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  • Liechtenstein
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1717

    • February 15, 2019, 04:39:00 pm
    • NE Hemisphere
Re: ex partners
« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2021, 12:39:50 pm »
There's nothing wrong with that music. But all too often I meet people in their 50s who think the only good music was made when they were 16-24yo.

Funny.............. .

Obviously we all have our preferences and favourite bands, but it's SO small-minded not to delve in to what the ENTIRE music scene has to offer.

Guess what? Tiktok isn't going to introduce you to new music you like. You might not like lists of greatest albums, but if you like Rock, just look at Rolling Stone or NME's year end lists. There will be SOMETHING in there for you, I'll bet 1000$ on it.

I've read some research about the music memory phenomenon somewhere some time ago that said the human brain gets hard-wired to things that it learned on. That's why baby boomers (not an insult) think life was better back then, music was better back then. Children today listening to mostly what I consider to be crap, will be saying the same things boomers say 40 years from now to their kids and grandkids.

Back in 2020, when I was young, music was so much better than the crap you're listening too.

And the kids will here the same things I hear from young kids. You're old. You don't get it.

And the exact same thing will happen 40 years hence, and 40 years later and on and on.......


Re: ex partners
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2021, 12:57:08 pm »
I've read some research about the music memory phenomenon somewhere some time ago that said the human brain gets hard-wired to things that it learned on. That's why baby boomers (not an insult) think life was better back then, music was better back then. Children today listening to mostly what I consider to be crap, will be saying the same things boomers say 40 years from now to their kids and grandkids.

Back in 2020, when I was young, music was so much better than the crap you're listening too.

And the kids will here the same things I hear from young kids. You're old. You don't get it.

And the exact same thing will happen 40 years hence, and 40 years later and on and on.......

Adam Neely discussed the theory that your musical taste peaks at 14. He removed the video because he probably realised that it had nothing to do with musical taste, but rather with emotion.

Listening to music triggers parts of the brain that deal with emotion and is a powerful tool for bringing up implicit memories (memories which have been stored in your subconscious)

If you find yourself swearing that music from your youth is the only music worth listening to then it's likely that it's got nothing to do with the music, but rather the emotions and memories the music is bringing back.
You were younger, life was more carefree, you were in better shape, you went on adventures etc. and listening to nothing but tired, old dad-rock on a regular basis is a sign that you're living in the past.

Incidentally, this segues nicely to the topic of one of the reasons why people insist on socialising with their ex; they can't let go of the past.

https://sites.psu.edu/siowfa16/2016/09/16/why-does-music-trigger-specific-memories/comment-page-1/


  • OnNut81
  • The Legend

    • 2669

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: ex partners
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2021, 12:57:50 pm »
You seem unable to be able to view from a different cultural perspective. Your reasoning is sound, but that doesn't mean it's the only form of reasoning out there.

I can't remember the term, but it refers to words having different meaning in different cultures. Aside from that, different cultures and Religions view the institute of marriage differently.

From my perspective, my wife will be the first and oftentimes only person I'll come to with a problem, issue or concern. If the problem is with my wife, again, she'll be the first and only person I'll discuss it with (except of course a professional).
It's a bitch of a man that complains to his friends/mother/co-workers or whoever about personal problems he is having with his wife.

If you find yourself having thoughts or feelings for an ex, you man up, keep that sh*t to yourself, control your hormones like an adult and take it to your grave.
There are 7 billion people on Earth, why do you need to be friends with an ex? Love? BS, people who do this enjoy feeling desired by others. A guy sitting in a room full of women he slept
with is going to feel like a bit of rockstar because each one of these women was attracted to him. Men who enjoy putting themselves in these positions are insecure. Same is true for women.

You might not be able to control your feelings but you can control your actions. If you must, discuss with your wife the option of taking on your ex as a 2nd wife, at least then you're being honest and honouring them both with legitimacy instead of sneaking back and forth like a rat.

If, say, I discovered my ex was the real-estate agent for the house my wife and I were buying then ok, that's a professional relationship.

So there you go, a different cultural perspective. You might not agree, but the reasoning is sound.

Like you did above with your disclaimers before you shit on relationships based on being white or culturally different, I also respect everyone's cultural viewpoints. Now, let's get to it.

You seem to have these preconceptions for relationships between men and women that are childish and not based on practical world experiences.  It's like something out of a comic book or B movie when the ancient mystic appears to the young man in a peyote fueled vision and tells him the rules for being a man.  You seem to have these defined roles for you and your wife from the outset, instead of an organically and naturally evolving relationship.  It's a bitch of a man that goes to others about problems he's having with his wife?  Sounds like rules that were drawn up by the Macho Man's Club, made up exclusively of dudes that are single.  It can be very healthy, therapeutic and enlightening to discuss concerns with other people that also have experience.  Sometimes, it can lead to understanding something is just a bump in the road and lead to better resolutions. 

