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  • Cohort 2019
  • Expert Waygook

    • 555

    • August 17, 2019, 08:09:23 pm
    • 90S.- 0'E
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Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #20 on: November 21, 2019, 01:30:16 am »
...and then another and yet another ..go while you still enjoy it in Korea, imagine being stuck out there while wishing desperately to be back home ...
incumbo studiis


  • annataleen
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 611

    • May 02, 2014, 01:27:07 pm
    • Incheon
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #21 on: November 21, 2019, 02:54:52 pm »
PiggyDee, I am going through something similar so I want to share my story with you, maybe it will give you something to think about?

For context: I have lived in East Asia for over 11 years; almost 6 in Japan and 5 1/2 here. This is about when I was thinking about leaving Japan to move to Korea.

I really enjoyed my time in Japan, but after a few years I started thinking about leaving. Many of my friends had come and gone. I had started Japan in the JET Programme and after three years years, I moved on to private schools (not eikaiwa, just private schools). After JET and two private schools, I was ready to move on. I had March of 2013 off and I went home. It was the longest I had been home since moving to Japan and I used that time to think about what I wanted to do. I decided that I wanted to try to go to Korea because I wasn't ready to leave Asia and I knew I could probably save a little bit more money there than in Japan. In Japan a person can only get three years of pension back, there isn't severance and most positions don't provide accommodation, so while I understand that it is getting harder to save money working in Korea, for me it is easier than in Japan!

The school year starts in April in Japan and I went back thinking that I would teach the first semester and then break my contract and try to get into EPIK for the summer intake. I didn't really want to break my contract, but since the school year start at different times in both countries, I figured it would be better quitting and leaving during a break than in the middle of winter when Japanese students are still in class. While I was home I got my paperwork in order and when I came back to Japan I started applying.

I got into EPIK, but as summer approached I wasn't getting any other information from my recruiter. If I remember correctly, I knew the city I was supposed to go to, but nothing was being sent to me to go get my visa, and the recruiter wasn't giving me the go-ahead to buy the airline ticket. It got to the point that I had to decline the offer because I wanted to give the school at least one month notice so they could hire a new teacher to start from the second term. My recruiter acted like she didn't know what was going on, but we all know how they can be.  :lipsrsealed:

I decided that I was going to finish out my contract. Luckily, there were some EPIK positions that hired outside of the main winter intake, so I think I lined one of those up near the end of my contract (March 2014). I stayed an extra month in Japan so I could get out of my apartment and say good-bye to my friends. I came to Korea in late April of 2014. From the time I decided I wanted to move here until when I actually did move here was one year and one month.

In the end, things seemed to fall in place where it ended up being much better that I left in the spring than in the summer. My position ended up changing from full-time to part-time, so whomever the school would have hired in the summer had I left, wouldn't have been able to continue on the next year with a full-time contract. (With the declining population, many positions were changing from full-time to part-time. This is happening to Japanese teachers as well.) At that job if I didn't have class, I didn't have to come in. I usually didn't have to come in much in March, so for a minute I looked into breaking my contract a month early and coming to Korea. But it turns out if you do that, EPIK wants a letter the school's principal saying it is ok the teacher is breaking their contract. The recruiter I used in the summer didn't tell me that! There is no way I would have gotten that letter in the summer! I am not even sure I would have gotten it leaving a month early.

Looking back, I am glad I had a full year to prepare to leave Japan. I wish that would have been my original in the first place. It would have saved me a lot of time and anxiety. Plus, I had a blast during my last year in Japan! Honestly, the only bad part of that year was going back and forth about when I should leave Korea.  :P

Now I am in the same position as you because I am starting to think it is time to go. Some of my reasons are similar to yours as well.  :smiley: As my contract starts in late April, I have some more time to think about it than you. I know for sure that I will do one more contract; what I need to decide is if it will be my last contract. I definitely want a full-year to prepare before I go.

I understand some of your concerns. I would like to meet someone too! But then I think, in 11 years over here, I have had friends of all shapes and sizes from all over the world meet their partner. I believe that it that will happen for you no matter where you are in the world. But you said there is a long distance thing with someone. In that case, if you stay another year you should assure them it is the last year so they don't run away!

