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  • confusedsafferinkorea
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5042

    • October 08, 2010, 01:02:32 pm
    • Zhubei, Hsinchu Province, Taiwan
    more
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #40 on: October 01, 2015, 06:08:58 am »
You are in a tough position. I married into a family with similar traits and my ex suffered from depression too. It was hell. Sorry to say this, get out while you can.
Everything is not as it seems.

No one owes you anything.... get over it.

There is no known medical cure for stupidity!


  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2674

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #41 on: October 01, 2015, 08:09:15 am »
This woman must be smokin' hot.  To put up with all of this, she better look like Lee Hyori.  Plus, why do you keep saying "I only make 2 milly bla bla"  You can make more than that if you work and hustle just teaching English on a F Visa.  Learn Korean and stay motivated, it's simple to make over 3 milly, 4-5 is doable without wanting to strangle a kitten bc of stress.  My advice, get out now bc you will never please this type of mother and as Waygook said, your gf might get introduced to mister samsung, LG, doctor, or someone with 50X as much status as you and she will drop you like a bar a soap at the Hamilton Spa.  Especially bc she is not even in a normal state of mind being drugged up for depression and anxiety.

nutty women are more fun.  :wink:

You must have never been with a nutty woman then.
Kpip! - Martin 2018


  • Jennymae22
  • Waygookin

    • 15

    • March 04, 2013, 09:48:19 am
    • South Korea
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #42 on: October 01, 2015, 08:14:31 am »
OP... I don't think anyone is in the position to tell you to run and get out of the situation. This really depends on you... how much you love your girlfriend... what you are willing to compromise and your plans/goals for the future.
Your girlfriend loves you just the way you are, but her mother is only concerned for her daughters future... which I don't blame her. She wants a man who can support her successful daughter because she loves her.. especially since her father was not in her life.
I don't think it is fair for people to start bashing Korean culture for being materialistic.
I think you really need to do some heart to heart talking with your girlfriend and decide on your options... you also need to have a conversation with her mother too. I know with the language gap it is difficult, but your girlfriend needs to translate. If you love her daughter more than words can express... you need to express your feelings to her mother. She needs to know you are in it for the long run & for the right reasons... not just for a fling while you are in Korea. Also, you need to really start to think about your future... and start aiming towards your goal of starting a business. Her mother will be impressed with your passion (I hope). Anyways, good luck with the situation and all the best to you and your girlfriend. I hope everything will work out for the best, as it always does ^^


  • CO2
  • The Legend

    • 4459

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Gunpo
    more
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #43 on: October 01, 2015, 09:31:31 am »
Thanks Jenny. To be honest I am getting the impression that her mother doesn't really care about how I feel about her daughter. She is very obsessed with money. I think if I beat her, visited brothels a few times a week, and treated her like garbage that she would overlook that as long as I was rich.

Just move to Cheongju, they're exempt, apparently.
The joys of fauxtherhood


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #44 on: October 01, 2015, 09:40:33 am »
OP:

Let me be blunt:

*Your GF is on meds
*You think she has some kind of mental problem
*Your GF gets stressed easily
*She hassles you about your apartment cleanliness, and other things she doesnt like
*She gets stressed about her English
*You say her family is anal
*You have called her mom a loon, and have been told she is a Kunt
*Your GF will have to do some education and pass some exams in your country as a Foreign trained professional if she wishes to practice dentistry(could take years)

You really want this?

If I was sure I would have married her and would not be in this thread asking for advice from people.

In this context, I think "not sure" is the same as "no, I don't want this."

And that's not a failure at all. Is what it is.

Actually, I think the biggest red flag was when you said you have to be careful around your girlfriend, like not to upset her... If I ever felt I had to tiptoe, I'd talk to the person about it immediately. Depending on their reaction, I'd stay or go.

I've always said, if it's the right person, there's no question or doubt in your mind. I've been in three relationships where we've considered/expected to get married. The first two I sounded like you, OP. The third has stuck, no doubt in my mind. If you're debating with yourself it's probably time to move on :/

This times 1 million. If it's the right person there will be no doubt in your mind. I've also been in 3 relationships where we've considered getting married. The first two I wasn't sure. The 3rd, there was no doubt. I knew 3 months in that this was the man I wanted to marry. 4 months in we were both talking about getting married eventually. 2 years later and we're now engaged and planning the wedding. If there is doubt, it's time to move on.