As far as maintaining friendships with previous partners, a real man is capable of judging things on a case by case basis.  Much of what we got from a previous partner we get from our new partner and vice versa so the interest in meeting up evaporates.  I used to still meet up with the girl I dated for three years of university.  When she ended up working at the same law firm I was at after we broke up, we used to go out to lunch regularly in a group and had lots of laughs.  The girl I lived with and first came to Korea with I never saw again after our break up.  I still hear about my ex-wife but I cut off direct ties because her friendly phone calls were usually accompanied by a request to "borrow" some money.  You sound as if you ran into your ex and had a coffee you would have to go home and explain that "Wife, I have broken the rules of Man.  I saw old wife today and we caught up.  I have wronged you.  No, you do not need to react as the rules of the Elders specify my punishment.  I will do the dishes for a week and watch Friends every night at nine.  I will also not tell you my sprint times for a period not exceeding seven days.  Sorry, Wife. "

It just sounds like you're a guy with limited experience in long term relationships telling everyone here how they should behave based on your current set up.  For me, your viewpoint lacks authority. But if it works for you and your culture, awesome!


Re: ex partners
« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2021, 01:18:23 pm »
I think it's hilarious that the people who make the biggest deal about their students being all about Kpop and not into other music and being upset when they tell them they don't listen to Kpop, always throw the biggest hissy fits over rock from 30-50 years ago being the greatest thing ever and get butthurt when people tell them they don't listen and they don't care.


  • 745sticky
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1855

    • March 26, 2020, 01:52:57 pm
    • Korea
Re: ex partners
« Reply #24 on: August 20, 2021, 01:20:30 pm »
I think it's hilarious that the people who make the biggest deal about their students being all about Kpop and not into other music and being upset when they tell them they don't listen to Kpop, always throw the biggest hissy fits over rock from 30-50 years ago being the greatest thing ever and get butthurt when people tell them they don't listen and they don't care.

what?

edit: my bad, i missed the previous like 3-4 posts of unrelated posting, anyways music moment over lets get back to the actual topic (not that theres much hope of that now that martino has thrown in his usual snarky quip deliberately placed to rile people up)
« Last Edit: August 20, 2021, 01:22:08 pm by 745sticky »


  • Liechtenstein
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1717

    • February 15, 2019, 04:39:00 pm
    • NE Hemisphere
Re: ex partners
« Reply #25 on: August 20, 2021, 01:26:05 pm »
Adam Neely discussed the theory that your musical taste peaks at 14. He removed the video because he probably realised that it had nothing to do with musical taste, but rather with emotion.

Listening to music triggers parts of the brain that deal with emotion and is a powerful tool for bringing up implicit memories (memories which have been stored in your subconscious)

If you find yourself swearing that music from your youth is the only music worth listening to then it's likely that it's got nothing to do with the music, but rather the emotions and memories the music is bringing back.
You were younger, life was more carefree, you were in better shape, you went on adventures etc. and listening to nothing but tired, old dad-rock on a regular basis is a sign that you're living in the past.

Incidentally, this segues nicely to the topic of one of the reasons why people insist on socialising with their ex; they can't let go of the past.

https://sites.psu.edu/siowfa16/2016/09/16/why-does-music-trigger-specific-memories/comment-page-1/

That's a good point. I do still listen to music I grew up with. I still listen to the Beatles and Led Zep. I also listen to Mozart and Bach which were not in the least prevalent in my household :-)

As I grew I learned to like various genres of music beyond my own personal tastes as a young person. I suppose there is a legitimate argument for people clinging to the past that only listen to what they grew up with. That's not me, although I do prefer what I grew up with compared to much of what is coming out today. But what I grew up with, into the teen years was fairly widespread. From Hank Snow to Frank Zappa. I'm not as closed-minded as some here think. Note my post from a while back where I introduced myself to BlackPink. In fact I have Arirang K-Pop on the stereo right now. Some is bubble gum crap, but some is also pretty boppy.


Re: ex partners
« Reply #26 on: August 20, 2021, 01:28:48 pm »
So, when my ex was assured she really was welcome she came to SE Asia on vacation and stayed with us at the behest of my wife. They have been friends ever since and still talk on Skype.