I don't necessarily think that you need to have a job lined up when you go back, and honestly, most employers probably won't contact you until you are back. I had a friend who was leaving Japan at the same time as I did to go back to the US. He applied to many places and never heard anything back. It wasn't until he went to the US for a couple of weeks during the winter (just a couple of months before he was to leave Japan!), and visited friends and family in different cities (he was checking out different cities to see where he wanted to live), that anyone contacted him. He put on his cover letters (or maybe emails?) "I will be in this city during these days if you are interested in an interview ... " It worked. I do think you should think about what kind of money you want to leave Korea with. What will your start-up costs be. I would plan on being unemployed for at least three to six months. I hope that doesn't happen for you! But at least plan for that just in case. If that really worries you, you could also do some online teaching through VIP Kid or something. I am going to consider that when I go!

Also think about what do you want to do before you go? Do you have a bucket list? If you believe you have enough money and don't have a bucket list, then maybe it is time for you to go. From your post, it seems like you do want to stay. So maybe you should give it one more year and have it be your last year.

Please let us know what you decide.

I know this is too long and I am sorry for anyone trying to read this, but there is one last thing I want to tell you. From 11 years in Asia and all of the friends I had come and go from Japan and Korea, a small few went through tough times after returning home (couldn't find a job, missed Japan or Korea, etc.) but everyone eventually found their way and everyone is fine now. You will be too.

Good luck!


  • L I
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5335

    • October 03, 2011, 01:50:58 pm
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #22 on: November 21, 2019, 03:57:23 pm »


  • Liechtenstein
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1184

    • February 15, 2019, 04:39:00 pm
    • NE Hemisphere
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2019, 04:57:47 pm »
Go


  • Piggydee
  • The Legend

    • 2716

    • October 15, 2013, 07:32:43 am
    • South Korea
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #24 on: November 22, 2019, 07:47:11 am »
Thanks annataleen for your reply.  Actually I do have an arrangement set up on the internet that is similar to what you just stated  it's just making materials really sort of like being editor. Right now I have enough to take you out to dinner.  Wither it would be enough to pay rent is yet to be seen because I'm new.  I don't know though, that's why another year here I feel might do me some good but I'm getting pressure from the SO that I should leave now.
« Last Edit: November 22, 2019, 07:57:30 am by Piggydee »


  • AWVM_HXE
  • Adventurer

    • 60

    • June 15, 2016, 06:07:37 pm
    • Asia-Pacific Region
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #25 on: November 22, 2019, 10:28:04 am »
The best advice anyone could give you now is get in shape. Reading between the lines you're thinking about a long term relationship and this would massively open up the dating field. Not being sexist or cruel, i'd say the same to an overweight guy in the same situation. If you still don't think you'll find a decent partner here, move somewhere with more possibilities. This sounds like the most pressing issue in your life at the moment so act to sort it out.

You are either trolling, the rudest person alive, or some combination of both.

The OP does not need you to assess and comment on their fuckability

You are gross.


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 6321

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #26 on: November 22, 2019, 10:33:03 am »
You are either trolling, the rudest person alive, or some combination of both.

The OP does not need you to assess and comment on their fuckability

You are gross.

To be fair, Piggydee did say this.

  Let's just say I've eaten my way out of the dating pool.

Calm down. Thinner people are more desirable. That's a simple fact and 99.999% of the population can lose weight if they try.
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


  • AWVM_HXE
  • Adventurer

    • 60

    • June 15, 2016, 06:07:37 pm
    • Asia-Pacific Region
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #27 on: November 22, 2019, 10:41:02 am »
You are either trolling, the rudest person alive, or some combination of both.

The OP does not need you to assess and comment on their fuckability

You are gross.

To be fair, Piggydee did say this.

  Let's just say I've eaten my way out of the dating pool.

Calm down. Thinner people are more desirable. That's a simple fact and 99.999% of the population can lose weight if they try.

You're bad at science! Wow, so bad at science. And anthropology. And also neither of you know what the OP actually looks like.

Also, gross? Stop? Please? God, every time I'm on this website, I kiss whatever soil I'm on that I'm not in Korea with the expats there.


