RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0

That's kinda what I mean-- I find that unfortunate.  Most people I know are of the decent sort.

Meh, most women in my experience will do anything to avoid breaking up with anyone outright .They either just stop returning phone calls, start flaking on a regular basis and expect the guy to get the message or gradually start seeing someone else.  I wouldn't say people who do this kind of thing aren't decent, just a little spineless maybe. If you know plenty of people who don't behave in this way maybe the dynamics of relationships have changed since I was dating.

I agree with the spineless comment but I disagree on the part of decency.  "Ghosting" is cowardly and shows a lack of decency as well as poor character.  Unless you're fearful of retaliation from an abusive [ex] partner then there's not really an excuse.  I can understand somewhat if one was a young dumb youth who has somehow escaped learning how to deal with uncomfortable (but necessary) situations but if it becomes a habit one never grows out of, then for shame. 

People should respect others enough to give closure and make an obvious break.  I don't understand this (modern?) trend of ghosting that I've read about.  Laziness and disrespectfulness are so unbecoming. 

From the dumpee's point of view, does it really matter though? It's like getting a polite job rejection letter saying the competition was very tough etc...instead of nothing. People go on about how the former's the decent thing to do and all that but it doesn't actually make anything better.

Yeah, based on a lot of eggie's previous comments regarding rape and sex,

 I haven't made any comments about rape or sex that have been particularly controversial. At least outside the liberal arts major Western university bubble.

I beg to differ, but it isn't important enough for me to go digging around for them. At the same time, I'll also acknowledge that part of the "controversy" behind some of your more disturbing comments may be due to misunderstanding. This is why I hadn't leapt on them at the time, because I was trying to get a better feel for who you are and using probing questions to better gain what you might have actually meant by all of that.

If I misread your intentions, I apologize.

And as for what really matters, I think how a relationship ends does matter. Some ends are far more painful than others and can make it more difficult for a dumpee to move on or come to terms with it. For the person doing the dumping and why, it's a matter of human decency. Even if they're dicks about it now and don't have any sense of remorse over their actions at this time, wrongs do come back to haunt people who mature/grow enough as people to regret them.

It's just better for everyone if a relationship ends on the up-and-up.

About the same or less, because a girl who says she has a boyfriend is normally not interested

Most girls, especially young ones have 'a boyfriend' but are still looking around to trade up. They're quite happy to use the boyfriend as an excuse to make a guy keep his distance until they're more sure about him. Just from my own experience and seeing how other relationships seem to pan out.

wahhh? i don't know any of my friends who have boyfriends that are 'looking around to trade up' 

I beg to differ, but it isn't important enough for me to go digging around for them.

Nice, is that how you argue with people IRL? 'I think you're trying to be a fuckboy troll, or a fuckboy (whatever they mean) but I can't be bothered to remember what you said that made me think that.  If you can't remember, maybe it wasn't that big a deal and you shouldn't say it?

And as for what really matters, I think how a relationship ends does matter. Some ends are far more painful than others and can make it more difficult for a dumpee to move on or come to terms with it.

Endings are generally only worse because the person has stronger feelings for the person who dumps them. If the person dumps them in a nasty way, if anything it'll make them get over that person more quickly.

Especially if there was no previous suggestions of it AND I had a boyfriend... Yikes!

Fair enough about the first part but how much action do you reckon a guy would get if he never hit on a girl who said she had a boyfriend?

I know I'm a GEN-X gray hair, but are you guys telling me that as millennials, you would consider/label that sort of message as "hitting on girl"?

I can't believe that THAT approach would ever bear fruit.

I'm only able to see it as offensive and producing negative results.

It translates as "I'm drunk'n horny and want to use you as a semen receptacle."

Educate me ;)

Pretty much. There are a couple of guys in my area who are like this, and they're pretty notorious among the expats (male and female). It kind of ruins their shot at a lot of girls who might have been interested in them before. Doesn't mean that they don't get lucky from time to time... but they don't get nearly as lucky as they could.

Using this kind of tactic just kind of sets you up for failure. It rarely works because it's such a huge turnoff. Makes you look desperate and scuzzy.

