.

If you're looking to get laid, just don't get offended/belligerent if/when someone turns you down.  Just move on without any fuss.  Idk why some people are so prideful and feel the need to start slinging insults as if they've been personally affronted.

If you're looking to get laid, just don't get offended/belligerent if/when someone turns you down.  Just move on without any fuss.  Idk why some people are so prideful and feel the need to start slinging insults as if they've been personally affronted.

Yeah, this is what SevenPM assumes I'm doing and is putting words in my mouth. Saying that it's easier for women to get laid is not me whining because of how this thread started with my anecdote, it's me agreeing with The Arm.

Somehow, she can't grasp that and is strawmanning me.

Woah, I knew this would blow up.  First off, no one said women aren't into casual relationships.  And I wasn't implying that men take this approach to women who clearly aren't interested. But clearly you don't understand that women rarely if ever show overt interest to men. They never come up to us and say 'Oh let's go back to my place.' or 'Oh I like you.' We get little to nothing. So when guys do things that come across as stupid to you, it's because we have no idea what she's thinking unless she tells us clearly. We might think she likes us because she smiles at us.  Once again, I'm not condoning the hail mary pass, I'm just saying I understand why as a man.

PS if this approach didn't work, tinder wouldn't exist.  No one is saying to come across as a pervert.

While I can understand where you're coming from here, I don't agree with this.

It's just that some people are better at reading than others. It comes back to social skills and reading social cues. Most women who are interested give some pretty clear signs, even when they're being "subtle." For guys who really can't seem to identify them, researching the internet is a good first step. You don't need to be overt to send out signals.

In short, a smile is not enough to make an assumption about casual sex. People smile when they're being nice. That's it.

But if you've been flirting with the woman for a while and she's been reciprocating (real flirting -- just talking to a woman about her day is not flirting, a lot of guys and gals could learn a thing or two about how to flirt), and she's giving you the bedroom eyes, making a respectful proposition wouldn't be out-of-line.

Also, a person's approach for sealing the deal could also make or break the vibe. A woman (or man) could totally be interested in the beginning but may lose that interest if you come off too strong or disrespectful.

I think they blocked Chrome. Only Explorer. Anyone else having this issue?

If you're looking to get laid, just don't get offended/belligerent if/when someone turns you down.  Just move on without any fuss.  Idk why some people are so prideful and feel the need to start slinging insults as if they've been personally affronted.

Yeah, this is what SevenPM assumes I'm doing and is putting words in my mouth. Saying that it's easier for women to get laid is not me whining because of how this thread started with my anecdote, it's me agreeing with The Arm.

Somehow, she can't grasp that and is strawmanning me.

I think some of this is also coming down from confusion. There were a lot of people posting a lot of different opinions and perspectives about this or that, and I think what you said just kind of got erroneously tied in with some of those other opinions.

In any case, I feel you're good people, and I'm sorry that the terror got reigned down on you. I know you're going through a tough time right now. I'd buy you a drink if I knew you in real life.

I think they blocked Chrome. Only Explorer. Anyone else having this issue?

How do you mean? What's happening on your end?

I'm able to use Chrome just fine on my work computer. No problems. If you're having trouble accessing the internet using Chrome, could be you've got some bad cache or cookie files or something.

But clearly you don't understand that women rarely if ever show overt interest to men.  They never come up to us and say 'Oh let's go back to my place.' or 'Oh I like you.' We get little to nothing.

Actually they do this all the time, sorry you haven't had your share.

But clearly you don't understand that women rarely if ever show overt interest to men.  They never come up to us and say 'Oh let's go back to my place.' or 'Oh I like you.' We get little to nothing.

Actually they do this all the time, sorry you haven't had your share.

Yeah they do. I actually don't like it when they do, but plenty of women show overt interest.... Maybe not as often as men, but they totally do.

...

In any case, I feel you're good people, and I'm sorry that the terror got reigned down on you. I know you're going through a tough time right now. I'd buy you a drink if I knew you in real life.

Is that flirting?

As discussed, sometimes it is hard to tell.

:)

...

In any case, I feel you're good people, and I'm sorry that the terror got reigned down on you. I know you're going through a tough time right now. I'd buy you a drink if I knew you in real life.

Is that flirting?

As discussed, sometimes it is hard to tell.

:)

Only if I grab your crotch while doing it.

If you're looking to get laid, just don't get offended/belligerent if/when someone turns you down.  Just move on without any fuss.  Idk why some people are so prideful and feel the need to start slinging insults as if they've been personally affronted.

This! On both sides.  I agree completely. If a guy asks you and you aren't interested. Just say so. If you ask a girl and she isn't interested, just move on without acting like a child.