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  • hilsoo
  • Newgookin

    • 3

    • December 08, 2015, 08:01:13 am
    • south korea
Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« on: October 22, 2019, 09:56:39 am »
Hi guys, I tried searching for forums about this topic and couldn't find any. Was hoping to hear other people's experience about this topic. (this could sound like me venting, but either way any help or critique would benefit me)

I know there are a lot of forums about marrying a Korean girl as a westerner and the life choices that comes with it. Me and my girlfriend/fiance are planning to get married next year, but her parents are against it for legitimate concerns about me and my future (job stability/security and job location). Her parents doesn't like the fact any job that I (or any foreigner) get would be contract based. (her parents stance on this lightened up after I started working at an international/foreign school, I have an E7 visa)

The benefits of my fiance's job (middle/high school public school teacher) is that she will never lose her job (unless she does something to get herself on the news) and all the benefits of being a government worker. Because of her job, I am restricted to a city/province (not in Seoul). We will probably never go to America, because she would have to give up her career. (I gave mine up) My fiance isn't worried about my career and neither am I, but if I were her parents I would have the same questions about job security/stability. To sum it all up, at least for the foreseeable future, my life choices are restricted to a specific area and my life choices has to revolve around my fiance. (which I am all okay with)  So what's the beef? you might ask.

I was just looking for discussions/stories/forums of being married to a government worker (preferably male foreigner marrying a Korean girl). I guess a similar situation might be, marrying a Korean girl with her career being the priority. For example, maybe getting married to a Korean doctor or lawyer or other careers, where the girl can't give up her career. (not necessarily of one partner making more than the other, but a career a partner wouldn't give up easily)

To answer specific questions: How are your in-laws treating you? (if you live in the same city) How did your in-laws treat you? What are you doing for work? What's it like being away from home and knowing you will be in Korea for the long haul? There's a billion questions I could ask, I just want to hear your experiences/advice/criticism/suggestions etc.

Anybody can contribute and I am not specifically looking for people that are in a similar situation as I am, although that would help.
I hope I didn't offend anyone, not trying to. If I did, please let me know. Thanks for your responses. Cheers.

I'm 31 and she's 29 (international age). We dated for a little over 2 years and next year would make it 3 years, which is when we are planning to get married. (if this info helps paint a better picture of my situation)


  • Liechtenstein
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1022

    • February 15, 2019, 04:39:00 pm
    • NE Hemisphere
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2019, 10:08:32 am »
Don't do it. Stay single.


Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2019, 10:19:39 am »
First off congratulations on your upcoming marriage.  :smiley:

So far this seems the common reaction amongst most Korean parents when their child will marry someone else.  Don't worry, it happens in all-Korean marriages too.  The parents will worry about the person their child will marry, which seems to make sense.  I've known parents being against a marriage because they thought the guy was too old for their daughter (only 5 years difference, and both public school teachers). But if they've softened their stance already then that's good.   

The way to think about it, after your marriage, you can change to the F6 visa which would open you up to another world of opportunity if you're willing to work at it and the financial rewards are there.  If you meet aunties and uncles you'll probably be grilled about your salary, which is par the course.  Tell them how it is, then it's done.

I think pre and post-marriage treatment from the in-laws depends on how close you live to them.  If you're miles away then you'll probably only see them a minimum once or twice a year.  Once the wedding is done, their job is done.  Then you can get on with your life.  When you meet them, be smiley, kind and nice, remembering your Korean familial etiquette and you'll be grand. 

As for the future, who knows?  As your wife has a career, she's sorted.  Your reaction to living in Korea forever? Is different for all people.  Like I said, who knows what the future holds.  You could move abroad and she could get a job in a Korean school abroad.   Who knows? 


