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  • Colburnnn
  • Expert Waygook

    • 615

    • August 10, 2015, 05:52:37 pm
    • South Korea
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #120 on: May 13, 2019, 07:24:26 am »
I heard the other day that one of my male colleagues is living with one of his former students. :huh:

Hey, if its good enough for the President of France... What is the problem?
75% of foreigners regularly hang out in Itaewon. Only about 0.001% of Koreans do.


  • OnNut81
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1079

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #121 on: May 13, 2019, 08:05:37 am »
VanIslander: She was 14 years, 5 months... I was 17 years, 6 months.

We met at a high school party and kissed before age even was known (she was 5'7 and came with her sister whom she looked like, they both from another part of town).

We were both underage. We were together for 4 years and our parents consented. After dating for 6 months to 1 year, everyone pretty much accepts it.

She was my high school graduation date and I was her high school graduation date.


Holy crap!  Is no one else deeply disturbed by this admission and attempt to rationalize it?  17 and 14 is not 28 and 25 man.  That was absolutely creepy.  You were in high school and were okay dating a girl in middle school?  Anyone was okay with that?  You think it's ok because she was 5"7"?  The fact that you think the fact she won contests in knitting implies it was acceptable holds no water.  I'm pretty sure that was not legally kosher in that you were over 16 and she was under.  And even if that was ok by law, it's creepy and you shouldn't have been okay with that.  Wrong on several levels man.  I can't imagine that peer pressure didn't set you straight.  How old were you when you went to her high school graduation?  Yikes!


  • AMDC
  • Veteran

    • 103

    • April 19, 2018, 08:00:49 am
    • South Korea
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #122 on: May 13, 2019, 08:15:18 am »
VanIslander: She was 14 years, 5 months... I was 17 years, 6 months.

We met at a high school party and kissed before age even was known (she was 5'7 and came with her sister whom she looked like, they both from another part of town).

We were both underage. We were together for 4 years and our parents consented. After dating for 6 months to 1 year, everyone pretty much accepts it.

She was my high school graduation date and I was her high school graduation date.


Holy crap!  Is no one else ....

14 is cutting it, but if all parties consented I don't think it's an issue.


  • Kayos
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1689

    • March 31, 2016, 07:13:57 pm
    • NZ
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #123 on: May 13, 2019, 08:15:49 am »
VanIslander: She was 14 years, 5 months... I was 17 years, 6 months.

We met at a high school party and kissed before age even was known (she was 5'7 and came with her sister whom she looked like, they both from another part of town).

We were both underage. We were together for 4 years and our parents consented. After dating for 6 months to 1 year, everyone pretty much accepts it.

She was my high school graduation date and I was her high school graduation date.


Holy crap!  Is no one else deeply disturbed by this admission and attempt to rationalize it?  17 and 14 is not 28 and 25 man.  That was absolutely creepy.  You were in high school and were okay dating a girl in middle school?  Anyone was okay with that?  You think it's ok because she was 5"7"?  The fact that you think the fact she won contests in knitting implies it was acceptable holds no water.  I'm pretty sure that was not legally kosher in that you were over 16 and she was under.  And even if that was ok by law, it's creepy and you shouldn't have been okay with that.  Wrong on several levels man.  I can't imagine that peer pressure didn't set you straight.  How old were you when you went to her high school graduation?  Yikes!

A 17 year old dating a 14 year old is perfectly fine, IMO. In NZ, high school starts at 13 and goes for 5 years. 
Though, in NZ, a person can't have sex until they are 16. And if you are 16 and have sex with a 14 - 15 year old, you can get charged with statutory rape.
So, as long as they weren't having sex while she was under 16, I don't really see a problem.


  • OnNut81
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1079

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #124 on: May 13, 2019, 09:50:38 am »
There is a huge gulf between someone who is well over 17 and a 14 year old in regards to mental maturity.  I can see a 14 year old thinking "Wow! I'm dating a 17 year old" but it's the 17 year old who should've stopped it and known "It's wrong to date a 14 year old." 


  • kyndo
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 5792

    • March 03, 2011, 09:45:24 am
    • Gyeongsangbuk-do
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #125 on: May 13, 2019, 09:52:44 am »
A 17 year old dating a 14 year old is perfectly fine, IMO. In NZ, high school starts at 13 and goes for 5 years. 
Though, in NZ, a person can't have sex until they are 16. And if you are 16 and have sex with a 14 - 15 year old, you can get charged with statutory rape.
So, as long as they weren't having sex while she was under 16, I don't really see a problem.
In Canada, the age of consent is 16... unless the 2 are within 5 years of age of one another, in which case the age of consent is 14.  :undecided:


  • Kayos
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1689

    • March 31, 2016, 07:13:57 pm
    • NZ
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #126 on: May 13, 2019, 09:58:32 am »
A 17 year old dating a 14 year old is perfectly fine, IMO. In NZ, high school starts at 13 and goes for 5 years. 
Though, in NZ, a person can't have sex until they are 16. And if you are 16 and have sex with a 14 - 15 year old, you can get charged with statutory rape.
So, as long as they weren't having sex while she was under 16, I don't really see a problem.
In Canada, the age of consent is 16... unless the 2 are within 5 years of age of one another, in which case the age of consent is 14.  :undecided:

Ahh nice, NZ doesn't have the within 5 years thing. Actually, my cousin, while he was 18 (but still in high school on his last year) went to a party and had sex with a 15 year old (she said she was 17 to him). Even though she agreed to it, the girls parents found out and went to the police, and he got 12 months home detention (had to wear an ankle monitor) and he lost a professional rugby job too, that was waiting for him after high school.


  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2917

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #127 on: May 13, 2019, 10:16:07 am »
Holy crap!  Is no one else deeply disturbed by this admission and attempt to rationalize it?  17 and 14 is not 28 and 25 man.  That was absolutely creepy.  You were in high school and were okay dating a girl in middle school?  Anyone was okay with that?  You think it's ok because she was 5"7"?  The fact that you think the fact she won contests in knitting implies it was acceptable holds no water.  I'm pretty sure that was not legally kosher in that you were over 16 and she was under.  And even if that was ok by law, it's creepy and you shouldn't have been okay with that.  Wrong on several levels man.  I can't imagine that peer pressure didn't set you straight.  How old were you when you went to her high school graduation?  Yikes!

Deeply disturbed? No.
Not ideal, obviously, but on what planet do you live on that you think this doesn't happen as a matter of course, everywhere?
Kpip! - Martin 2018


  • kyndo
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 5792

    • March 03, 2011, 09:45:24 am
    • Gyeongsangbuk-do
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #128 on: May 13, 2019, 10:26:16 am »
Ahh nice, NZ doesn't have the within 5 years thing.
    It's a new law, only passed in 2008. Age of consent used to be 14, but people decided that was a bit creepy, so they upped it to 16 but added the 'within 5 years' qualifier. A reasonable change, in my opinion.


  • OnNut81
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1079

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #129 on: May 13, 2019, 10:40:02 am »
Zola: Deeply disturbed? No.
Not ideal, obviously, but on what planet do you live on that you think this doesn't happen as a matter of course, everywhere?

Stuff happening everywhere means it can't be considered disturbing?  That makes no sense.

I didn't say it was exceptional in the world, only that it was disturbing.  And, yes, growing up in Canada a high schooler dating a middle schooler would've been exceptional and considered creepy if not borderline illegal. 



  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2917

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #130 on: May 13, 2019, 10:52:07 am »
Zola: Deeply disturbed? No.
Not ideal, obviously, but on what planet do you live on that you think this doesn't happen as a matter of course, everywhere?

Stuff happening everywhere means it can't be considered disturbing?  That makes no sense.

I didn't say it was exceptional in the world, only that it was disturbing.  And, yes, growing up in Canada a high schooler dating a middle schooler would've been exceptional and considered creepy if not borderline illegal. 



I think you are overreacting a tad.
Things happening everywhere implies at least partial acceptance from society at large.
I agree, 14 is on the very edge of acceptable, with people falling either way on the issue. But you are acting like it's a 20 year old with a 10 year old.

edit: and maybe it is more culturally acceptable in NZ, like kayos said. It wasn't as though it was completely normal, but I certainly remember a few instances. People would give the guy shit in a half joking/serious manner.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2019, 10:55:41 am by zola »
Kpip! - Martin 2018


  • kyndo
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 5792

    • March 03, 2011, 09:45:24 am
    • Gyeongsangbuk-do
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #131 on: May 13, 2019, 11:20:53 am »
edit: and maybe it is more culturally acceptable in NZ, like kayos said. It wasn't as though it was completely normal, but I certainly remember a few instances. People would give the guy shit in a half joking/serious manner.
     I remember back in Grade 12 a friend of mine was dating somebody in grade 9 (in rural Canada, highschool is grades 8 to 12). We would always be making snide jokes about people having to wait for recess to go for a date.   :laugh:


  • OnNut81
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1079

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #132 on: May 13, 2019, 11:38:06 am »
Zola: I think you are overreacting a tad.
Things happening everywhere implies at least partial acceptance from society at large.
I agree, 14 is on the very edge of acceptable, with people falling either way on the issue. But you are acting like it's a 20 year old with a 10 year old.

