RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0

Especially if there was no previous suggestions of it AND I had a boyfriend... Yikes!

Fair enough about the first part but how much action do you reckon a guy would get if he never hit on a girl who said she had a boyfriend?

I know I'm a GEN-X gray hair, but are you guys telling me that as millennials, you would consider/label that sort of message as "hitting on girl"?

I can't believe that THAT approach would ever bear fruit.

I'm only able to see it as offensive and producing negative results.

It translates as "I'm drunk'n horny and want to use you as a semen receptacle."

Educate me ;)

Pretty much. There are a couple of guys in my area who are like this, and they're pretty notorious among the expats (male and female). It kind of ruins their shot at a lot of girls who might have been interested in them before. Doesn't mean that they don't get lucky from time to time... but they don't get nearly as lucky as they could.

Using this kind of tactic just kind of sets you up for failure. It rarely works because it's such a huge turnoff. Makes you look desperate and scuzzy.

I was raised to treat the girl you are with like you would want your future wife to be treated by the man she is currently with (if you can follow that).

Perhaps it's too profound, but if a man wants his future wife to be treated respectfully, he should treat the girls he dates likewise.

It's kind of a no-brainer, no?

Teachers in the US have been reprimanded or even fired/forced to resign over photos on social media of them with alcohol. 

Can you imagine if teachers in Korea were fired for getting caught drinking?  There'd be hardly any teachers left.

If you bring someone's personal life into a workplace and try to get them fired, YOU should be fired.

If they're an elected representative, I get it.

Anyone remember dongle disaster?

http://techcrunch.com/2013/03/21/a-dongle-joke-that-spiraled-way-out-of-control/

I was raised to treat the girl you are with like you would want your future wife to be treated by the man she is currently with (if you can follow that).

Perhaps it's too profound, but if a man wants his future wife to be treated respectfully, he should treat the girls he dates likewise.

It's kind of a no-brainer, no?

I appreciate a more old fashioned attitude toward the dating scene.  A hearty thumbs up to you, good sir. 

Teachers in the US have been reprimanded or even fired/forced to resign over photos on social media of them with alcohol. 

Can you imagine if teachers in Korea were fired for getting caught drinking?  There'd be hardly any teachers left.

If you bring someone's personal life into a workplace and try to get them fired, YOU should be fired.

If they're an elected representative, I get it.

Anyone remember dongle disaster?

http://techcrunch.com/2013/03/21/a-dongle-joke-that-spiraled-way-out-of-control/

One of the articles I read was about a teacher who was forced to choose between being fired or "voluntarily" resigning because some parent had found a photo of her holding glasses of alcohol on her social media page.  The teacher had no idea how the parent got access to the page because all the settings were set to highly private and she didn't befriend any students.  The teacher ended up suing the school for her job back and I'm not sure what happened thereafter. 

About the same or less, because a girl who says she has a boyfriend is normally not interested

Most girls, especially young ones have 'a boyfriend' but are still looking around to trade up. They're quite happy to use the boyfriend as an excuse to make a guy keep his distance until they're more sure about him. Just from my own experience and seeing how other relationships seem to pan out.

Yeah, based on a lot of eggie's previous comments regarding rape and sex,

 I haven't made any comments about rape or sex that have been particularly controversial. At least outside the liberal arts major Western university bubble.

Teachers in the US have been reprimanded or even fired/forced to resign over photos on social media of them with alcohol. 

Can you imagine if teachers in Korea were fired for getting caught drinking?  There'd be hardly any teachers left.

If you bring someone's personal life into a workplace and try to get them fired, YOU should be fired.

If they're an elected representative, I get it.

Anyone remember dongle disaster?

http://techcrunch.com/2013/03/21/a-dongle-joke-that-spiraled-way-out-of-control/

One of the articles I read was about a teacher who was forced to choose between being fired or "voluntarily" resigning because some parent had found a photo of her holding glasses of alcohol on her social media page.  The teacher had no idea how the parent got access to the page because all the settings were set to highly private and she didn't befriend any students.  The teacher ended up suing the school for her job back and I'm not sure what happened thereafter.