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Great post by the way turningsteel. 

Acknowledging the differences between men and women is relevant.  Women can't ever fully understand how men think about sex because they can never experience it.

Completely agree with you here; I sympathize with but don't condone it.

I beg to differ, but it isn't important enough for me to go digging around for them.

Nice, is that how you argue with people IRL? 'I think you're trying to be a fuckboy troll, or a fuckboy (whatever they mean) but I can't be bothered to remember what you said that made me think that.  If you can't remember, maybe it wasn't that big a deal and you shouldn't say it?

Or maybe you should take greater care in what you say to begin with. I stand by everything I've said, including the apology if I'm wrong about any of it.

In that regard, it's probably best to think a little more before you post. It's not hard to see where I'm coming from. Like, at all. And it's high time you start being able to take a little of what you dish out. If you don't like people pointing fingers at you, maybe you should stop wagging yours at others so much, especially where it doesn't belong.

If you can't accept that, then we can agree to disagree.

Endings are generally only worse because the person has stronger feelings for the person who dumps them. If the person dumps them in a nasty way, if anything it'll make them get over that person more quickly.

I disagree. A breakup is always worse when one person is being especially nasty about it, no matter how serious or not-serious a relationship was to begin with. Just look at the way you react to how I engage with you on this forum. You don't take it very well when I get nasty with you, and I'm pretty sure you don't really "care" about me in real life one way or the other.

While the lack of strong feelings can make it easier to walk away from a nasty breakup, a "good" breakup will still be easier and be less likely to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

I beg to differ, but it isn't important enough for me to go digging around for them.

Nice, is that how you argue with people IRL? 'I think you're trying to be a fuckboy troll, or a fuckboy (whatever they mean) but I can't be bothered to remember what you said that made me think that.  If you can't remember, maybe it wasn't that big a deal and you shouldn't say it?

Or maybe you should take greater care in what you say to begin with. I stand by everything I've said, including the apology if I'm wrong about any of it.

In that regard, it's probably best to think a little more before you post. It's not hard to see where I'm coming from. Like, at all. And it's high time you start being able to take a little of what you dish out. If you don't like people pointing fingers at you, maybe you should stop wagging yours at others so much, especially where it doesn't belong.

If you can't accept that, then we can agree to disagree.

Endings are generally only worse because the person has stronger feelings for the person who dumps them. If the person dumps them in a nasty way, if anything it'll make them get over that person more quickly.

I disagree. A breakup is always worse when one person is being especially nasty about it, no matter how serious or not-serious a relationship was to begin with. Just look at the way you react to how I engage with you on this forum. You don't take it very well when I get nasty with you, and I'm pretty sure you don't really "care" about me in real life one way or the other.

While the lack of strong feelings can make it easier to walk away from a nasty breakup, a "good" breakup will still be easier and be less likely to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

Yawn, not the old 'you're more offended than me spiel' that crops up in every internet argument ever had. 

Yawn, not the old 'you're more offended than me spiel' that crops up in every internet argument ever had. 

I take it that you're still mad at me then? xD

Mmk, the olive branch is still there for you. I'll leave you alone for if and when you're ready to accept it.

wahhh? i don't know any of my friends who have boyfriends that are 'looking around to trade up' 

If they haven't decided they want to spend the rest of their lives with the person in question, they'll be keeping their options open, you can bet on it.

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Am I the only traditional guy around here, who attracts a girl's attention by throwing small rocks to them?

Try using food. 

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Am I the only traditional guy around here, who attracts a girl's attention by throwing small rocks to them?

Try using food.

I remember all the traditional things my boyfriend did to woo me. Whispering sweet nothings, being a gentleman, going on fun dates, following me to my lair,  laying down a trail of seeds, throwing a pokeball at my face. Nice memories. <3

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Am I the only traditional guy around here, who attracts a girl's attention by throwing small rocks to them?

Chocolate rocks are good. Or are you pelting them at the window in the dark night?

Especially if there was no previous suggestions of it AND I had a boyfriend... Yikes!

