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  • JVPrice
  • Expert Waygook

    • 790

    • August 29, 2017, 10:26:13 am
    • Cheongju
Communication Between Genders
« on: May 21, 2019, 07:19:16 am »
Why is it that some girls just can't say "No." to a guy when they ask them to go to lunch or on a date?

I get it, some guys are either real desperate or can't take no for an answer. But there are some guys (read: me) who just don't get the clue that when you constantly say you're busy, you really mean that you don't want to. If I look like an idiot who isn't getting the clue, wouldn't it make more sense to just outright say it than to lead the fool on for weeks, or even months on end? At that point, you just start to be an awful person when you know how that person feels for you.

I'd be totally fine with being rejected if like 90% of these people would just say "No." instead of playing this infuriating game. It hurts more to be led on and have your time wasted.

Like I said, I know some guys don't like taking "No." for an answer, but at least afford some courtesy if hey really don't seem to have bad intentions. Here's to another 7 weeks wasted.
The World Ends With You


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2019, 07:26:34 am »
But there are some guys (read: me) who just don't get the clue that when you constantly say you're busy, you really mean that you don't want to. If I look like an idiot who isn't getting the clue, wouldn't it make more sense to just outright say it than to lead the fool on for weeks, or even months on end? At that point, you just start to be an awful person when you know how that person feels for you.

here's a pro tip, just assume it's a no if she's constantly busy


  • JVPrice
  • Expert Waygook

    • 790

    • August 29, 2017, 10:26:13 am
    • Cheongju
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2019, 07:36:21 am »
But there are some guys (read: me) who just don't get the clue that when you constantly say you're busy, you really mean that you don't want to. If I look like an idiot who isn't getting the clue, wouldn't it make more sense to just outright say it than to lead the fool on for weeks, or even months on end? At that point, you just start to be an awful person when you know how that person feels for you.

here's a pro tip, just assume it's a no if she's constantly busy

Or just reciprocate honesty and respect by giving a straight answer.
The World Ends With You


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2019, 07:46:10 am »
I'm with tylerthgloob on this. Maybe allow for the possibility they might really be busy the first time, but the second time assume it's a brush off. Have you never been in the same situation? Would you tell a girl you don't want to go to lunch with them straight out? I think most guys wouldn't as well.


  • elsbethm
  • Veteran

    • 134

    • September 29, 2016, 09:26:54 pm
    • gangwondo
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2019, 07:54:52 am »
Because women literally  get attacked/stalked/murdered for telling men no.
Or have to put up with a bunch of (verbal) abuse and insults for saying no.
Or have the guy just ignore the no.
Or have the guy decide that no actually means "convince me."
It's easier and safer to gently brush the guy off until he just gives up/loses interest.


  • bb459
  • Veteran

    • 122

    • March 02, 2019, 06:19:42 pm
    • South Korea
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2019, 07:55:10 am »
because guys don't accept "no"
guys feel entitled to women's bodies, attention, phone numbers, names, etc.

often times when a woman is straight up and honest, a guy flips off the handle.
there's all types of violence, stalking, insults & name calling, shaming, guilt tripping, etc.

imagine saying "no" to someone like most of the dudes on these posts  who literally thinks they know EVERYTHING
about EVERY subject in the world...the toxic masculinity and male fragility is going to soar through
the roof with defensiveness and attacks on the woman.
she MUST be saying "no" because there's either something wrong with her. or because she already
has a man. not just because she simply might not be interested.

your male privilege in a patriarchal world gets to ask and not understand why women make the choices
they make.
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
 Women are afraid men will kill them."
« Last Edit: May 21, 2019, 07:56:49 am by bb459 »


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2019, 07:58:40 am »
But there are some guys (read: me) who just don't get the clue that when you constantly say you're busy, you really mean that you don't want to. If I look like an idiot who isn't getting the clue, wouldn't it make more sense to just outright say it than to lead the fool on for weeks, or even months on end? At that point, you just start to be an awful person when you know how that person feels for you.

here's a pro tip, just assume it's a no if she's constantly busy

Or just reciprocate honesty and respect by giving a straight answer.

sure, in an ideal world, that would be great. but you can't force other people to "reciprocate honesty and respect" so you might as well save yourself (and her) some time and effort and just assume it's a no (and move on) if she's constantly busy.