  • Kyndo
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 1331

    • March 03, 2011, 09:45:24 am
    • Gyeongsangbuk-do
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2019, 10:41:27 am »
    Like Scrambled Eggs says, getting married to a Korean means that you'll suddenly have far more job possibilities and opportunities. F-visas are awesome, and can help mitigate the issue of being tied to a certain province. If you plan on staying long term in Korea, you might want to start looking at how to transition away from teaching at a public school (which doesn't provide a lot of long term stability), and look into more permanent ESL positions. Heck, there are a lot of threads floating around about people's experiences opening up study rooms, or even their own hagwons...
   In any case, it might be a good idea to start figuring out your options so that if, in a few years, all the EPIK jobs in your area evaporate, you wont be left jobless, hopeless, and fighting old men for scraps of cardboard to eke out those extra few 1000 won spending cash you'll need for the soju to stave of the indignity of your utter unemployability.... ..  :smiley:


Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2019, 10:41:46 am »
Most Koreans get fired from their "lifetime" jobs when they are in their mid-40's and they are forced to drive a taxi or run a fried chicken franchise until they are too old to work.
Quote
Quote from: Mr.DeMartino on Yesterday at 01:40:32
    Trump is a liar and a con man.
Quote
Quote from Mr.DeMartino on June 14, 2019 at 02:28:07
Donald Trump is a lying sack of shit


  • theman3285
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1019

    • June 16, 2017, 09:01:06 am
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2019, 10:44:26 am »
Her parents sound typically xenophobic. As you noted, job security isn't a concern for her, so they'll never have to worry about her financially.

Story time: My Korean girlfriend and I were dating for a couple of years. All the while she kept me secret, especially from her ultra conservative dad. We ran into her mom on the street a couple of times, and she seemed relatively chilled with the fact that her daughter had a foreign friend to help her with her English (lol). Dad was completely oblivious. Until she got pregnant, that is. First she told her mom, who threatened to come to my school and punch me in the face (no joke). Then, after psyching herself up for a week or two, she told her dad. He pretty much lost his shit for a day or two, but (by the grace of Jehova) came around eventually. Fast forward a year and everyone's okay, including our 4 month old daughter who brings nothing but joy to all of our lives (especially granddad, he can't get enough of her).

I'm not telling you to knock her up - that would be terrible advice. So take from it what you will.

We're acquainted with a few international couples in our town (the wives all hang out), one of whom is an EPIK teacher (male) married to a Korean public school teacher. He's been here for something like twelve years and has never been out of work. They have two kids and are doing fine. 


  • lhelena
  • Veteran

    • 176

    • March 11, 2018, 01:57:14 pm
    • Anseong
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2019, 10:47:43 am »
I would say as far as work, your life will be a lot easier once you get the F6 visa. You can do any job you want (as long as you're qualified enough to be hired) and even run private tutoring lessons which opens you up to a lot of extra income. As far as the family goes, that all takes time and how you present yourself to them. I'm meeting some of my husbands extended family for the first time this weekend. I'm super nervous, but if they like me they like me, if they don't they don't. They're extended family so we'll only see them at holidays anyway, but it will be nice to have more family here.

In my case, we know we will be moving back to the US in at least a year, so I don't have the same issue of his parents worrying about our salaries or careers. We've talked with them about why I want to go back when we are (I need to start grad school so I can work towards becoming a professor) and they know my husband is excited to make an amount of money that actually reflects his skills as a mechanic. It's really sad how little a mechanic makes in Korea tbh. Plus he will have the opportunity to get further education/certifications from some technical school he's looked at in the US. But I will also say my in-laws are extremely open minded people and are just happy to see us happy. They know we have a plan and will see it through together.


  • thunderlips
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1988

    • June 07, 2012, 10:01:55 am
    • South Korea
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2019, 10:50:14 am »
Yeah as others said you’ll have more opportunities but an international school is a great job for here. Think long and hard if you want to be stuck here until your wife retires though... seriously. We are hoping to move back to the states next year. A big factor is quality of life here; pollution, xenophobia, disregard for safety/driving. But there are some pros about living here too.