Not everyone has to hate forever. Or hate at all for that matter. Maybe you do and that's okay.
I don't mean this as an insult and this is only in jest at the situation in general, not you specifically but I have to make a list of possible explanations

1) "I believe the term is...menage a trois?"
2) Evidence for future divorce
3) Female cuck fantasies
4) Finally someone who knows what an idiot he is and I can rant to about his foot odor!
5) Wife is selling Avon and a sale is a sale

I kid I kid with all of these, but ones radar has to go up...who knows it might be good!


  • OnNut81
  • The Legend

    • 2669

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: ex partners
« Reply #27 on: August 20, 2021, 01:29:00 pm »
Yeah, this was just getting interesting before people without warning veered a conversation about exes into which generation of music people like, so that we can have the same comments we've heard a thousand times before about people preferring the music of their youth as they get older.  We got it then and we get it now. 

Any way could we get the guys above who started the completely unrelated foray into music on this thread voluntarily delete the posts?  And now DMart has brought Kpop into the discussion.  Son of a bitch...it's done. 
« Last Edit: August 20, 2021, 01:40:48 pm by OnNut81 »


  • Liechtenstein
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1717

    • February 15, 2019, 04:39:00 pm
    • NE Hemisphere
Re: ex partners
« Reply #28 on: August 20, 2021, 01:31:12 pm »
I don't mean this as an insult and this is only in jest at the situation in general, not you specifically but I have to make a list of possible explanations

1) "I believe the term is...menage a trois?"
2) Evidence for future divorce
3) Female cuck fantasies
4) Finally someone who knows what an idiot he is and I can rant to about his foot odor!
5) Wife is selling Avon and a sale is a sale

I kid I kid with all of these, but ones radar has to go up...who knows it might be good!

#1 would have been fun.


  • 745sticky
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1855

    • March 26, 2020, 01:52:57 pm
    • Korea
Re: ex partners
« Reply #29 on: August 20, 2021, 01:32:37 pm »
sometimes i feel like the lack of interesting conversation on this forum is manufactured. in any case, im apparently off early today, so ill leave yall to have fun with regurgitated music conversation # god knows what


  • Liechtenstein
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1717

    • February 15, 2019, 04:39:00 pm
    • NE Hemisphere
Re: ex partners
« Reply #30 on: August 20, 2021, 01:33:22 pm »
To make a long thread short, it is possible to have a positive relationship with an ex. It doesn't happen often but it is possible.


  • L I
  • Waygook Lord

    • 6979

    • October 03, 2011, 01:50:58 pm
Re: ex partners
« Reply #31 on: August 20, 2021, 01:39:18 pm »
I'm not as closed-minded as some here think. Note my post from a while back where I introduced myself to BlackPink.

Hereís their biggest English hit:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vRXZj0DzXIA

Over half a billion views!

The worldís loviní Kpop!


Re: ex partners
« Reply #32 on: August 20, 2021, 01:44:34 pm »
As far as exes, I think out of respect for whomever you're with and to each other, both of you should leave things in the realm of professional or at most, if there is some sort of friend/community group be cordial then. But if you're still sharing messages and whatever, that's only going to breed suspicion.

I know, I know, everyone thinks it's just being friendly and kind and your SO shouldn't be insecure and bothered about it. Bullsh*t. We all know what often happens- One person starts not trusting the other. One person either slowly falls back into the old relationship or sees the lack of complaint as implicit consent to push boundaries. Yes, ideally we could all be cordial and friendly and there ARE some ex relationships that go that way, but the odds of you being that are vanishingly small.

I will somewhat agree with Aristocrat that I think there is a problem with how marriage is perceived in the West and the issues it creates. In recent times it has become based around "love". I've discussed this earlier, but marriage really isn't about love. It's about family, families coming together, raising children, being there in sickness, and the years of your life 50-80+. The western view of marriage seems to be based in large part around the first quarter, when the entire thing is four quarters. The focus tends to be on the excitement of love, physical attractiveness, "we're soulmates", enjoying the best of times when young and healthy, doing fun stuff couples without kids do, spending money, doing cool stuff with other cool people, etc. etc. It's a really childish and unrealistic view of things and it's no wonder that the rate is so high and that couples really struggle with children and so on.

There does seem to be some pushback among younger people who either A) Just won't get married or B) Actually are taking the whole "raising children and building a home" aspect of it seriously and being a bit more practical.

Finally, a lot of these rules and customs are similar in cultures across the world (and many "Eastern" things were really Eurasian until about the 1960s). They've also persisted over thousands of years. There is probably a good reason for that and it's not just "ignorant religion" or "the patriarchy".

I wouldn't go as far as Aristocrat in drawing as firm a line, but I would lean somewhat in his direction and say that there are good reasons much of the rest of the world (and the western world until recent times) had such practices and views.