  • waygo0k
  • The Legend

    • 3825

    • September 27, 2011, 11:51:01 am
    • Chungnam
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #45 on: October 01, 2015, 11:03:29 am »
Thanks Jenny. To be honest I am getting the impression that her mother doesn't really care about how I feel about her daughter. She is very obsessed with money. I think if I beat her, visited brothels a few times a week, and treated her like garbage that she would overlook that as long as I was rich.

She most definitely wouldn't mind.

She would encourage her daughter to endure the pain...have a couple of kids and file for divorce, guaranteeing a lifetime of income and assets.


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #46 on: October 01, 2015, 01:51:52 pm »
Three seems to be a lot of anxiety in her family. My girlfriend gets stressed super easy. She says she gets stressed about choosing restaurants and little things like that. I think her and her mom aren't comfortable unless everything is 100% to their liking. I have to be very careful around my gf because she gets stressed so easily and does not like to tell me. She gets stressed about English, when I don't eat enough food, or if she pops in without notice and my apartment isn't at her cleanliness standards, and anything else that isn't to her liking. The problem is that she often doesn't tell me these things and keeps them bottled up and stress builds up for her. But I think she has some sort of a mental problem. She has since went and seen a doctor and has gotten meds. It seems to be helping.

Aristocrat, that is a good idea. I guess I have just been trying to buy time. We haven't even known each other a year yet. I think its a bit soon for me to be giving her ultimatiums. I think the reason why she likes me is because I'm basically the opposite of her mom. I am very easy going and care free. I'm afraid if I start dropping the " I expect you to do X by Y time" then it may not work in my favor. There will be a time when I have to do that, but I don't know if we are at that stage where I feel that I should be doing that just yet. But I will have to do that at some point for sure.

OP:

Let me be blunt:

*Your GF is on meds
*You think she has some kind of mental problem
*Your GF gets stressed easily
*She hassles you about your apartment cleanliness, and other things she doesnt like
*She gets stressed about her English
*You say her family is anal
*You have called her mom a loon, and have been told she is a Kunt
*Your GF will have to do some education and pass some exams in your country as a Foreign trained professional if she wishes to practice dentistry(could take years)

You really want this?

If I was sure I would have married her and would not be in this thread asking for advice from people.

In this context, I think "not sure" is the same as "no, I don't want this."

And that's not a failure at all. Is what it is.

Actually, I think the biggest red flag was when you said you have to be careful around your girlfriend, like not to upset her... If I ever felt I had to tiptoe, I'd talk to the person about it immediately. Depending on their reaction, I'd stay or go.

Okay, Superdoodle, you don't want to marry this girl. I don't mean it like, you don't want to marry her, man, don't do it; I mean...you, yourself, do not want to get married to this girl. You've as good as said it.

Not wanting to marry someone less than a year into a relationship isn't necessarily a bad thing, but to reiterate your points and the points of other posters, as well as my own two cents:

* Your GF is controlling. If your apartment isn't neat enough to her liking, she should say, "Let's go to a motel; your dirty socks are bumming me out" or even "I'm so OCD, tee-hee, I'll pay for a maid to come in a couple times a week." This is not something that should freak her out. Mildly annoy, okay, but not upset her.

* You are constantly walking on eggshells so as not to upset her with hideous Sophie's Choice-esque problems like what food she wants to eat.

* Her family members cannot stand each other and the whole gang seems really dysfunctional.

* Her mother. Mothers-in-law are like war; they never change (and are unlikely to have a cool voiceover by Ron Perlman.) I am not going to say anything else about her mom because there is nothing I NEED to say.

* Your relationship sounds uncomfortable.

* Your girlfriend is not forthcoming with her feelings. This is especially toxic considering there is likely a bit of a language barrier.

* You don't sound happy.

* The wage imbalance is an issue. As long as it exists, it'll continue to cause family strife. And what happens when you guys have a kid and she quits working?

* Do you want to have children with someone so nervy and panicky? I wouldn't.

* She's on depression medication. Unless she is very non-traditional as a person, I would wager that a Korean woman who is on depression medication is probably batshit because they are crazy stupid prejudiced against that sort of thing in Korea.

