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Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #40 on: November 22, 2018, 03:08:22 pm »
There is definitely a double-standard.

But I think a lot of people are under the impression that men don't carry these same views.

They totally do, lol. The story that I was talking about with the woman who couldn't maintain any of her relationships because of strangers? The grief was coming from both men and women, and her boyfriends often broke off the relationships because they got tired of dealing with aggression coming from other men.

There are many reasons for this, and yes, envy and insecurity CAN be among them, but they're not the only reasons.

What sort of guy would break off a relationship because of strangers' comments about an age gap? Sounds more like a 'he's just not that into you' excuse.

What people say and how they say them carry a lot of weight when it's constant and consistent, but this isn't just about comments. This is about others' behavior and treatment of them, too. And when all of that piles on, it can get to people after a while.

It's naive to believe that other people's judgment don't affect others at all. They can and they do. You can see plenty of examples of that right here in Korea. Lots of ruined relationships due to societal pressures. And in the example that I gave before, none of those relationships ended suddenly or overnight. They were all serious relationships that were ruined by strain that built up over time.

Yes but you said the aggression was coming from strangers. Just random people coming up to people making negative comments about age gaps. It'd be like someone here saying they broke up with their K girlfriend because they got the occasional comment about dirty foreigners dating local girls from drunk ajosshis. that'd be a bit weird IMO


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #41 on: November 22, 2018, 03:20:20 pm »
Yes but you said the aggression was coming from strangers. Just random people coming up to people making negative comments about age gaps. It'd be like someone here saying they broke up with their K girlfriend because they got the occasional comment about dirty foreigners dating local girls from drunk ajosshis. that'd be a bit weird IMO

Well, again, it was more than just the occasional comment. People were berating them and giving them a hard time everywhere they went, and just being nasty towards them in general. Then insecurity and resentment sets in, and arguments start. 

Some people can handle that.

Not everyone can, though.

A lots of K gfs and bfs break up with their foreign gfs and bfs because of it.


  • Cyanea
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Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #42 on: November 22, 2018, 03:54:02 pm »
her boyfriends often broke off the relationships because they got tired of dealing with aggression coming from other men.

That shouldn't be such an issue in the west but in Korea, foreign guys stand to lose a lot by trying to do something about it. When you're a waeg, any argument with a Korean can quickly become a blood money/ criminal record/ deportation incident. Its not as bad as it was but still, sometimes going out together becomes like a military maneouvre in enemy territory for the male.

As women age, they realize that their stock value plummets, and they no longer have as much power over men as they did when they were young. They try to exert their diminishing power by shaming men into making decisions that show that aging women still have value.

I suppose that makes sense.

Of course women have always been drawn to older men, as they are more secure and tend to have more status and assets. The last two might not apply to esl teachers of course, ha ha
Catch my drift?


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #43 on: November 22, 2018, 04:03:08 pm »
Of course women have always been drawn to older men, as they are more secure and tend to have more status and assets. The last two might not apply to esl teachers of course, ha ha
Hahaha, truth. ESL teachers in Korea enjoy negative status points


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #44 on: November 22, 2018, 04:16:09 pm »
Back in 1998 Mitch Albom (if memory serves) was writing about the Lewinsky scandal in the context of the Olympics. The French person he met wondered what the big deal was. "Why else would a man be president if not to have many affairs?" Pretty much everyone in the press pool agreed it was no big deal. Finally he got to the Japanese PR guy and was relieved at the seriousness he regarded the situation with. Here at last was someone who respected marriage and running a clean office.

 "If our Prime Minister did that he would be ashamed and would resign immediately. It would be a disgrace."
"Affairs are not permitted then?"
"Oh no, affairs are fine. It's just that the girl was so young. He should be having affairs with older women."


  • thunderlips
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Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #45 on: November 22, 2018, 05:06:02 pm »
Also you need to factor into womens’ pettiness and jealousy. No offense ladies reading this. After 18 who cares. Like anna nicole smith and her 100 year old husband, its a win win for everyone. The only time it is creepy is a dad dating or marrying his daughters friends, as in the news this week. But hey really who gives a shite.


  • Cyanea
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Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #46 on: November 22, 2018, 06:42:53 pm »
It was fairly normal for most of history for women to marry much older men.

Quote
A 2010 study by University of Dundee in Scotland found that as women become more financially independent, their tastes skew toward older—and better-looking—men.

https://stylecaster.com/famous-men-who-are-with-much-younger-women/
Catch my drift?


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #47 on: November 22, 2018, 06:45:53 pm »
Of course women have always been drawn to older men, as they are more secure and tend to have more status and assets. The last two might not apply to esl teachers of course, ha ha
Hahaha, truth. ESL teachers in Korea enjoy negative status points

Speak for yourself...!


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #48 on: November 23, 2018, 09:43:34 am »


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #49 on: November 23, 2018, 10:10:04 am »
Not the story that I was talking about, but it's very similar:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2379131/Grandmother-Anne-Bolton-Bristol-says-looking-young-ruins-life.html

'so I did my best to dress older.' Doesn't look like it in those pictures  :rolleyes:


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #50 on: November 23, 2018, 10:22:00 am »
Not the story that I was talking about, but it's very similar:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2379131/Grandmother-Anne-Bolton-Bristol-says-looking-young-ruins-life.html

'so I did my best to dress older.' Doesn't look like it in those pictures  :rolleyes:

I'm sure they chose pictures of her that would emphasize her youthful appearance. That's the point of the article. They wouldn't choose any of her where she's wearing more matronly clothing.

But it doesn't really matter, either way. I've been dressed up to my neck and down to my toes with loose, baggy clothing, and it never stopped or even diminished unwanted attention. I've even been catcalled while wearing puffy jackets that make me look three times bigger.