While traditional couples have many problems as we all know, the fact is that the rate of "drama" I saw in them back home vs. the "live together for years, have a fling with an ex, etc." and whatnot was far lower. They also tended to be more financially stable, be better at long-term decision making, willing to delay gratification, have better impulse control, and engage in less-risky behavior.

I think it ultimately comes down to this- Do you view your pleasure and happiness as the most important thing in the world? If your answer is yes, you probably get our current model. If the answer is "no", you probably get a more traditional view.


Re: ex partners
« Reply #33 on: August 20, 2021, 01:51:52 pm »
#1 would have been fun.
Well, hopefully. Or...

"Dude! Two chicks at the same time! So how was it? I bet you were like a rock star!"
"Uh, well, actually...I felt more like one of the roadies...getting stuff out of boxes...making sure cables were working...hoping to catch some action after the band finishes..."  :sad:


Re: ex partners
« Reply #34 on: August 20, 2021, 01:53:51 pm »
Yeah, it's very possible to have a good relationship with an ex, but so much of that depends on what note the relationship ended on as well as on what type of people are involved and their motivation for wanting to keep in touch.

For most people that I've known, it's not possible to have a positive existence with an ex, and the only reason why they keep in touch with an ex is normally for the kids if kids are involved. Just too many negative emotions involved.

Plus, there are ulterior motives that can keep a toxic thing going when a clean break would have been healthiest for both individuals. I've known too many people who tried to maintain a friendship with their exes only to have their exes get seriously possessive of them if they start dating someone else or even get mad when their sexual advances get rejected. You can't have a healthy relationship with people who want to keep you around because they still have feelings for or a sense of ownership over you.


  • L I
  • Waygook Lord

    • 6979

    • October 03, 2011, 01:50:58 pm
Re: ex partners
« Reply #35 on: August 20, 2021, 01:54:16 pm »
sometimes i feel like the lack of interesting conversation on this forum is manufactured.

The more uninteresting posts on here, the more interesting readers/posters will leave the forums.

Low quality posts cause high quality posters to leave.

An example of low quality posting would be saying stuff thatís petty and inane which lacks insight.

Best way to be interesting is to say something relevant and useful thatís of universal appeal to the readers.

Talk about ideas. Imagine you are writing something of publishable quality. Like a book with broad reach. Timeless philosophy.


  • OnNut81
  • The Legend

    • 2669

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: ex partners
« Reply #36 on: August 20, 2021, 02:27:51 pm »
The more uninteresting posts on here, the more interesting readers/posters will leave the forums.

Low quality posts cause high quality posters to leave.

An example of low quality posting would be saying stuff thatís petty and inane which lacks insight.

Best way to be interesting is to say something relevant and useful thatís of universal appeal to the readers.

Talk about ideas. Imagine you are writing something of publishable quality. Like a book with broad reach. Timeless philosophy.

You left out the example of a high quality post while criticizing his low quality post which is completely apropos of this site nowadays. 

This site should be renamed dejavu.org.  It's the same posts being post being thrown up by the same posters for the consumption of the same dwindling group of active participants.  I've said it before, and it generally gets dismissed out of hand (which I can live with), but this site needs an overhaul.  Get rid of the Recent Activity forum.  The more interesting slow burn threads that might eventually draw more people in slide off in favour of the bickering threads.  Replace it and the 36 different sub forums no one can be bothered with and just put four or five forums up.  That way someone can avoid nineteen different American politics threads without them blowing all other topics off the page into the nether world where no one goes. 

And can anyone make a case for these post counts and the idiotic titles that go with them?  They bestow a false sense of authority and keep a new poster with only three posts reluctant to jump in.  We need new blood, otherwise it's going to continue to be the same small group of us reposting sh*t we've all seen dozens of times.  Li and Hangook seem convinced they keep reaching a wider audience with their respective Stossel videos and China Job recruitment.  You're just telling the same people the same thing guys.  I, of course, am above all reproach. 
« Last Edit: August 20, 2021, 02:38:29 pm by OnNut81 »


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 7524

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: ex partners
« Reply #37 on: August 20, 2021, 02:35:56 pm »
I, of course, am above all reproach. 

Here, here!


  • tylerthegloob
  • The Legend

    • 2946

    • September 28, 2016, 10:46:24 am
    • Busan
    more
Re: ex partners
« Reply #38 on: August 20, 2021, 02:36:09 pm »
are you telling me i'm not a ****** legend?
more gg more skill


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 7524

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: ex partners
« Reply #39 on: August 20, 2021, 02:39:56 pm »
are you telling me i'm not a ****** legend?
Drake's UnSmarted