  • oglop
  • The Legend

    • 4266

    • August 25, 2011, 07:24:54 pm
    • Seoul
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2019, 11:04:55 am »
Most Koreans get fired from their "lifetime" jobs when they are in their mid-40's and they are forced to drive a taxi or run a fried chicken franchise until they are too old to work.
not puublic school teachers though


Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2019, 11:12:14 am »
Stuck here for life?  Are you sure you are ready for that!?  She must be smoking hot.  Her parents are pissed because public school teachers are some of the highest on the desirability scale for successful Korean men.  Think doctor or dentist, someone making 10M a month at least.  But she is settling with an English teacher with no guaranteed stability.  A job that you will get replaced by a 23yr old blonde with no experience just because you passed 35 years of age and are now scary to the children. Do you speak Korean well?  That will help things tremendously.  Anyways I would never want to be trapped in this country passed the age of 40.  It's great while young but couldn't imagine dealing with the organized chaos and pollution at an older age.  Good luck to you lad.


  • JNM
  • The Legend

    • 4552

    • January 19, 2015, 10:16:48 am
    • Seoul, South Korea
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2019, 01:00:14 pm »
What’s her post-child career plan?
That job-for-life only works if she wants it to.


  • SPQR
  • Super Waygook

    • 479

    • March 08, 2018, 07:04:54 pm
    • Canada
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2019, 02:35:59 pm »
I've had two Korean wives. So, here is some straight up shit:

1/  They make much better girlfriends than wives.

2/ About the most you can hope for these days is an F-6.
They upped the permanent resident visa to Topik Level 3.
So, unless you some kind of linguist, forget it.

3/  Koreans in general are avoiding marriage and kids.
Foreigners seem to be totally oblivious to the reasons
for this.  Maybe you should give it some serious thought.

4/  Because you can only get an F-6, your wife will always
have a nice power of divorcing you and terminating your
visa status. Nice

5/ On the brighter side, you can probably double or
triple your income without E-2 handcuffs.

6/  On the darker side, many Korean wives expect you
to give all your earnings to them.

Anyway, good luck.


  • leaponover
  • Expert Waygook

    • 707

    • March 05, 2012, 12:08:16 pm
    • Iksan, S. Korea
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2019, 02:37:02 pm »
Can't help reading this and thinking the things you are worried about should be the least of your worries.

Living with a Korean woman should be your #1 worry!

Forget in-laws, jobs, being in Korea for the rest of your life.  You are going to be living with a Korean woman.  That challenge will blow the rest of these away.  You should look into jumal bubu.  Might make everyone happy....


  • leaponover
  • Expert Waygook

    • 707

    • March 05, 2012, 12:08:16 pm
    • Iksan, S. Korea
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2019, 02:39:07 pm »
I've had two Korean wives. So, here is some straight up shit:

1/  They make much better girlfriends than wives.

2/ About the most you can hope for these days is an F-6.
They upped the permanent resident visa to Topik Level 3.
So, unless you some kind of linguist, forget it.

3/  Koreans in general are avoiding marriage and kids.
Foreigners seem to be totally oblivious to the reasons
for this.  Maybe you should give it some serious thought.

4/  Because you can only get an F-6, your wife will always
have a nice power of divorcing you and terminating your
visa status. Nice

5/ On the brighter side, you can probably double or
triple your income without E-2 handcuffs.

6/  On the darker side, many Korean wives expect you
to give all your earnings to them.

Anyway, good luck.

+1 to this


Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2019, 02:42:58 pm »
4/  Because you can only get an F-6, your wife will always
have a nice power of divorcing you and terminating your
visa status. Nice

What the eff you talking about?  That is not true.  Your visa runs out, but your soon to be ex-wife would have no say over your visa being terminated unless it was for something terrible.   


  • SPQR
  • Super Waygook

    • 479

    • March 08, 2018, 07:04:54 pm
    • Canada
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2019, 02:48:10 pm »
4/  Because you can only get an F-6, your wife will always
have a nice power of divorcing you and terminating your
visa status. Nice

What the eff you talking about?  That is not true.  Your visa runs out, but your soon to be ex-wife would have no say over your visa being terminated unless it was for something terrible.   

F-6 must be renewed every three years.


Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2019, 02:51:07 pm »
I just got married to a Korean lady after 3 years of dating. I have repeatedly told her and her family that I want to leave Korea after 2 years.  I have told them this on several occasions. There is no way that I would marry someone here in Korea without having the option on the table to leave. I can tolerate Korea alright and I've been here for 5 years but there is no way in hell I'd want to raise a family with this pollution, the bali bali life style, and the insane housing costs. I also know of people who have tried to make a life here and one guy had the government come and take his house because they wanted to develop the property. Even my wife's family are currently fighting with the government trying to make a grab at their property.