Fair enough about the first part but how much action do you reckon a guy would get if he never hit on a girl who said she had a boyfriend?

I know I'm a GEN-X gray hair, but are you guys telling me that as millennials, you would consider/label that sort of message as "hitting on girl"?

I can't believe that THAT approach would ever bear fruit.

I'm only able to see it as offensive and producing negative results.

It translates as "I'm drunk'n horny and want to use you as a semen receptacle."

Educate me ;)

Pretty much. There are a couple of guys in my area who are like this, and they're pretty notorious among the expats (male and female). It kind of ruins their shot at a lot of girls who might have been interested in them before. Doesn't mean that they don't get lucky from time to time... but they don't get nearly as lucky as they could.

Using this kind of tactic just kind of sets you up for failure. It rarely works because it's such a huge turnoff. Makes you look desperate and scuzzy.

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

Great post by the way turningsteel. 

Acknowledging the differences between men and women is relevant.  Women can't ever fully understand how men think about sex because they can never experience it.

Completely agree with you here; I sympathize with but don't condone it.

So dumb.

Women can be just as into casual sex as men, the difference is men seem to be unable to discern whether or not the girl they are talking to wants it. You can't just go around saying that stuff to someone who is not into you. We don't care how you think about sex, it's nothing special, y'all are just lacking common social skills and don't seem to know how to go after casual sex while still respecting social norms & the person you're talking to.

It's not that hard, just don't be an idiot.

Ok, newsflash.  Guys who do this sort of thing tend not to mind their Ps and Qs and keep their elbows off the table do they?  Social skills/social norms go out of the window pretty quickly if you're just looking for sex and you're hedging your bets.

Yea women are into casual sex, but they can get it any time they want so it's COMPLETELY different.

Ok, newsflash.  Guys who do this sort of thing tend not to mind their Ps and Qs and keep their elbows off the table do they?  Social skills/social norms go out of the window pretty quickly if you're just looking for sex and you're hedging your bets.

Yep, it's the numbers game. A bit like spammers who might send a million emails to get one sucker ready to part with his cash.

Women can be just as into casual sex as men, the difference is men seem to be unable to discern whether or not the girl they are talking to wants it. You can't just go around saying that stuff to someone who is not into you. We don't care how you think about sex, it's nothing special, y'all are just lacking common social skills and don't seem to know how to go after casual sex while still respecting social norms & the person you're talking to

Speak for yourself. I've seen plenty of drunk women at parties/night clubs with all the social skills of a walrus, propositioning men for sex.  Had it happen to me a few times as well

Yeah, beleive it or not, different women have different ways of doing things. The scatter gun method that some men use is used becuase it has success. More than you would think. I haven't done that in like 8 years and I honestly couldn't bring myself to do it now, but it was easily the period of my life where I was pulling down the highest numbers. And there were PLENTY of women doing the same thing. Granted you have to leave your ego at the door as it will take a beating, but it works.

NB: This wasn't in Korea. I don't think it would fly here like it does in the west. Though I've never tried it here so I wouldn't know for sure.

No, at night I just stand around the street corners beating my chest like an ape.  You'd be surprised at how successful that can be in Itaewon. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAhIg5Dy3uA

Always sexy.

Great post by the way turningsteel. 

Acknowledging the differences between men and women is relevant.  Women can't ever fully understand how men think about sex because they can never experience it.

Completely agree with you here; I sympathize with but don't condone it.

So dumb.

Women can be just as into casual sex as men, the difference is men seem to be unable to discern whether or not the girl they are talking to wants it. You can't just go around saying that stuff to someone who is not into you. We don't care how you think about sex, it's nothing special, y'all are just lacking common social skills and don't seem to know how to go after casual sex while still respecting social norms & the person you're talking to.

It's not that hard, just don't be an idiot.

+1

But, please, regale me oh wise one of the differences between men and women. We just can't *possibly* understand your arcane Boner Physics. I think what you're trying to say is that you want to bang a lot of chicks without any of them expecting to be treated like people. And, yeah sure, I don't understand that.

What the hell did I start? hahaha