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  • zmffhdl
  • Adventurer

    • 36

    • January 18, 2013, 09:13:21 pm
    • South Korea
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2013, 10:07:58 pm »
Here's the thing, when looking for someone from a different culture you will find it hard to detect what should be red alarms in terms of personality or personality elements that will make the relationship not work.

The poster who mentioned two of her experience would have detected such mismatches if the two guys had been of her culture.

Actually, I just really suck at judging people especially the opposite sex  :-[


Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2013, 10:33:59 pm »
I think it's okay to be forward.  What I've heard from my Korean friends is that woman pursue men here, and woman are supposed to make the first move.
I've only had one Korean boyfriend but he did conform to SOME of the stereotypes.  He was really clingy before we even met, but I found it flattering.  He said he wanted to be my boyfriend like on the first date I think. But I was looking for a boyfriend and he was the only viable option at the time. He was really sweet and very old fashion in some ways.  He always held the door for me and pull out my chair.  He always wanted to give me his coat if he thought I was cold. On the downside, he also always wanted to pay for everything even though I made more money.  Also he did say things about how I should dress like this or like that because I am a woman.  He said he's dated foreigners before but I think I was his first Western girlfriend because he didn't understand why I got upset when he told me how to dress.  And he has never visited an English speaking country so he doesn't seem to know much about Western culture. I'm not really sure but a part of me suspects that he dated me so he could say he he had an American girlfriend. But I dated him because I wanted a Korean boyfriend.  And I think he wanted to have sex right away.  We didn't but I didn't wait that long either. I didn't really care he if thought I was a slutty American and he didn't seem to think that.  He was actually more chill.
So it's a mixed bag.  But definitely test the waters. There are some really good Korean guys (although all the ones I know are married or gay).


  • lobotronic
  • Veteran

    • 128

    • November 25, 2011, 05:42:08 am
    • South Korea
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #22 on: January 25, 2013, 12:01:02 am »
What about sex? Is it in any way similar to Western dating in that regard?

Everything is in the same place, and works the same way, if that's what you mean.

No, but thanks for that. Very informative.

I meant: What are the "norms" when it comes to sex? Like I said, I'm forward. If I go on a date and it goes well and we're both attracted to each other, I'm not naturally inclined to play it coy. I don't play hard to get. I'm picky, but if I'm attracted to someone, I'm not interested in waiting an arbitrary period of time before I have sex wit them. I don't know the social norms when it comes to sexual relationships. I'm not going to completely change myself to date Korean men, but I don't want to act like an idiot or scare them away, either.

Basically: no matter what the "Typical korean woman" does, don't change yourself just because you want to seem like a "good" girl.

Generalizations head, which are mostly true but have exceptions: Korean girls typically don't initiate sex without being coy. Korean girls will say "no" even when they mean "Yes". Korean women are just like any other women--they want sex too! but years of cultural teaching have forced them to never admit it, and to lie about it when asked. Korean couples also rarely talk about birth control. You should stay 100% on top of birth control and carry your own condoms because Korean guys can sometimes get sneaky and insist that it's okay without them. It's so annoying.

Korean guys also play into the cultural expectations. They want to have sex with you, but if you give in too quickly, some guys will see this as a bad thing (double standards! they wanted it too, but because you said yes you're a slut now. congratulations). But some korean dudes don't mind and really appreciate you being on the same level as them. Also be aware that you WILL encounter guys who are using you to "try" sex with a foreigner. This sucks, it hurts, it will piss you off--but that is just them being jerks, and this behaviour is NOT shared by ALL korean men. It's hard to stay away from generalizations but you have to fight the urge! But at the same time, culture plays a big role in how they act! So furstrating, I know. Sorreh!

How do you tell these two types (shame you for having sex too fast despite being a willing partner versus love it when you initiate ASAP) of korean guys apart? You can't. So just do what you normally do and dive in when you feel the chemistry is right and then deal with problems where they pop up. I slept with a few guys who seemed 100% interested in real romance, but they disappeared without a trace after one night together. I thought I was a crazy person and from that day I held off on sex for ridiculous lengths of time....until one day I realized it was not me, it was THEM who had a problem. I respect cultural differences but I refuse to bow to expectations when it comes to my private life. I do enough of that "playing the culture game" at school! I'm dating a really cool guy now, and things look good. ^^


Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #23 on: January 25, 2013, 06:46:42 am »
You'll likely be seen as really easy if you sleep with someone right away. Western women are often thought of as looser (thanks, Hollywood!,) and doing that would only make that stereotype stronger.

I'm not saying you have to change who you are, but know that there are probable repercussions. How well do you really know someone the first time you go out, anyway?