  • JVPrice
  • Expert Waygook

    • 790

    • August 29, 2017, 10:26:13 am
    • Cheongju
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2019, 08:04:00 am »
I'm with tylerthgloob on this. Maybe allow for the possibility they might really be busy the first time, but the second time assume it's a brush off. Have you never been in the same situation? Would you tell a girl you don't want to go to lunch with them straight out? I think most guys wouldn't as well.

I'm with you in making excuses as to not be rough, but when it's clear that someone's not getting the picture, you gotta put an end to it. At some point you're just being completely dishonest and inconsiderate (and in some cases, manipulative) to the person.

Quote
your male privilege in a patriarchal world gets to ask and not understand why women make the choices
they make.

But I literally just said...

Quote
I get it, some guys are either real desperate or can't take no for an answer.

And that's a part of what upsets me about this. I get to be categorized as a part of the group that women are afraid of!

I'd be lying if I said I never did ANYTHING that may have made women uncomfortable in the past that I now regret. I understand that aspect of it, and try my best to be considerate of that fact. As I've tried to say before though, maybe it's not that they can't accept "No." but that they really still think there's a chance.
The World Ends With You


  • Kayos
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1343

    • March 31, 2016, 07:13:57 pm
    • NZ
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2019, 08:10:33 am »
So far, whenever I've had to take my flashdrive out of a computer, and my CTs just so happens to be closer, they always opt to yank it out before I can go for the "Safe Eject" option. Gives me a mild spasm every time I see it happen. I had to teach them about the dangers of it and, low and behold, none of them had any idea it could wipe everything.

I'm sure this is one of many contributing factors as to why there are so many Korean Surprises.

These days, you don't really need to use the safe eject anymore though.


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2019, 08:10:44 am »
Quote
I'm with you in making excuses as to not be rough, but when it's clear that someone's not getting the picture, you gotta put an end to it. At some point you're just being completely dishonest and inconsiderate (and in some cases, manipulative) to the person.

The more someone doesn't get the polite brush off, the more they might seem weird to the person brushing them off and the less likely they'll want to antagonise them by being straight. Vicious circle. 


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2019, 08:17:18 am »
Quote
I'm with you in making excuses as to not be rough, but when it's clear that someone's not getting the picture, you gotta put an end to it. At some point you're just being completely dishonest and inconsiderate (and in some cases, manipulative) to the person.

The more someone doesn't get the polite brush off, the more they might seem weird to the person brushing them off and the less likely they'll want to antagonise them by being straight. Vicious circle. 

Yeah being straight in that situation is just too brutal in my opinion.  I would much rather spare someone's feelings by politely declining (with an excuse) until the other person gets the hint.  I'd rather be on the receiving end of polite brush offs than "Look, I'm not attracted to you, please stop asking".


  • Aristocrat
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1796

    • November 10, 2014, 01:04:27 pm
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #11 on: May 21, 2019, 08:27:57 am »
because guys don't accept "no"
guys feel entitled to women's bodies, attention, phone numbers, names, etc.

often times when a woman is straight up and honest, a guy flips off the handle.
there's all types of violence, stalking, insults & name calling, shaming, guilt tripping, etc.

imagine saying "no" to someone like most of the dudes on these posts  who literally thinks they know EVERYTHING
about EVERY subject in the world...the toxic masculinity and male fragility is going to soar through
the roof with defensiveness and attacks on the woman.
she MUST be saying "no" because there's either something wrong with her. or because she already
has a man. not just because she simply might not be interested.

your male privilege in a patriarchal world gets to ask and not understand why women make the choices
they make.
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
 Women are afraid men will kill them."

Whoah, I think you're seriously getting carried away.

