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  • Waygook Lord

    • 6130

    • October 03, 2011, 01:50:58 pm
Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #160 on: March 16, 2014, 07:52:55 am »
Why can't you be accurate and refer to yourselves as "someone from the USA"?
It's  matter of efficiency.

"someone from the USA": seven syllables

"United Statesian": six syllables

"American": four syllables

(quicker to write, type, and say that way)


  • EL34
  • Expert Waygook

    • 728

    • September 28, 2013, 07:48:34 pm
Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #161 on: March 16, 2014, 08:47:43 am »
Why can't you be accurate and refer to yourselves as "someone from the USA"?
It's  matter of efficiency.

"someone from the USA": seven syllables

"United Statesian": six syllables

"American": four syllables

(quicker to write, type, and say that way)

The United States of America was supposed to be a temporary name, or so I read. I guess the name's never been changed because the government is too busy taking care of important issues, like social programs, healthcare, and the infrastructure.


Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #162 on: March 16, 2014, 06:56:32 pm »
Didnt read the whole thread but....
The mother and grandmother being more open minded and intelligent doesnt surprise me.
As far as the dad, sounds like hes at least agreed to tolerate you, which is about all you can hope for. He still wishes you were korean, im sure. And he probably looks down on his daughter deep down for being with a foreigner, but f it!
Id say build a nice relationship with the mom and g-mom, stay loyal to your wife/fiance, and just kind of accept that her dad is a d bag. Basically as you would a redneck friend whos not too bright, but you just kinda let it slide.


Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #163 on: March 17, 2014, 03:32:01 am »
I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the reactions you are getting from the mother and father are purely cultural.  A very similar thing happened to me recently, and I was dating someone chinese whose parents ended up not approving of me.  The reason they didn't approve of me was because I didn't fit their culture's definition of an appropriate girlfriend for their son.  I'm guessing, even though I'm not in your shoes, that a similar thing has happened and the family is looking out for the person you are dating.  They are giving that person advice and trying to help them make the right decision. 

Put yourself in your lover's shoes.  How would you feel if you loved someone, but your parents hated them and kept telling you to steer away from them? In some circumstances, especially if your parents were to really forcefully put the heat on you to leave your lover, would you stay? I know some people who wouldn't because the fighting and negativity would be too much for them to deal with.  I mean, think of it, every time the relationship comes up in a conversation with her parents, they'd be saying really negative things about it.  It would be tough to stay positive about it after a while.

The fact that she seems to be sticking up for you and things are going a little more positively than before is amazing. She'd have to go against a very family-oriented culture to tell her family that she wants to do her own thing.  For someone of a more western mindset, doing your own thing is easier.  For a more asian mindset, going against the family is tough. Some people just can't do it.

Hang in there and if she loves you, she'll find a way to fit you into the family mold.  In the mean time, just think of all the things you are doing that aggravate the family. If you really want to stick it out, you'll have to work to make the family like you.  If they don't, is it really worth being with a family who can't love you for who you are and who want you to change to fit their mold?


Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #164 on: March 17, 2014, 02:20:25 pm »
This really is not uncommon to the western world either. At least my family is pretty similar. My dad has loosened up a bit, but I wasn't even allowed to date anyone until I was either out of his home or twenty-one. Growing up when I got a cell phone (age 15, I bought it with my own money because I had a job)I added my guy friends to it. The first time a guy called me I happened to be in the car with my dad and he freaked out. He asked who he was and then took the phone out of my hand. He asked the guy probably 50 questions about himself in the 10 minutes. He sounded like a police officer. Then he told me that I was allowed to talk to the guy, but I couldn't call him after 6pm. He would always try to make me too busy to talk to anyone.

Sadly even when I moved out of his house at age 17 I still had similar issues. He would try to control every aspect of my life. When I got into a serious relationship he met the guy once and would always grill me about his life, his family, and everything. He would tell me what I could and could not do, but of course I didn't live with him. I would have to start just saying I was too busy to talk with him if he asked any questions I didn't want to answer.