Repercussions? Like they won't invite me to be a member of the good country club? Oh dear. *Clutches pearls.*

I don't need to know someone well to have sex with them. I just need to know that I want to have sex with them. Same as in the States. However, it might be harder here because of the language barrier. I'm not generally all that attracted to people I can't communicate well with.


Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #24 on: January 25, 2013, 06:51:11 am »
What about sex? Is it in any way similar to Western dating in that regard?

Everything is in the same place, and works the same way, if that's what you mean.

No, but thanks for that. Very informative.

I meant: What are the "norms" when it comes to sex? Like I said, I'm forward. If I go on a date and it goes well and we're both attracted to each other, I'm not naturally inclined to play it coy. I don't play hard to get. I'm picky, but if I'm attracted to someone, I'm not interested in waiting an arbitrary period of time before I have sex wit them. I don't know the social norms when it comes to sexual relationships. I'm not going to completely change myself to date Korean men, but I don't want to act like an idiot or scare them away, either.

Basically: no matter what the "Typical korean woman" does, don't change yourself just because you want to seem like a "good" girl.

Generalizations head, which are mostly true but have exceptions: Korean girls typically don't initiate sex without being coy. Korean girls will say "no" even when they mean "Yes". Korean women are just like any other women--they want sex too! but years of cultural teaching have forced them to never admit it, and to lie about it when asked. Korean couples also rarely talk about birth control. You should stay 100% on top of birth control and carry your own condoms because Korean guys can sometimes get sneaky and insist that it's okay without them. It's so annoying.

Korean guys also play into the cultural expectations. They want to have sex with you, but if you give in too quickly, some guys will see this as a bad thing (double standards! they wanted it too, but because you said yes you're a slut now. congratulations). But some korean dudes don't mind and really appreciate you being on the same level as them. Also be aware that you WILL encounter guys who are using you to "try" sex with a foreigner. This sucks, it hurts, it will **** you off--but that is just them being jerks, and this behaviour is NOT shared by ALL korean men. It's hard to stay away from generalizations but you have to fight the urge! But at the same time, culture plays a big role in how they act! So furstrating, I know. Sorreh!

How do you tell these two types (shame you for having sex too fast despite being a willing partner versus love it when you initiate ASAP) of korean guys apart? You can't. So just do what you normally do and dive in when you feel the chemistry is right and then deal with problems where they pop up. I slept with a few guys who seemed 100% interested in real romance, but they disappeared without a trace after one night together. I thought I was a crazy person and from that day I held off on sex for ridiculous lengths of time....until one day I realized it was not me, it was THEM who had a problem. I respect cultural differences but I refuse to bow to expectations when it comes to my private life. I do enough of that "playing the culture game" at school! I'm dating a really cool guy now, and things look good. ^^
[/quote

Thanks, this was really useful. I'm kinda okay with a guy who just wants to screw an American. I'm really not here to fall in love...I just want to have some fun. However, if he's gonna be an ass about it, I'm really not interested in that.

I'm always on top of the condom thing. Guys in the States can be the same way. I'm scrupulous about safer sex, but thanks for the reminder to grab some rubbers at the store.

Obviously, I want to learn about cultural differences and try to play nice, but I'm definitely not going to act like a different person. I can't imagine putting up with a guy trying to tell me what to WEAR. That's so weird to me. I'd probably just start laughing.


  • confusedsafferinkorea
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5183

    • October 08, 2010, 01:02:32 pm
    • Zhubei, Hsinchu Province, Taiwan
    more
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #25 on: January 25, 2013, 08:12:53 am »
Wow, this thread is going down the toilet fast.

Not really the place to discuss your sexual behaviour and motives.    :huh: :huh:
There is no known medical cure for stupidity!


  • confusedsafferinkorea
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5183

    • October 08, 2010, 01:02:32 pm
    • Zhubei, Hsinchu Province, Taiwan
    more
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #26 on: January 25, 2013, 09:04:49 am »
These are important factors. It is not the US or wherever she's from. She will probably be viewed as loose here if she sleeps with him the first time they go out. I don't think that she is, but she should be aware of how she will likely be viewed by Koreans. I didn't say it's certain, but it certainly is likely.

I agree it is important for her to know these things, any girl that sleeps with a guy on their  first date and doesn't deem it necessary to know the person very well before doing so, is rightly or wrongly going to be viewed as 'loose' in any society, not just here.

I must admit, however, I don't think this is the right place for her (not you) to air her sexual preferences (past performances).  It is getting a little like a 'Dear Sally' kind of thread where one asks for specific advice. The thread moved away from dating a Korean to having sex with a Korean.
There is no known medical cure for stupidity!