I've heard of that happening before too but they's usually in private schools or catholic/christian schools. I'm not sure about all school contracts, but usually those particular schools have something you have to sign about how you need to behave even publicly so students don't see you. I know for a fact that my 6th grade teacher was a coke head but he kept it together in school and as far as I know he's still teaching. (I also found out years later about his habits but w.e. that's his business)

About the same or less, because a girl who says she has a boyfriend is normally not interested

Most girls, especially young ones have 'a boyfriend' but are still looking around to trade up. They're quite happy to use the boyfriend as an excuse to make a guy keep his distance until they're more sure about him. Just from my own experience and seeing how other relationships seem to pan out.

What kind of people are you hanging around?   

Most of the people I know are not like that.   The type you've found to be common are really uncommon from what I've seen. 

What kind of people are you hanging around?   

Most of the people I know are not like that.   The type you've found to be common are really uncommon from what I've seen.

Come on, how many people these days end up marrying the person they're dating in their early to mid twenties? Most women know they're going to be playing the field when they're young. Also a lot of women don't like being on their own for extended periods of time, so they wait till they've found the next guy before breaking up with the previous one. It's pretty normal behaviour.

What kind of people are you hanging around?   

Most of the people I know are not like that.   The type you've found to be common are really uncommon from what I've seen.

Come on, how many people these days end up marrying the person they're dating in their early to mid twenties? Most women know they're going to be playing the field when they're young.

Then I misunderstood.  Your comments made it sound like overtly cheating.  Most decent people break up with someone before making a new attachment. 

Also, if that's what you mean by "playing the field" it's hardly unique to women-- both sexes tend to date around before settling down. 

In my personal experience I've met far more clingy males than females who can't stand to be alone. 

You made it sound like overtly cheating though.  Most decent people break up with someone before making a new attachment. 

Just hasn't been my experience generally.

You made it sound like overtly cheating though.  Most decent people break up with someone before making a new attachment. 

Just hasn't been my experience generally.

That's kinda what I mean-- I find that unfortunate.  Most people I know are of the decent sort.

Come on, how many people these days end up marrying the person they're dating in their early to mid twenties? Most women know they're going to be playing the field when they're young. Also a lot of women don't like being on their own for extended periods of time, so they wait till they've found the next guy before breaking up with the previous one. It's pretty normal behaviour.

What is "playing the field" to you? Because to me, it means talking to more than one guy to see who you click with, without being exclusive with anyone, so that you can eventually choose a guy to be exclusive with*. It doesn't mean, be a gross cheater that dates with every intention to mess around with other people if someone more interesting comes along. Or am I in the minority here?

*To be clear: TALKING TO. Potentially doing that at a cafe or restaurant or while doing some innocuous fun thing like noraebang, but just getting to know a person via conversation. Not being physically intimate with.

Come on, how many people these days end up marrying the person they're dating in their early to mid twenties? Most women know they're going to be playing the field when they're young. Also a lot of women don't like being on their own for extended periods of time, so they wait till they've found the next guy before breaking up with the previous one. It's pretty normal behaviour.

What is "playing the field" to you? Because to me, it means talking to more than one guy to see who you click with, without being exclusive with anyone, so that you can eventually choose a guy to be exclusive with*. It doesn't mean, be a gross cheater that dates with every intention to mess around with other people if someone more interesting comes along. Or am I in the minority here?

*To be clear: TALKING TO. Potentially doing that at a cafe or restaurant or while doing some innocuous fun thing like noraebang, but just getting to know a person via conversation. Not being physically intimate with.

I always heard "playing the field" used in terms of someone being a cheater. Like that's where being a player stemmed from is how I always saw it.

Come on, how many people these days end up marrying the person they're dating in their early to mid twenties? Most women know they're going to be playing the field when they're young. Also a lot of women don't like being on their own for extended periods of time, so they wait till they've found the next guy before breaking up with the previous one. It's pretty normal behaviour.

What is "playing the field" to you? Because to me, it means talking to more than one guy to see who you click with, without being exclusive with anyone, so that you can eventually choose a guy to be exclusive with*. It doesn't mean, be a gross cheater that dates with every intention to mess around with other people if someone more interesting comes along. Or am I in the minority here?

*To be clear: TALKING TO. Potentially doing that at a cafe or restaurant or while doing some innocuous fun thing like noraebang, but just getting to know a person via conversation. Not being physically intimate with.