Usually, when my in-laws make a positive point about Korea I will make a mental note and come back at them with something negative. I have to be extremely careful at how and when I say my complaints, but I try to make this a selling point. If they were to mention how much a Korean man would make I would probably say something like " Yeah, they would probably need to make that much to pay for housing. It is much more expensive to live here than where I am from. Where I am from we could have a huge house and yard for 1/4 the price of an apartment in Seoul " .  I will gladly let these other guys kill themselves so that they can pay a billion won for a shoebox and breathe polluted air half the year. I try to change the frame of the conversation. I mention to my father in law about how it can open up new opportunities for his business etc. As others have pointed out there is a good reason why many Koreans aren't having kids. I usually point to the in-laws these common problems that people go through and frame things as a way that their daughter and I can escape some of those hurdles if we need to.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2019, 02:56:28 pm by SuperDoodle23 »


  • Savant
  • The Legend

    • 2397

    • April 07, 2012, 11:35:31 pm
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #17 on: October 22, 2019, 02:52:29 pm »
4/  Because you can only get an F-6, your wife will always
have a nice power of divorcing you and terminating your
visa status. Nice

What the eff you talking about?  That is not true.  Your visa runs out, but your soon to be ex-wife would have no say over your visa being terminated unless it was for something terrible.   

F-6 must be renewed every three years.

Wrong.


  • hilsoo
  • Newgookin

    • 3

    • December 08, 2015, 08:01:13 am
    • south korea
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2019, 02:57:40 pm »
What’s her post-child career plan?
That job-for-life only works if she wants it to.

True she works for as long as she want to. She said she has to hit an x number of years to receive the full government employment pension.
Her post child career is to work as a teacher/principal until she retires.
I can't remember the details, but we did talk about it. Korean teachers get 2 - 3 years of maternity leave at 60 percent of her salary. Korean English teacher (which she is)  can study abroad for 2 years at 50 % her salary. (those numbers are off the top of my head, but something like that) She plans on using whatever the school will give her. I guess the thing is for me is that I have to play second fiddle to whatever decisions she makes. Was wondering if anybody went through or will go through what I might go through.


  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2917

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: Marrying a Korean Public School teacher?
« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2019, 03:02:04 pm »
I've had two Korean wives. So, here is some straight up shit:

1/  They make much better girlfriends than wives.

This could be just as true for women in general.

Quote
2/ About the most you can hope for these days is an F-6.
They upped the permanent resident visa to Topik Level 3.
So, unless you some kind of linguist, forget it.

Topik 3 is hard. But you dont need to be a linguist. You need a concerted effort. Which is required to learn Korean regardless. And if he's staying here long term he really should aim for a decent language ability.

Quote
3/  Koreans in general are avoiding marriage and kids.
Foreigners seem to be totally oblivious to the reasons
for this.  Maybe you should give it some serious thought.
For all the talk of gender inequality, maternity leave etc, the gist of it is Koreans suddenly understand that the social pressure to get married and have kids is easing off, for the first time ever. And so they are taking advantage of that. As with most things here, it's taken to the enth degree. So now NO ONE wants kids. Marriage and parenthood conditions arent that much worse then most other countries.


Quote
4/  Because you can only get an F-6, your wife will always
have a nice power of divorcing you and terminating your
visa status. Nice

Is that true? I thought they had brought in protections for this as SE Asian women were being treated poorly by their husbands who held the visa over their heads forcing them to stay in abusive marriages.



Quote
6/  On the darker side, many Korean wives expect you
to give all your earnings to them.

This is one I've heard from Korean men a lot. Who the Fark would agree to this? You know what I would say to my wife if she asked me to hand over my paycheck? "No." I'd expect the same if I asked her for the same.

A lot of, by the sounds of it, ball less guys get married to dragon women here. Marriage is marriage. The same rules apply weather it's here, back home, or where ever else: don't marry psychos. 



Kpip! - Martin 2018