Come on, now that's overreacting. A 20 year old and a 10 year old would be a clear crime obviously.  Even if this 17 and 14 year old thing was technically legal it shouldn't have felt right.  I mean, imagine you're in grade 11 and your buddy is dating a middle schooler?  "Hey man, you want to meet up Friday?"  Friend: "Sorry, I can't.  Middle school graduation this week."  Sounds funny, except in this situation it's accurate. That's more than "haha can't date a girl your own age?" type of ribbing there.  You'd wonder WTF is wrong with the guy.  And the way VanIslander wrote almost like a proud older brother about how she was winning knitting contests and studying Japanes,e as if that somehow justified his attraction for her sets the needle of my creepometer swinging. 



  • confusedsafferinkorea
  • Waygook Lord

    • 5367

    • October 08, 2010, 01:02:32 pm
    • Zhubei, Hsinchu Province, Taiwan
    more
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #133 on: May 13, 2019, 11:53:01 am »
People get all bent out of shape with this age difference thing. To be honest, it has nothing to do with you.

I know a couple in the Philippines, he is 88 and she is 30 odd. They are so happy and have been together for many years. What does he get out of it? Companionship and the love and care of a good woman. What does she get out of it? I beautiful house that will be hers when he dies, security and the love of a good man. It is no ones business at all.

When an older man marries a younger one, people are quick to say the age gap will result in a divorce soon.  To me the track record of people marrying someone in their age range in terms of divorce is much worse.

I wish people would just mind their own business, courses for horses and all that stuff.
There is no known medical cure for stupidity!


  • Kayos
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1689

    • March 31, 2016, 07:13:57 pm
    • NZ
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #134 on: May 13, 2019, 01:23:57 pm »
People get all bent out of shape with this age difference thing. To be honest, it has nothing to do with you.

I know a couple in the Philippines, he is 88 and she is 30 odd. They are so happy and have been together for many years. What does he get out of it? Companionship and the love and care of a good woman. What does she get out of it? I beautiful house that will be hers when he dies, security and the love of a good man. It is no ones business at all.

When an older man marries a younger one, people are quick to say the age gap will result in a divorce soon.  To me the track record of people marrying someone in their age range in terms of divorce is much worse.

I wish people would just mind their own business, courses for horses and all that stuff.

While 88 and 30 is consenting adults and they can do whatever. I find that amount of an age gap to be super creepy. :o


  • OnNut81
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1079

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #135 on: May 13, 2019, 01:59:24 pm »
confusedsafferinkor ea: I wish people would just mind their own business, courses for horses and all that stuff.

I think if people followed that maxim this thread and site would see far less action.  This site is populated by bored people who come here to specifically not mind their own business much of the time.  The only way, in fact, confusedsafferinkor ea could've practiced what he preached would've been not commenting at all. 

I lived in Phuket for a number of years and also saw many lop-sided relationships age wise.  Definitely hard not to be somewhat creeped out when you see a petite 20 something walking arm in arm with an obese 70 year old but they've made an adult situation and there is no way the guy gives a rat's a** what you think. 


  • L I
  • The Legend

    • 4663

    • October 03, 2011, 01:50:58 pm
    • Seoul
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #136 on: May 13, 2019, 05:18:44 pm »
To me the track record of people marrying someone in their age range in terms of divorce is much worse.

Research shows the opposite.

https://data360.wordpress.com/2014/11/13/small-age-gap-between-spouses-lowers-likelihood-of-divorce/


  • debbiem89
  • Expert Waygook

    • 508

    • August 30, 2016, 09:42:49 am
    • South Korea
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #137 on: May 14, 2019, 07:50:40 am »
I honestly don't understand why people care what other people are doing with their lives.

If they are consenting adults and both have their eyes wide open when going into a relationship/marriage then that's absolutely their decision to make.

Some people marry for love and passion of course, but for a lot of people that's simply not the case and that's absolutely fine too.

What I HATE about this thread is all the men deciding that us women are SO bothered by it and SO jealous. Erm no, we're good.


Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #138 on: May 14, 2019, 08:05:19 am »
Quote
If they are consenting adults and both have their eyes wide open when going into a relationship/marriage then that's absolutely their decision to make.

Do you feel the same about prostitution? Because if you substituted 'relationship' with 'transaction' above, there isn't really an argument for banning or restricting prostitution either.


  • kyndo
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 5792

    • March 03, 2011, 09:45:24 am
    • Gyeongsangbuk-do
Re: Age difference in relationships
« Reply #139 on: May 14, 2019, 08:17:18 am »
Quote
If they are consenting adults and both have their eyes wide open when going into a relationship/marriage then that's absolutely their decision to make.
Do you feel the same about prostitution? Because if you substituted 'relationship' with 'transaction' above, there isn't really an argument for banning or restricting prostitution either.
Honestly, research has proven time and time again that legalizing and regulating prostitution makes it far safer for everybody involved.
I mean, I have issues with the idea of prostitution, but it's the oldest known profession and it will never ever go away, so society should do what it can to ensure that it isn't dangerous, dirty, and abusive as it so often is nowadays.