Men and women's brains are cognitively different. Both sexes have to learn one another's language and for men, it's usually a bit harder. Men need to learn to read the signs and women need to stop being so cryptic.

Pretty much every guy was clueless at some point and couldn't read the signs. During high school, I asked a girl out and she claimed she gave the lamest excuse (can't remember) and I tried to offer a solution, I was a clueless idiot.  I will say, guys should've learned to understand women's signals long before they reach JVPrice's age.

Well, my understanding is that:

- She doesn't want to make things awkward by giving you a straight no, perhaps you see her on a regular basis.
- She's indecisive or not sure and was weighing her options about you before  she decided no.
- If she's Korean, she's probably worried about being seen with a foreigner and doesn't want the attention or drama.
- You're ugly AF! LOL.

Alternatively

- She's playing games, having another guy chase after her makes her feel desirable.

Either way, 7 weeks without a straight answer, while you should've got the hint, can you imagine how frustrating a relationship would be with someone so afraid to speak her mind? Let it go and move on, more fish and all that.


  • bb459
  • Veteran

    • 122

    • March 02, 2019, 06:19:42 pm
    • South Korea
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #12 on: May 21, 2019, 08:36:17 am »
because guys don't accept "no"
guys feel entitled to women's bodies, attention, phone numbers, names, etc.

often times when a woman is straight up and honest, a guy flips off the handle.
there's all types of violence, stalking, insults & name calling, shaming, guilt tripping, etc.

imagine saying "no" to someone like most of the dudes on these posts  who literally thinks they know EVERYTHING
about EVERY subject in the world...the toxic masculinity and male fragility is going to soar through
the roof with defensiveness and attacks on the woman.
she MUST be saying "no" because there's either something wrong with her. or because she already
has a man. not just because she simply might not be interested.

your male privilege in a patriarchal world gets to ask and not understand why women make the choices
they make.
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
 Women are afraid men will kill them."

Whoah, I think you're seriously getting carried away.

Men and women's brains are cognitively different. Both sexes have to learn one another's language and for men, it's usually a bit harder. Men need to learn to read the signs and women need to stop being so cryptic.

Pretty much every guy was clueless at some point and couldn't read the signs. During high school, I asked a girl out and she claimed she gave the lamest excuse (can't remember) and I tried to offer a solution, I was a clueless idiot.  I will say, guys should've learned to understand women's signals long before they reach JVPrice's age.

Well, my understanding is that:

- She doesn't want to make things awkward by giving you a straight no, perhaps you see her on a regular basis.
- She's indecisive or not sure and was weighing her options about you before  she decided no.
- If she's Korean, she's probably worried about being seen with a foreigner and doesn't want the attention or drama.
- You're ugly AF! LOL.

Alternatively

- She's playing games, having another guy chase after her makes her feel desirable.

Either way, 7 weeks without a straight answer, while you should've got the hint, can you imagine how frustrating a relationship would be with someone so afraid to speak her mind? Let it go and move on, more fish and all that.

annndddddd you're exactly one of the dudes I was talking about haha.
laughable.

did you read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" ? and take all that problematic trash as fact?

there are numerous women on here commenting exactly what I just said.
but neither they nor I expect you to look outside your own experience and privilege to imagine any other world
of possibilities besides the one you're already firmly planted in.



  • JVPrice
  • Expert Waygook

    • 790

    • August 29, 2017, 10:26:13 am
    • Cheongju
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #13 on: May 21, 2019, 08:41:35 am »
Either way, 7 weeks without a straight answer, while you should've got the hint, can you imagine how frustrating a relationship would be with someone so afraid to speak her mind? Let it go and move on, more fish and all that.