  • AWVM_HXE
  • Adventurer

    • 60

    • June 15, 2016, 06:07:37 pm
    • Asia-Pacific Region
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #28 on: November 22, 2019, 10:45:09 am »
Btw I used to work in recruitment and we absolutely look at the things people post on here and similar sites. A lot of you, this person included, are sloppy and identify yourselves, which is bloody idiotic.

All other people are people. Try to pretend you value other humans. Stop being hideous, sexist, sizeist, racist subhumans.


  • annataleen
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 611

    • May 02, 2014, 01:27:07 pm
    • Incheon
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #29 on: November 22, 2019, 10:47:01 am »
Thanks annataleen for your reply.  Actually I do have an arrangement set up on the internet that is similar to what you just stated  it's just making materials really sort of like being editor. Right now I have enough to take you out to dinner.  Wither it would be enough to pay rent is yet to be seen because I'm new.  I don't know though, that's why another year here I feel might do me some good but I'm getting pressure from the SO that I should leave now.
I can understand that. Honestly, the person I know that went through the hardest time after she left (Japan) was because of a SO. BUT, I think hers was a special case. The relationship was kind of new. She was a German JET and worked at the city hall in her town. He is from Singapore and came to her town to do an art residency for 3 months in the fall of 2010. Before he came to Japan, he had gotten another residency in Berlin for a year starting that following June (2011). Since she worked with the city, she met all the artists and he was interested in getting to know her so he could ask about Germany. But they fell for each other and dated the last six weeks of his residency. Then she faced a tough decision; stay or leave. In JET, we have to decide in February if we want to stay. The new contract generally starts in late July or early August. JET is temporary and staying another year would have been her last year anyway. She always thought she would move to Tokyo (we lived close to Tokyo) after JET though.

She decided not to renew and go to Berlin. Any doubts about that stopped in the spring of 2011 after the earthquake. Our prefecture borders Fukushima and she freaked out a bit (I don't fault her, a LOT of people did). She went to Singapore for 6 weeks at that time because he was there and he offered to let her stay there. What a way to meet the parents!  So she eventually came back to Japan for her final months, and he went to Berlin in June. She joined him in August. It was fine, but I know she was depressed for a while because it was hard to find a good job and, while she didn't doubt being with him, I am sure she wondered if going to Berlin at that time and was the right idea. Plus, she had to help him navigate Germany, all while adjusting to it herself after 4 years in Japan.

But this was all years ago. They are married with a little girl now and are still in Berlin.  ;D

I had another friend in Japan that stayed in Japan for maybe 3 years. She met a guy in her home country and they dated before she left (he was actually from Japan  :P) and I think he got tired of waiting for her, so he broke up with her during her second year I think. But when she went back home they got back together and they are now married with a little boy.

Oooh, and then I had another friend in Japan that was friends with someone for years, I think they were even roommates at some point (like a few people living together), they eventually started dating, but she really wanted to go to Japan and he couldn't at that time (maybe he was studying or not interested?? I can't remember), so they broke up and she left. I think they didn't even stay in touch much. But after a year, she visited home and they talked and got back together. After another year of long distance, he eventually moved to Japan and they were there for 3 years. They are also now married with a young boy.

So I am of the mind that if you are meant to be together, it will happen. I agree that one shouldn't make the other wait too long though.

Also, can you tell me more about your remote editor position? I recently completed a degree in Mass Comm and I found I really enjoyed editing my papers during my program. I want to do something like that when I am done in Korea. I want to keep up the skill. I know I should blog or something too, but I just haven't found the time yet. You can write here or PM me. I would really appreciate it. Thanks!


  • annataleen
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 611

    • May 02, 2014, 01:27:07 pm
    • Incheon
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #30 on: November 22, 2019, 10:55:32 am »
Thank you AXVM_HXE. I agree that PiggyDee didn't ask about her weight, she just mentioned that it may be a reason why it is hard to find a date.

But perhaps that is moot because she also mentioned someone at home.  :P

I am also to ask that we don't derail PiggyDee's thread further.

Thank you!


  • AWVM_HXE
  • Adventurer

    • 60

    • June 15, 2016, 06:07:37 pm
    • Asia-Pacific Region
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #31 on: November 22, 2019, 10:56:37 am »
I'm not sure why Piggydee needs you to speak for them, but...uh...enjoy?