I always heard "playing the field" used in terms of someone being a cheater. Like that's where being a player stemmed from is how I always saw it.

Me rn:



You've actually caused me to realize this for the first time. No sarcasm. 

That's kinda what I mean-- I find that unfortunate.  Most people I know are of the decent sort.

Meh, most women in my experience will do anything to avoid breaking up with anyone outright .They either just stop returning phone calls, start flaking on a regular basis and expect the guy to get the message or gradually start seeing someone else.  I wouldn't say people who do this kind of thing aren't decent, just a little spineless maybe. If you know plenty of people who don't behave in this way maybe the dynamics of relationships have changed since I was dating.

Especially if there was no previous suggestions of it AND I had a boyfriend... Yikes!

Fair enough about the first part but how much action do you reckon a guy would get if he never hit on a girl who said she had a boyfriend?

I know I'm a GEN-X gray hair, but are you guys telling me that as millennials, you would consider/label that sort of message as "hitting on girl"?

I can't believe that THAT approach would ever bear fruit.

I'm only able to see it as offensive and producing negative results.

It translates as "I'm drunk'n horny and want to use you as a semen receptacle."

Educate me ;)

Pretty much. There are a couple of guys in my area who are like this, and they're pretty notorious among the expats (male and female). It kind of ruins their shot at a lot of girls who might have been interested in them before. Doesn't mean that they don't get lucky from time to time... but they don't get nearly as lucky as they could.

Using this kind of tactic just kind of sets you up for failure. It rarely works because it's such a huge turnoff. Makes you look desperate and scuzzy.

I totally see what you're saying and doing something so overt like this rarely works, but I understand why guys do it and it has more to do with wanting a casual encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex and less to do with anything scuzzy.  For men, our first thought is 'oh she's attractive and I'm not looking for anything serious..' It's as simple as that.  Women obviously don't see it that way so taking that approach doesn't bear fruit so to speak, but coming from a guy's perspective, I sympathize with but don't condone the moonshot approach.

That's kinda what I mean-- I find that unfortunate.  Most people I know are of the decent sort.

Meh, most women in my experience will do anything to avoid breaking up with anyone outright .They either just stop returning phone calls, start flaking on a regular basis and expect the guy to get the message or gradually start seeing someone else.  I wouldn't say people who do this kind of thing aren't decent, just a little spineless maybe. If you know plenty of people who don't behave in this way maybe the dynamics of relationships have changed since I was dating.

I agree with the spineless comment but I disagree on the part of decency.  "Ghosting" is cowardly and shows a lack of decency as well as poor character.  Unless you're fearful of retaliation from an abusive [ex] partner then there's not really an excuse.  I can understand somewhat if one was a young dumb youth who has somehow escaped learning how to deal with uncomfortable (but necessary) situations but if it becomes a habit one never grows out of, then for shame. 

People should respect others enough to give closure and make an obvious break.  I don't understand this (modern?) trend of ghosting that I've read about.  Laziness and disrespectfulness are so unbecoming. 

From the dumpee's point of view, does it really matter though? It's like getting a polite job rejection letter saying the competition was very tough etc...instead of nothing. People go on about how the former's the decent thing to do and all that but it doesn't actually make anything better.

Yeah, based on a lot of eggie's previous comments regarding rape and sex,

 I haven't made any comments about rape or sex that have been particularly controversial. At least outside the liberal arts major Western university bubble.

I beg to differ, but it isn't important enough for me to go digging around for them. At the same time, I'll also acknowledge that part of the "controversy" behind some of your more disturbing comments may be due to misunderstanding. This is why I hadn't leapt on them at the time, because I was trying to get a better feel for who you are and using probing questions to better gain what you might have actually meant by all of that.

If I misread your intentions, I apologize.

And as for what really matters, I think how a relationship ends does matter. Some ends are far more painful than others and can make it more difficult for a dumpee to move on or come to terms with it. For the person doing the dumping and why, it's a matter of human decency. Even if they're dicks about it now and don't have any sense of remorse over their actions at this time, wrongs do come back to haunt people who mature/grow enough as people to regret them.

It's just better for everyone if a relationship ends on the up-and-up.