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1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« on: May 28, 2011, 06:22:46 am »
(throwaway account to protect the names of the innocent)

I've been able to find a lot of information about people who have handed in their resignation before the end of their contract.  However, I can't seem to find anything about couples who break up while here on a couple position (we signed individual contracts, though).  So I humbly turn to your collective wisdom and shared experience, because after a long period of a lot of difficult talks, my partner and I have come to the incredibly difficult and personal decision to split.  I'll spare the details, but essentially the relationship isn't working and we have both decided that the differences/issues are not reconcilable.

We are the only two foreign teachers at our hagwon and currently share a one-bedroom apartment.  Our school has treated us very well the entire time, but with the split I am looking to hand in my resignation (contract began in March) and go home.  My partner would stay and finish out the year.  However, I am not sure what to do about:

1. Telling the boss as to my reason for leaving.
2. How the school will (re)act between now and my leaving.
3. What they will do with my partner once they find out I want to leave. (i.e. Will they fire my partner and look for a new couple, since we're the only foreign teachers and they just have the single one-room apartment? Or will they hire someone new and make this new person share a bedroom with my partner?  Something else?)
4. How they will treat my partner when I leave.

While I know that people are individuals and everyone's reactions will vary (i.e. there's no real way to predict), I was wondering if anyone had ever been in this situation or knows of someone who was?  If so, what happened?  Any thoughts/advice to share?

Thanks.


  • cruisemonkey
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Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2011, 06:50:47 am »
The biggest thing (other than the disapproval your partner will undoubtedly face) will  be the hogwan has (probably - we don't know the exact situation) put down key money on a one-bedroom apartment (because you're a couple) instead of two, 'studios'/'one rooms', Now, they will be forced to shell out more key money for an apartment for your replacement. Your ex-partner can expect financial repercussions!
The Ks once gave me five minutes notice. I didn't know what to do with the extra time.


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2011, 08:25:32 am »
I can't be of help. But are you sure you want to split up? Throughout the whole post, you're still calling him/her your partner...


  • oskinny1
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    • November 01, 2010, 10:31:37 am
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Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2011, 08:37:57 am »
Couldn't you just move to another apartment and keep your job? If you can do that there will be much less bad blood for your ex. You can tell the school about the situation and see if they'll be helpful. If they don't care you can tel them that you will have to leave the school if they can't find you a separate apartment (something they'll have to do anyway if they hire another teacher...that is if they don't fire your partner). Let them know about the money they'll save by doing this. Sell it to them.


  • Yu_Bumsuk
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    • March 03, 2011, 02:10:36 pm
    • Hicksville, ROK
Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2011, 10:44:09 am »
Tell them your mother is deathly ill and you have to go home to take care of her.


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2011, 06:27:15 pm »
Thanks for the responses everyone!

The situation is pretty tricky as we're the only native english teachers in the school, meaning we share all of the same courses, classes, etc.  We even share the same desk/computer, where we spent up to half of the work day sometimes.  Staying in that job would still mean that we spend most of our waking hours together.  I don't see how that could possibly be a good situation.

My main concern is if she's likely to be fired once I leave (finding a new couple is probably cheaper than finding a second place to house a foreigner).  But I can't find any information about anyone who has ever been in a similar circumstance to know if that's likely/common or not.  And I'm a bit afraid to just ask our boss what they would do, because just asking the question changes everything.


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2011, 08:02:48 pm »
There's really no telling how they'll react without knowing them, sorry to say, but if I had to guess, they'll look for a couple to replace you both, then let your ex go once they've found a replacement if only because it will save them money.

Personally, it's what I would do if I were the hogwon owner.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2011, 08:06:37 pm by pizza hamburger »


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2011, 06:05:44 am »
I agree. Hagwons are all about money. They wil probably fire your ex, because you were appointed as a couple. I have 2 friends who lived in Korea for a year and they were dating for 6 years already. The also broke up halfway through the year (the also lived in an apartment together) but they both stayed till the end of the year. My friend went home and her boyfriend stayed here for another year. They were at different schools, but they still had to live together till the end of the contracts. Their schools would not let them move.


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2011, 07:25:45 am »
I can't be of help. But are you sure you want to split up? Throughout the whole post, you're still calling him/her your partner...

Jeez, really? Is this Dr. Phil? Pretty sure they know if they want to split up.

As for a response to the OP.

I personally do not think for a second that the school is going to take this very well Fore the exact reasons the first responder said, extra housing extra key money, extra hassle and what not.

