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  • dippedinblush
  • Super Waygook

    • 335

    • November 21, 2013, 11:15:05 am
    • Yangpyeong, South Korea
How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« on: May 28, 2020, 09:47:40 pm »
Does anyone's family give you a hard time about your choice to live temporarily or permanently in Korea?

I ask this because my family seems to think/act like my life in Korea is not valid.   I came to Korea the first time and lived in Jeollanamdo for 3 years and then went home, and when I couldn't find a job, I came back to Korea, and have been here since (with aches to go home and aches to stay...but its very hard to stay here permanently if you are not married to a Korean).   

Every time I talk with any member of my family, its like they think my job isn't real/my life isn't real here (i don't know how to explain "real" but...if you have the type of family as I do....you probably moved away from them for a reason...you can probably understand).  They always say..when you come home and start "your real life"....it just makes me feel worthless.  Cause obviously I have a real life and real friends and a real job.

It's really stressful dealing with my family and their attitudes.  I haven't been home in a while and I constantly ask them to visit me...but their response is like "If you lived in Japan or Thailand I would go there", but I don't want to visit Korea, "cause it doesn't interest me."

So it's really hard for me to even talk to them sometimes given their close-minded views about Korea and what my role is here...So i have shut down.

Does anyone have any negativity coming from their families about their choice to move here?  (Hopefully your families are not as negative as mine) and how do you deal with it?
« Last Edit: May 28, 2020, 09:55:59 pm by dippedinblush »


  • KimDuHan
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1328

    • January 15, 2015, 11:48:59 am
    • Seoul
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2020, 05:13:52 am »
tl:dr

Your family should not effect your choice in jobs or where you live.



Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2020, 07:15:55 am »
It's hard when the people you love (and who are supposed to love you) don't always support you. You have expectations and so do they, and they don't always match. If you are happy in Korea, then take it as if they don't understand not that they don't love and support you. If you aren't happy then maybe you need to make a change....you create the happiness for yourself because you cant rely on others to do it for you........I've experienced this slightly with the more conservative side of my family and the opposite from the other side, but both sides still want me home.


  • Colburnnn
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1027

    • August 10, 2015, 05:52:37 pm
    • South Korea
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2020, 07:24:30 am »
Yeah I feel you, especially before I was married. Now, they understand I live here not only for work and money (AKA temporary) but family is here.

And yeah, Korea doesn't do it for them so they don't really want to visit. I prefer this as I don't mind taking trips home to see them and see other friends.

Don't take any notice. The days of staying in the same town all your life are over (Well, before Wuhan)

How often would you see your family if you lived in a city (You're Canadian, right) the other side of Canada? Once a month? 3/4/5/6 times a year?
Haven't you got some pictures of birds to be jacking off to, son?

Colburnnn: Complains a lot, very sassy. Has a loudmouth.


  • 303lmc
  • Veteran

    • 120

    • March 05, 2019, 05:23:12 pm
    • Gwangju
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2020, 07:37:23 am »
Honestly I think they are cool with it because I would be one of the laid off and unemployed folks with a bleak future. The bleak future part is still true though (sigh). I also think my parents worry about me no matter what is happening. it's in the DNA or something.


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5848

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2020, 07:40:31 am »
(You're Canadian, right)

I'm throwing my money in now and saying she's from Chatham.
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


  • juslisen
  • Adventurer

    • 30

    • May 07, 2015, 12:51:55 pm
    • Toronto, Canada
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2020, 07:53:04 am »
I feel like your family's perception of Korea has to do with their background, like if they grew up knowing this was a war torn, underdeveloped country, they may not be aware of how the society and economy has changed here, which would make them feel like you are much better off at home. 

If they love you, they want to be close to you, that's also a reason for their negativity. It could be coming off as a wrong way of them saying they miss you.

Do what makes you happy.  You should never have any regrets choosing something to make others around you feel better over your own happiness.


Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2020, 08:09:10 am »
Thankfully, I have a rather small immediate family, just my mom and my younger brother now, and they both don't care where I go as long as it's not somewhere they consider dangerous. They trust me, and they don't try to guilt me into fitting into their convenience. But I was also kind of purposely raised not to give two shits about anyone who's critical about my life, and this includes extended family, half of which I have no ties with (super messy history that involves my mom, she couldn't wait to get away from them), and some of whom live here In Korea (of the ones who live here, I'm on good terms with a couple of cousins, but that's it). The rest of everyone else live all over the world.

Anyway, I come from a very multicultural family, and it's normal for people in my family to go wherever the wind blows.

So I guess it was definitely easier for me than most.

But I do understand the stress and pressures that family can put on you, and they can be difficult to dismiss sometimes. It's a common expat problem, or so I've heard. The only advice I have to give is to remember that they have no control over your life, so you can keep on keepin' on even when they try to bring you down. That doesn't mean that you should stop valuing their opinions, only that you should prioritize the ones that are actually important, and separate them from the ones that aren't (and especially from the ones that are misdirected and maybe even selfish, depending on their motivations). They probably just want you closer to home, but keep in mind that that's something THEY have to work through. That's not your burden to bear.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2020, 08:20:40 am by Chinguetti »


  • tylerthegloob
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1378

    • September 28, 2016, 10:46:24 am
    • Busan
    more
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2020, 08:10:37 am »
I feel like your family's perception of Korea has to do with their background, like if they grew up knowing this was a war torn, underdeveloped country, they may not be aware of how the society and economy has changed here, which would make them feel like you are much better off at home.

i was talking to my grandma (god rest her soul) on one of my trips back from korea and told her i was dating a korean girl. her response was something like "didn't [our relative] go over there to fight a war with them?" which was just kind of funny at the time, but also highlights your point

my parents really want me home. ever since i studied abroad it's been my mom's biggest fear that i'll settle down here, so she's never been stoked about my plans. that said, they haven't tried to get in my way (i just wish they were a bit more supportive). i feel super comfortable here and i'm not really in a huge rush to go back to the US (to teach). i understand how dippedinblush feels in that it seems like my parents don't view my time here as particularly useful

this is my third year and i think i'm gonna end up telling them about my plans to stay for a fourth soon (so i can figure things out with my girlfriend and hopefully wait out the worst consequences of coronavirus). hopefully that goes well..