  • annataleen
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 611

    • May 02, 2014, 01:27:07 pm
    • Incheon
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #32 on: November 22, 2019, 11:03:09 am »
I'm not sure why Piggydee needs you to speak for them, but...uh...enjoy?

She doesn't, but it's my duty as a moderator to keep threads on track.  :P Which is something I haven't been good at lately.  :blank:

That being said, I do like it when people stick up for others.


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 6321

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #33 on: November 22, 2019, 11:05:18 am »
Stop being hideous, sexist, sizeist, racist subhumans.

Never was. Never will be. But thanks.
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 6321

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #34 on: November 22, 2019, 11:23:51 am »
I'm not sure why Piggydee needs you to speak for them, but...uh...enjoy?

So you can and they can't?
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


  • stoat
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1766

    • March 05, 2019, 06:36:13 pm
    • seoul
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #35 on: November 22, 2019, 11:43:32 am »
It takes a special kind of 21st century foolishness to believe that politely suggesting to an overweight person looking for a SO that they should get in shape isn't sound advice.


  • Colburnnn
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1183

    • August 10, 2015, 05:52:37 pm
    • South Korea
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #36 on: November 22, 2019, 12:09:17 pm »
Btw I used to work in recruitment and we absolutely look at the things people post on here and similar sites. A lot of you, this person included, are sloppy and identify yourselves, which is bloody idiotic.

All other people are people. Try to pretend you value other humans. Stop being hideous, sexist, sizeist, racist subhumans.

You doxxed people? But then REEE when people call someone fat? If you are fat, you're fat. No harm is calling fat, fat. 'Sizism' isnt a thing and calling a fattie a fatite online shouldn't impact your suitability for an unrelated role.

Anyway, OP. Go home and see how it goes with your other half. Korea isn't going anywhere.
Haven't you got some pictures of birds to be jacking off to, son?

Colburnnn: Complains a lot, very sassy. Has a loudmouth.


  • Piggydee
  • The Legend

    • 2716

    • October 15, 2013, 07:32:43 am
    • South Korea
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #37 on: November 22, 2019, 12:22:11 pm »
I guess my rules for my fat is I'm okay if you agree that I'm fat when I say I'm fat.  But if you are randomly calling me fat when my fat was never a thing of discussion, then that's when problems will arise.  I mean we could all be healthier.  So I agree with those that have encouraged me to lose weight.  I know I need to do this.  And thank you for those who are defending me.  We as a society to learn that beauty can come in all shapes, size, colors, and ages.   And living here in Korea, when you have a guy that tells you "Why is your hip so big?" really discourages you and doesn't make you feel good.  Before I met my SO, most messages on dating apps were Hi you are cute but too fat, please lose your weight and you can message me again.   :sad: >:(


  • CO2
  • Waygook Lord

    • 6321

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Uiwang
Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #38 on: November 22, 2019, 12:47:21 pm »
But if you are randomly calling me fat when my fat was never a thing of discussion, then that's when problems will arise.

Absolutely agree. My friend is a really big guy and Koreans will just come up and say hi to us and they'll look at him and say, "와, 큰사이즈." It's, like, yeah, no shit. 

Quote
Before I met my SO, most messages on dating apps were Hi you are cute but too fat, please lose your weight and you can message me again.   :sad: >:(

Wow. Sometimes it's better to move onto the next person in the queue. Do they expect you to do it and then they'll check up on you 3 months later? Jesus.

And yeah, I don't know what AXE HAVE's problem is. YOU brought it up. No one was ragging on you, either. Just a simple, yeah, lose that weight and it'll be a good idea.

The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


Re: Should I stay or should I go?
« Reply #39 on: November 22, 2019, 11:21:25 pm »
I am glad I left this year. If I had stayed, I would have been frustrated and started feeling like a lifer with little more than the piddly 50,000 won per month raise each year. Now my love and I are here in my home country, I have a Director position, a nice place, and a nice car. Adaptation was not that difficult, because I had this job lined up in advance, and I was forced right into working and readying my home. There was no time to think about the differences in lifestyles.

Have something lined up first, unless you have a nice financial cushion to keep you settled while you look for employment. In my case, I interviewed through Skype with a few places over a year from Korea and finally landed a good job. They were flexible with my arrival date as well.