If I was a guessing man, if you tried to quite your ex is going to get a crap storm sent down her way too, and in all likelihood, they are going to FIRE her and bring in another couple. IT sounds like your school is smaller and the entire point of bringing in a couple is the savings on money. If that arrangemnt is gone, then there is no real benefit of having your partner continue without you.

As tough as it may be, get an extra matress, and finish out your contract with your ex. Either that or both of you hand in your resignation at the same time.


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2011, 11:11:34 am »
(I should also mention that our owner is a very fantastic person.  Very supportive and provides well for all of her staff; caring for people seems second nature to her.  That doesn't sound like it's the norm for hagwon owners based on general online comments, so I wanted to add that in.)

But yeah, my big fear is that you're right.  I feel like if I was a very money-conscious owner I would look for a couple (doesn't seem like much more effort than looking for one person) and replace the set without having to deal with new housing.  The only counter-argument I could think of is the "image" part, where if the only two foreign teachers at a school both abruptly left early into a new year it would give the school a worse image than only one leaving.  I don't feel like I know which pressure wins, but I'm fearing the worst.

If the result is that my ex gets fired too after I resign, would my ex still able to look for a new placement elsewhere?  Or would we both have to fly home before anyone can apply for a new job?  Just trying to think of contingency plans. :-)

If it was in the latter half of the contract I might consider trying to stick it out, but there's over 9 months left and sticking it out wouldn't be good for anyone.  We've talked about that possibility a lot, but it won't work.  The goal now is to figure out what can/will happen when I go to resign and to try and make that as pleasant/bearable for everyone involved (including the school)...


  • andyfoggy
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    • December 07, 2010, 12:11:55 pm
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Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2011, 01:05:13 pm »
Tell them your mother is deathly ill and you have to go home to take care of her.

lol
not very original
but exactly what I would do too :D


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2011, 01:20:27 pm »
Yeah... our boss' mum died last week, so it's not really something that I want to try. :(


  • Yu_Bumsuk
  • The Legend

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    • March 03, 2011, 02:10:36 pm
    • Hicksville, ROK
Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2011, 09:32:50 am »
Yeah... our boss' mum died last week, so it's not really something that I want to try. :(

Then perhaps your dad could suddenly develop cancer?


  • weirdgirlinkorea
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Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2011, 11:19:58 am »
How much of the contract is left? I agree with others, if your partner really wants to stay and you want to make that option possible for her, then I would say stick it out. Get a second mattress or floor pad and suck it up. (I don't mean that in a mean way.) After someone gets hired from a hagwon it is really hard to find work anywhere and other places that will hire will take advantage of the situation and treat someone poorly. I agree that they will probably let her go after you give your resignation in. If you really can't live together and you can come up with key money, get separate apartments for the duration.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2011, 11:26:07 am by weirdgirlinkorea »
Ignoranţa este adesea o boală fatal şi cretin nu poate fi vindecata.


  • alijw
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    • February 22, 2011, 07:39:51 pm
    • Busan
Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2011, 12:54:23 pm »
The best option is not to involve your hagwon until you can find a replacement - like other posters said, someone on a F4/F2 visa is perfect. If you can offer them a solution to the problem, it will probably be fine for your partner.

You said your contract began in March. So if you or both of you leave, you know you have to pay back your airfare,  right?
It could be worth getting somewhere to live and trying to stay.

A friend of mine split up with his fiancee whilst teaching in Korea (after a 6 year relationship) and they lived in the same apartment for about a month to see it out. Both acted very mature, even went to staff dinners etc and were kind to each other.

It just depends how much you want to leave and how much you're willing to let your partner be fired too.


Re: 1/2 of Couple Position is leaving - help!
« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2011, 01:12:48 pm »
Does your girlfriend have any close female friends that are either in Korea or would be willing to come teach in your place? If she's got a friend she's willing to live with, perhaps you could suggest a position swap with that person. I know it's very far-fetched, but I think the housing cost issue is the most important factor that will affect your ex's employment.

If you can reduce the financial impact of your leaving so early into the contract, you may be able to help your ex keep her job.

Also, have you examined the contract penalties for breaking it early? I know in public, we have to pay back our flight and any vacation if we leave before the 6 month mark. Do you have the funds to return your original ticket and pay for a new one home?

I don't care how nice and supportive your boss seems right now, people change when it comes to their own business and money. She's going to make the best decision for herself and her business, and rightly so. It's her livelihood after all! I think you and your ex need to be very clear with each other about the consequences you will both face by doing this.