  • money55
  • Super Waygook

    • 277

    • July 05, 2011, 02:12:38 pm
    • south korea
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #27 on: January 25, 2013, 09:06:53 am »
Actually you shouldn't have sex with anyone on the first date. It's likely to  cloud your judgement.   Sex releases a chemical called dopa mine  in your brain and while it seems like all good and fun now.( It's really not) . The more time you waste with somebody then you are losing out on an opportunity to be with someone else that actually care about you. This is Korea, it has a huge red light district, Juicy Girls, and hotessbars.  Korean men already think foreigners are easy. If you talk to any foreign I'm betting half of them have been asked if they were Russian?

We're Just giving you some girl to girl advice,  but it's you're life so take it or leave it.

Speaking of dating Korean men Men are Men before they are Korean.  Find a Korean friend and go on a group date at first bringing someone else along since it makes you seem proper. That is how Koreans traditionally date.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2013, 09:17:21 am by money55 »


  • taewon
  • Super Waygook

    • 406

    • July 04, 2012, 12:00:38 pm
    • Seoul
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #28 on: January 25, 2013, 01:17:57 pm »
@Bammer- Do what you want when you want when it comes to dating. Don't listen to these high horse people blathering about you ruining the reps of the expats.
"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."
Rodney Dangerfield


Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #29 on: January 25, 2013, 01:21:43 pm »
I'm sure you all think you're being helpful, but I AM loose. I'm interested in finding a sex partner and friend who is not going to get extraordinarily clingy or try to make me his "girlfriend" after two dates. I'd like this to be something ongoing, because, as many have said, it's not really terribly safe to just pick up random guys for sex all the time. Hence, I don't want to scare the guys off.

I guess I should have been more explicit in my OP, but I was trying to get a broad range of answers in case I decide to stay here for a few years and do want to get into a more serious relationship.

We are all adults here, right?


  • taewon
  • Super Waygook

    • 406

    • July 04, 2012, 12:00:38 pm
    • Seoul
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #30 on: January 25, 2013, 02:00:26 pm »
@Bammer- Do what you want when you want when it comes to dating. Don't listen to these high horse people blathering about you ruining the reps of the expats.

... says the guy who's never been groped or propositioned here by old men.
I say I say I say How dare you mamm  :wink:
"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."
Rodney Dangerfield


  • money55
  • Super Waygook

    • 277

    • July 05, 2011, 02:12:38 pm
    • south korea
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #31 on: January 25, 2013, 03:01:39 pm »
Tayeng you're not a woman.


No one is on their high horse. Besides, she asked us for dating advice, that is what we gave her.  It turns out that she doesn't want a date but a booty call or FWB situation.  She didn't make herself clear because for someone loose(her words, not mine) , she was a bit embarrassed by just starting out with How do I get a Bootycall in Korea. 

The way you get a bootycall in Korea is the same way you get a bootycall anywhere. Meet him at a bar, get drunk, and sleep with him.  If he asked you to go to a DVD room with him then go....

I'm against it but it's your life so do as you please. 



  • lotte world
  • The Legend

    • 2272

    • August 22, 2011, 09:00:38 pm
    more
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #32 on: January 25, 2013, 03:11:30 pm »
I'm sure you all think you're being helpful, but I AM loose.


Better stay celibate for a while, then.  That'll tighten it right up.


Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #33 on: January 25, 2013, 03:20:23 pm »
I'm sure you all think you're being helpful, but I AM loose.

 :laugh:

Right on!

I think that there are websites that you can go to where you can specify that you're looking to just hook up with people-- not so sure about the FWB situation, but I'd imagine that you wouldn't have such a hard time getting a response. It might be alright to set up a 'date' where you screen the guy and then decide whether or not it feels right. 

The bars are alright I guess but the problem there is that you rarely find someone here who isn't part of a groupů so unless you're on the prowl with your buds it could be a little daunting and annoying. If you have Korean girlfriends they could take you to a nightclub or something, but I'm not sure how you would feel about that.

I had a friend who sort of dressed a little provocatively and ended up being labeled 'Russian'-- she got a lot of unwanted attention, even to the point where random guys would show up at her door at 3AM, expecting to sleep with her. So you do need to be careful.

Personally, I think it's great that you're comfortable with this kind of thing but at the same time you really should be mindful of the culture differences.


  • Morticae
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1400

    • August 31, 2010, 12:45:33 pm
Re: Foreign Women Dating Korean Men
« Reply #34 on: January 25, 2013, 03:22:13 pm »
Apparently SK is the new sex buddy tourist destination, huh?

Teaching kids by day and groping their older brothers by night!

I don't think a thread like this needs to exist.