  • oglop
  • The Legend

    • 3825

    • August 25, 2011, 07:24:54 pm
    • Seoul
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2020, 09:18:51 am »
my dad is pretty happy i'm here. "better than moving back here, that's for sure. this country is fucked"


  • pkjh
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1824

    • May 02, 2012, 02:59:44 pm
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2020, 09:28:02 am »
I feel like your family's perception of Korea has to do with their background, like if they grew up knowing this was a war torn, underdeveloped country, they may not be aware of how the society and economy has changed here, which would make them feel like you are much better off at home.

i was talking to my grandma (god rest her soul) on one of my trips back from korea and told her i was dating a korean girl. her response was something like "didn't [our relative] go over there to fight a war with them?" which was just kind of funny at the time, but also highlights your point
Not surprising. Even a lot of older Japanese still think South Korea is still like it was in 1955.



  • dippedinblush
  • Super Waygook

    • 335

    • November 21, 2013, 11:15:05 am
    • Yangpyeong, South Korea
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2020, 09:41:52 am »
I'm throwing my money in now and saying she's from Chatham.

Wrong!!!  But you are in the ballpark :D
« Last Edit: May 29, 2020, 09:45:48 am by dippedinblush »


  • dippedinblush
  • Super Waygook

    • 335

    • November 21, 2013, 11:15:05 am
    • Yangpyeong, South Korea
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2020, 09:42:34 am »
tl:dr

Your family should not effect your choice in jobs or where you live.



If you didn't read it, why would you even respond???


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5848

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2020, 09:47:28 am »
Wrong!!!  But you are in the ballpark :D

Leamington. (Are you an Essex girl? All my family is from Essex/Windsor)
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2020, 09:47:46 am »

I ask this because my family seems to think/act like my life in Korea is not valid.   

It's a good idea to keep two things in mind.

First, remember that many people from the previous generation are stuck in a time warp, as many of us will in years to come.
They haven't realized that the modern lifestyle oftentimes requires a more dynamic, flexible and creative approach over the traditional, stick with the same company from your 20s till your retirement. Some simply will not understand, so fighting them or felling guilty is not going to help anyone.

Secondly, you'll know if your family is telling you these things out of concern or spite. In the case of the latter, perhaps you can have a talk with your parents. Tell them that they've taught you how to make decisions and how to decide what's best and you're doing just that. If you can tell they're doing it out of spite (highly doubt a parent would say these things, more like envious uncles, aunts or cousins) then don't associate with them.

Ultimately, it bothers you as much as you let it.   



  • oglop
  • The Legend

    • 3825

    • August 25, 2011, 07:24:54 pm
    • Seoul
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2020, 10:00:04 am »
my dad is pretty happy i'm here. "better than moving back here, that's for sure. this country is fucked"
TIL that "fucked" isn't censored.

****
******
fucky
*********


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5848

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2020, 10:00:41 am »
TIL that "fucked" isn't censored.

****
******
fucky
*********


fucklike
fuckish
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2020, 10:01:46 am »
My family's reaction is similar to Oglop's.  They would love to visit, but it's just too far for a trip.  I used to live in a different European country for 5 years before I came to Korea, and my family used to visit frequently.  My older bro lives in Berlin now and people are always visiting him.  I suppose my point is, it's too far to come here and too expensive to come here.  My dad has been four times and loves it.  That's why I wanna move back to Europe next year when this contract is up.  It's gonna be tough, but you do what you gotta do...

For the OP, dippedinblush, I had two friends way back who lived in my city who had this problem and we talked about it a lot and the kind of stress it gave them.  One friend was from New Brunswick and she had the 'why did you move so far away from us?' 'when are you coming back?' questions all the time from the parents.  It really pulled at her heart strings, as you'd expect.  But my friend stayed here from three years and it really changed her by the time she went home.  She's really happy back at home now, but sees her family as much as she did when she was in Korea.  She did also have the teacher problem of going back to Canada and waiting almost 7 years on the list to get a job.  What a ball ache.  If she'd left to come back to Korea, then she'd go to the bottom of the list.

Then I had a South African friend and her mum laid on the guilt trip the whole time when they spoke.  'You need to come home and take care of me'  'what am I gonna do?'  That caused her all kinds of angst while she was here.  So I feel for you DB because I talked a lot with my friend about this as it was more extreme than the first friend.  Because what can you do?  You want to live your life as you're an adult, but you also love those close to you and you miss them.  But you're your own person.  And I find when you go home, things are different.  People have moved on.  Just like you. 


  • oglop
  • The Legend

    • 3825

    • August 25, 2011, 07:24:54 pm
    • Seoul
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #18 on: May 29, 2020, 10:05:43 am »
fucklike
fuckish
fuckface
fuckers
fuckup


  • stoat
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1395

    • March 05, 2019, 06:36:13 pm
    • seoul
Re: How does your family feel about you being in Korea?
« Reply #19 on: May 29, 2020, 10:11:03 am »
my dad is pretty happy i'm here. "better than moving back here, that's for sure. this country is fucked"

I remember my granddad saying that back in the 80s. Though if he's refering to the after effects of the virus, he's probably right
« Last Edit: May 29, 2020, 10:16:04 am by stoat »