I moved a couple states over with my bf and my dad flipped out. It caused everyone in my family to be upset with my bf. It became so bad that when I visited them they would all say mean things. My mom didn't really care too much, but I have a huge family. 4 brothers and 5 sisters. Even my aunts were not so accepting. They kept asking why I chose a white guy and not a black guy. My parents and siblings don't care about race, but a lot of our extended family does. My siblings cared more that I had moved so far away (you can imagine the conversation I had to have about coming to Korea).

The whole situation just made me more and more depressed. I had a very hard time being with him. Sadly the relationship ended after 5 years. He ended up not being the person I thought he was. My families relationship with me completely changed after I told them. It was ridiculous and very upsetting. My mom and my youngest sister were such great supporters of us, but my dad always has to win and the family listens to him. I have many friends whose dad has been the same way. Mostly us who grew up in Christian homes. The father's feel like they need to have the final say in every aspect of our lives. My friends have broken of engagements because of their fathers. Some after 4+ years with the person.


I am happy that the OP has stuck it out and I would really like to hear how the Korean lessons and family relationship is going.

Also when were you looking to move back to the states?
"To fall in love with God is the greatest of all romances; to seek him, the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement."

- Raphael Simon


Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #165 on: March 18, 2014, 03:49:38 pm »
Mexicans aren't from Mexico. Indonesians aren't from Indonesia. Americans aren't from America.

In reality, nobody uses the official names for most countries all of the time. Bolivians are from Bolivia, right? Wrong! They are from the Plurinational State of Bolivia. Brazilians are from the Federative Republic of Brazil. Greeks are surely from Greece, right? Of course not, Greeks are from the Hellenic Republic.

There aren't continents - homes to nearly a billion people, as in the case of America - called "Mexico", "Bolivia", "Brazil" or "Greece".

Typical USA citizen myopia and arrogance - and outrage when someone dares to stand up to their brutal cultural imperialism agenda.

Dunno why I'm even responding, but "America" is not a continent. There is North America and there is South America, but there is no continent called "America."
All the Canadians, Mexicans, Guatemalans, etc are free to use the name of their continent and call themselves "North Americans." No one is stealing their name.


  • ejk02
  • Explorer

    • 7

    • March 19, 2014, 12:23:37 am
    • Anyang
Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #166 on: March 19, 2014, 01:00:16 am »
I'm sorry to hear your story.


Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #167 on: March 19, 2014, 08:02:39 am »
Mexicans aren't from Mexico. Indonesians aren't from Indonesia. Americans aren't from America.

In reality, nobody uses the official names for most countries all of the time. Bolivians are from Bolivia, right? Wrong! They are from the Plurinational State of Bolivia. Brazilians are from the Federative Republic of Brazil. Greeks are surely from Greece, right? Of course not, Greeks are from the Hellenic Republic.

There aren't continents - homes to nearly a billion people, as in the case of America - called "Mexico", "Bolivia", "Brazil" or "Greece".

Typical USA citizen myopia and arrogance - and outrage when someone dares to stand up to their brutal cultural imperialism agenda.

Dunno why I'm even responding, but "America" is not a continent. There is North America and there is South America, but there is no continent called "America."
All the Canadians, Mexicans, Guatemalans, etc are free to use the name of their continent and call themselves "North Americans." No one is stealing their name.

Just to keep up the fun, it is worth noting that many people these days do refer to the America's as a single continent, given the definition of that word. Similar to Eurasia. During class I teach the various options, as students know North and South America but seem to prefer Eurasia.


  • popeye2u
  • Expert Waygook

    • 875

    • April 05, 2011, 09:45:37 am
    • S of N. Korea
Re: Her parents did not approve of me :(
« Reply #168 on: March 19, 2014, 09:07:35 am »
Op, did you finally drop her and go to the Philippines to find true love and harmony and an understanding family? I didnt want to peruse all 9 pages to know.  8)
Illegally Screwed By Employers in Korea:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1628928127347749/