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #51 on: November 23, 2018, 10:23:44 am »
Not the story that I was talking about, but it's very similar:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2379131/Grandmother-Anne-Bolton-Bristol-says-looking-young-ruins-life.html

'so I did my best to dress older.' Doesn't look like it in those pictures  :rolleyes:

I'm sure they chose pictures of her that would emphasize her youthful appearance. That's the point of the article. They wouldn't choose any of her where she's wearing more matronly clothing.

But it doesn't really matter, either way. I've been dressed up to my neck and down to my toes with loose, baggy clothing, and it never stopped or even diminished unwanted attention. I've even been catcalled while wearing puffy jackets that make me look three times bigger.

Not even diminished? Deeeeeeem

edit: you must have great eyebrows. or dudes are a billion times thirstier than i thought. the cause is likely the second option.


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #52 on: November 23, 2018, 10:29:26 am »
But it doesn't really matter, either way. I've been dressed up to my neck and down to my toes with loose, baggy clothing, and it never stopped or even diminished unwanted attention. I've even been catcalled while wearing puffy jackets that make me look three times bigger.

Lol come on Chinguetti, you must be trolling now :laugh:


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Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #53 on: November 23, 2018, 10:35:59 am »
But it doesn't really matter, either way. I've been dressed up to my neck and down to my toes with loose, baggy clothing, and it never stopped or even diminished unwanted attention. I've even been catcalled while wearing puffy jackets that make me look three times bigger.

Lol come on Chinguetti, you must be trolling now :laugh:

Yeah.

Pics, or it didn’t happen!

:)


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #54 on: November 23, 2018, 10:39:38 am »
But it doesn't really matter, either way. I've been dressed up to my neck and down to my toes with loose, baggy clothing, and it never stopped or even diminished unwanted attention. I've even been catcalled while wearing puffy jackets that make me look three times bigger.

Lol come on Chinguetti, you must be trolling now :laugh:

No, 100% serious. The problem isn't the way a person dresses. It has to do with the mentality and the level of respect a person has towards another. When someone has a sense of entitlement and wants something from you, nothing is going to put them off.

It's way worse for me here than it is back home (it's actually not too common back at home in general, thanks to different norms) because of the fact that I'm foreign. The creeps here see a foreign face, and that's all it takes. You should follow me around for a day.


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #55 on: November 23, 2018, 11:23:09 am »
But it doesn't really matter, either way. I've been dressed up to my neck and down to my toes with loose, baggy clothing, and it never stopped or even diminished unwanted attention. I've even been catcalled while wearing puffy jackets that make me look three times bigger.

Lol come on Chinguetti, you must be trolling now :laugh:

No, 100% serious. The problem isn't the way a person dresses. It has to do with the mentality and the level of respect a person has towards another. When someone has a sense of entitlement and wants something from you, nothing is going to put them off.

It's way worse for me here than it is back home (it's actually not too common back at home in general, thanks to different norms) because of the fact that I'm foreign. The creeps here see a foreign face, and that's all it takes. You should follow me around for a day.

You should make one of those videos.


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #56 on: November 23, 2018, 12:43:29 pm »
Quote
They weren't Korean. 2 English women and 2 Americans. The only Korean involved was the 22 year old he is dating.

Yep that's what I thought. I bet the reaction wouldn't have been as strong if she'd been Western.

It would. Generally, people think negatively about it as their first thoughts, right or wrong. Personally, I don't like it and wouldn't do it, but there is a difference in not liking it/keeping it to yourself versus being obnoxious about someone else's life/forcing your opinion because you think what you have to say is so important.

You can not like it without berating someone and making a scene in public to hurt someone.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2018, 01:27:42 pm by hayleebb87 »


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #57 on: November 23, 2018, 12:43:43 pm »
edit: you must have great eyebrows. or dudes are a billion times thirstier than i thought. the cause is likely the second option.

Only now saw this.

Do guys really pay attention to the eyebrows? xD I thought most dudes are like this guy about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyPykVlgzEk

For some it can be about the thirst, but I think for most of the creeps that go around ignoring social norms and breaking rules of etiquette it's not about the thirst and more about being able to throw their weights around, to being able to treat certain people any way they want and to take what they want from them. They're just looking for excuses to get away with it.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2018, 12:46:18 pm by Chinguetti »


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #58 on: November 23, 2018, 01:25:35 pm »
 :afro:Brahhh.... That video is golden. I laughed so hard. Thanks!  :laugh:

edit: you must have great eyebrows. or dudes are a billion times thirstier than i thought. the cause is likely the second option.

Only now saw this.

Do guys really pay attention to the eyebrows? xD I thought most dudes are like this guy about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyPykVlgzEk

For some it can be about the thirst, but I think for most of the creeps that go around ignoring social norms and breaking rules of etiquette it's not about the thirst and more about being able to throw their weights around, to being able to treat certain people any way they want and to take what they want from them. They're just looking for excuses to get away with it.


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Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #59 on: February 13, 2019, 12:32:19 pm »
edit: you must have great eyebrows. or dudes are a billion times thirstier than i thought. the cause is likely the second option.

Only now saw this.

Do guys really pay attention to the eyebrows? xD I thought most dudes are like this guy about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyPykVlgzEk

For some it can be about the thirst, but I think for most of the creeps that go around ignoring social norms and breaking rules of etiquette it's not about the thirst and more about being able to throw their weights around, to being able to treat certain people any way they want and to take what they want from them. They're just looking for excuses to get away with it.

The Social Science Behind Catcalling - https://link.medium.com/EJgWCsnugU