I wasn't very clear about this part. We actually went for lunch about 2 weeks ago. I meant 7 weeks as in waiting for the right moment to ask for a date (to which she said yes, mind you). As she was busy before (and I was certain of it in this instance), and I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

Also, there's no way that I'm ugly :wink:
The World Ends With You


  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2739

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #14 on: May 21, 2019, 08:42:40 am »
because guys don't accept "no"
guys feel entitled to women's bodies, attention, phone numbers, names, etc.

often times when a woman is straight up and honest, a guy flips off the handle.
there's all types of violence, stalking, insults & name calling, shaming, guilt tripping, etc.

imagine saying "no" to someone like most of the dudes on these posts  who literally thinks they know EVERYTHING
about EVERY subject in the world...the toxic masculinity and male fragility is going to soar through
the roof with defensiveness and attacks on the woman.
she MUST be saying "no" because there's either something wrong with her. or because she already
has a man. not just because she simply might not be interested.

your male privilege in a patriarchal world gets to ask and not understand why women make the choices
they make.
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
 Women are afraid men will kill them."

Whoah, I think you're seriously getting carried away.

Men and women's brains are cognitively different. Both sexes have to learn one another's language and for men, it's usually a bit harder. Men need to learn to read the signs and women need to stop being so cryptic.

Pretty much every guy was clueless at some point and couldn't read the signs. During high school, I asked a girl out and she claimed she gave the lamest excuse (can't remember) and I tried to offer a solution, I was a clueless idiot.  I will say, guys should've learned to understand women's signals long before they reach JVPrice's age.

Well, my understanding is that:

- She doesn't want to make things awkward by giving you a straight no, perhaps you see her on a regular basis.
- She's indecisive or not sure and was weighing her options about you before  she decided no.
- If she's Korean, she's probably worried about being seen with a foreigner and doesn't want the attention or drama.
- You're ugly AF! LOL.

Alternatively

- She's playing games, having another guy chase after her makes her feel desirable.

Either way, 7 weeks without a straight answer, while you should've got the hint, can you imagine how frustrating a relationship would be with someone so afraid to speak her mind? Let it go and move on, more fish and all that.

annndddddd you're exactly one of the dudes I was talking about haha.
laughable.

did you read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" ? and take all that problematic trash as fact?

there are numerous women on here commenting exactly what I just said.
but neither they nor I expect you to look outside your own experience and privilege to imagine any other world
of possibilities besides the one you're already firmly planted in.


lol
Kpip! - Martin 2018


  • CO2
  • The Legend

    • 4631

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Gunpo
    more
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2019, 09:32:16 am »
lol

This person is a walking example of people I attempt to avoid.

I'm pretty sure they'd feel the same way about me.

It's a win-win.   ;D
The joys of fauxtherhood


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2019, 09:39:55 am »
lol

This person is a walking example of people I attempt to avoid.

I'm pretty sure they'd feel the same way about me.

It's a win-win.   ;D

She/he reminds me of sevenpm.  I think it's the arrogance.  Anyone remember her lol?


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2019, 09:41:18 am »
lol

This person is a walking example of people I attempt to avoid.

I'm pretty sure they'd feel the same way about me.

It's a win-win.   ;D

'How dare you presume what women are thinking? Then 'all the women on here agree with me.'


  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2739

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #18 on: May 21, 2019, 09:51:42 am »
I get what she's saying, to an extent. I'm not a woman and maybe as a man i can't fully grasp what females go through. But just the open condemnation of 50% of humans. What purpose does that serve?

This will all naturally be pinned on my privilege and fragility.
Kpip! - Martin 2018


Re: Communication Between Genders
« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2019, 09:59:21 am »
lol

This person is a walking example of people I attempt to avoid.

I'm pretty sure they'd feel the same way about me.

It's a win-win.   ;D

A thing that most of you don't know is that I've worked with Zola. That's right; we shared an office together.  Most days he'd come into work wearing cowboy boot and chaps, and he'd toss his breakfast cheeseburger wrapper on the floor, knowing that someone else would come and clean it up.  When I mentioned how wrong this was to him, he'd stare at me like a camel looks at its owner, and say something in American or something.  But his southern drawl made it hard for me to understand him, 'but mah rights', he'd say, or something like that.  I just put it down to him being foreign.  Weird times.