* She is not pushing back against her mom, just letting the crazy wash over her like a wave. Fine survival tactic when you're alone, horrible tactic to have when you have someone you love who you're supposed to stand up for.


You may really love her, even like her as a person, but there is no future here IMHO. You just really do not sound happy.


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #47 on: October 01, 2015, 02:52:17 pm »
This woman must be smokin' hot.  To put up with all of this, she better look like Lee Hyori.  Plus, why do you keep saying "I only make 2 milly bla bla"  You can make more than that if you work and hustle just teaching English on a F Visa.  Learn Korean and stay motivated, it's simple to make over 3 milly, 4-5 is doable without wanting to strangle a kitten bc of stress.  My advice, get out now bc you will never please this type of mother and as Waygook said, your gf might get introduced to mister samsung, LG, doctor, or someone with 50X as much status as you and she will drop you like a bar a soap at the Hamilton Spa.  Especially bc she is not even in a normal state of mind being drugged up for depression and anxiety.

nutty women are more fun.  :wink:

You must have never been with a nutty woman then.

maybe you are right.  one of them is in prison.


  • confusedsafferinkorea
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5042

    • October 08, 2010, 01:02:32 pm
    • Zhubei, Hsinchu Province, Taiwan
    more
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #48 on: October 01, 2015, 07:46:27 pm »
You are in a tough position. I married into a family with similar traits and my ex suffered from depression too. It was hell. Sorry to say this, get out while you can.

what happened?

Her sister spent many a month in drug rehab. Her brother is an %%@@. Her one sister is totally nuts, the other sister appears to be normal, her father went from a successful businessman and farmer to a slobbering drunk who suffered from depression as well and eventually died from too much alcohol. He also tried to shoot his wife, but was thankfully too drunk to aim straight.  She is my ex because of irrational behaviour, mood swings every 5 minutes, ranging from happiness to throwing cups at me for no reason whatsoever. Neglected our children, I had to raise them both on my own, while she either studied for her next degree or spent her time in a state of depression in bed for days on end. Stuck it out for 20 plus years for the kids sake and then quit the deal. Now I am married to a Filipina who is the exact opposite.

Guess you get the picture. I thought it would be fine, I saw the warning signs of a cuckoo family but ignored in for the sake of 'love'. Bad mistake.
Everything is not as it seems.

No one owes you anything.... get over it.

There is no known medical cure for stupidity!


  • furbs178
  • Newgookin

    • 1

    • June 20, 2013, 03:07:29 pm
    • Namcheon, Busan
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #49 on: October 01, 2015, 08:55:16 pm »
I dated my wife for 5 years before we got married. She told her mom about me around year 3 (that we were dating, she already knew I was a friend). Her mom insisted she break up with me. Then after like 6 months her mom gave up and was kind of okay with it. Then when she told her dad, he almost threw her out of the house. He ordered her to break up with me. Being a foreigner is one thing, being just a teacher is another. Either way, non-Korean was the biggest offender since the parents immediately suspect I would either divorce her, get her pregnant and run away, or take her with me back to the US and they'd never see her again. We persisted and only last year (4th year) her dad finally gave in and wanted to meet me. 6 months later we were married. Now her parents love me. They worry if we have enough money and I had to explain my future plans and where I want to be job-wise in a few years and all that in the initial meeting.

If you just get super stubborn they eventually give up. I have a friend who had a much harder experience that involved his gf running away to live with him in his apartment. He is now married to her and does fine. Persistence and trying to support your gf (since she gets the most stress from her mom) is the best thing you can do. The parent (in many cases) eventually sees the two of you are very serious (because disobeying your parents in Korea is a big deal too). Hopefully, once she gets to know you or something, things will be better. If your gf is worth it, then fight tooth and nail. Learning as much Korean as possible is also important. You have to show your effort to the parents (studying Korean, following Korean customs as much as you can, and so on.)

Good luck.


  • Loki88
  • Expert Waygook

    • 722

    • July 25, 2014, 08:41:07 am
    • Seoul
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #50 on: October 02, 2015, 07:40:49 am »
I met and dated my wife in my home country before coming here specifically to ask for permission to marry her... so that might change some of it but;

They were pretty chill. My mother-in-law is annoying as hell as she talks way too much. my father-in-law otoh might be one of the most relaxed guys I've ever met.

A couple of suggestions;

1. I made it clear I planned to come here for a couple of years to nail down my Korean skills and save for a masters. (This was about 1.5 years prior to our arrival.)
2. I made it very clear that teaching was a temporary gig and not the plan... my actual career choice is definitely more well paid. I even laid on the 'understanding my wife's culture better' line. (Ie. Make it seem like you are doing it for your wife/them.)

IOW; Make it clear that you won't be working or the equivalent of minimum wage for the rest of your life and that you have a solid plan.

Also accept that some people will never like you. My brother-in-law found out that I existed when I showed up on his doorstep for Christmas one year and that I wasn't a teacher :)


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #51 on: October 02, 2015, 07:59:15 am »
Quote
I met and dated my wife in my home country before coming here specifically to ask for permission to marry her... so that might change some of it but;

Do people still do this? I guess it's just a kind of quaint tradition now, or if the father  had said no, would you have said fair enough and cancelled the marriage?


  • Korea13
  • Super Waygook

    • 494

    • May 29, 2013, 08:36:18 am
    • korea
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #52 on: October 02, 2015, 08:17:54 am »
Quote
I met and dated my wife in my home country before coming here specifically to ask for permission to marry her... so that might change some of it but;

Do people still do this? I guess it's just a kind of quaint tradition now, or if the father  had said no, would you have said fair enough and cancelled the marriage?


Yes people still do this. If you respect your girlfriend and her family, you will man up and ask her father or mother for her hand in marriage.

Asking for the parents blessing is a way of showing respect. People do it all around the world even in western countries.

If the father say no, it is up to the both of you (yourself and girlfriend)  to decided what is the next step.

Whether the father say "yes" or "no" doesn't really matter. You doing it to show respect for your girlfriend, her family, yourself and your family.


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #53 on: October 02, 2015, 08:33:59 am »
Quote
Whether the father say "yes" or "no" doesn't really matter. You doing it to show respect for your girlfriend, her family, yourself and your family.

Oh dear, that's a lot of  people I dissed then   :sad: I'm surprised any of them turned up at the wedding.


  • Korea13
  • Super Waygook

    • 494

    • May 29, 2013, 08:36:18 am
    • korea
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #54 on: October 02, 2015, 08:46:01 am »
Quote
Whether the father say "yes" or "no" doesn't really matter. You doing it to show respect for your girlfriend, her family, yourself and your family.

Oh dear, that's a lot of  people I dissed then   :sad: I'm surprised any of them turned up at the wedding.

Don't worry, you don't need too many people. Go to Vegas and bring 1-2 of your friend. Or just ask random strangers on the street.  :police:
« Last Edit: October 02, 2015, 08:47:45 am by Korea13 »


  • stuman
  • Veteran

    • 124

    • May 13, 2011, 12:31:52 pm
    • South Korea
Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #55 on: October 02, 2015, 08:49:00 am »
OP: Who says you have to stay in Korea for the rest of your life?

BTW: It's normal not to meet the parents until you are ready to get married, so that may not have to come for a couple more years.

BTW2: If the mother is as crazy as you say she is, then maybe the daughter would be happy to put some space between her too.


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #56 on: December 17, 2018, 09:44:24 pm »
This thread is from 2015. But since OP is still an active contributor to waygook.org, I feel it appropriate to ask for an update?

Did you marry into this loony family, or end up running for the hills?


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #57 on: December 17, 2018, 10:07:42 pm »
Not meeting the parents/family until marriage is asinine.  I want to see what type of people raised my potential wife and make sure I'm not inheriting a huge headache from crazy or destitute parents I'll have to foot the bill for after marriage. I look at it as part of the package.  No thanks, Jeff. 


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #58 on: December 18, 2018, 07:01:39 am »
i met my girlfriend's parents a few weeks ago and they were super nice


Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #59 on: December 18, 2018, 07:58:59 am »
This thread is from 2015. But since OP is still an active contributor to waygook.org, I feel it appropriate to ask for an update?

Did you marry into this loony family, or end up running for the hills?

Why are you pulling up a thread from 2015? It's so bizarre. Anyways I bailed on the whole thing. She was a great girl but it wasn't meant to be. I have been with my current gf for a few years now and her family loves me. This story has a happy ending it seems.