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Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #40 on: August 07, 2021, 08:40:30 pm »
I say more than a few expats are going to end up like "immigrant daddy" back home. Angry, working a mediocre job even though they feel they should be some high-up, yelling at their kids not to watch or listen to anything in the local language. Spending time with other immigrant daddies at some immigrant dive bar and snarling about the country they now live in. Kid playing today's music and daddy comes storming in and saying how they need to listen to music from back home that's 60 years old. Every other dinner conversation being about how much the country they live in sucks compared to "The Old Country".  Completely disconnected from society, current events and trends in their country, kid's friends saying "Your dad is always so angry...He's scary...Why was he so rude to us?" etc. etc.

Word to the wise: You don't want to be immigrant daddy.


Ahh! Marty I'm an immigrant daddy. I live here in Korea, and are never going back.
Mind you, my two girls are NZ citizens. I'm also 60 and I do love classic rock. But, I don't go to dive bars, and I rarely shit on Korea, unless it's deserving.

My kids are wonderful. (Their Korean husbands are cool guys), and my grandchild is the loveliest person on Earth.
I work for myself, and have done for many years. Half the neighbouhood were always at our house when my kids were at school, and I don't think they saw me as a monster.  Considerind many still drop in to say hello, or have a coffee says that myself and my wife aren't too bad a people.

Anyway, maybe this is not what you are talking about.


Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #41 on: August 07, 2021, 09:15:13 pm »
I don't think he'd be interested in your true-life story to be honest. He already has his nicely constructed negative idea of a non Korean expat father in his mind, that makes him feel more superior/secure. 


Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #42 on: August 07, 2021, 09:36:00 pm »
Yeah, you could be right grimlock2. But for a reason I'm giving Marti the benefit of the doubt. I seem to be misunderstanding him lately, and maybe this is not what he means.
Let's see what he says or doesn't.


Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #43 on: August 07, 2021, 09:53:39 pm »
Yeah, you could be right grimlock2. But for a reason I'm giving Marti the benefit of the doubt. I seem to be misunderstanding him lately, and maybe this is not what he means.
Let's see what he says or doesn't.

It's ironic really as this is just the kind of thing he's always attacking posters like Mayorhaggar for saying. Substitute 'immigrant daddy'  for Korean Ajosshi and you have the same thing.


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Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #44 on: August 09, 2021, 08:00:55 am »
Yeah, you could be right grimlock2. But for a reason I'm giving Marti the benefit of the doubt. I seem to be misunderstanding him lately, and maybe this is not what he means.
Let's see what he says or doesn't.

i'm pretty sure what he means by "immigrant daddy" isn't literally just immigrants who are fathers, but a particular stereotype/subset of them. (sort of like the korean ajosshi grimlock mentioned)


Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #45 on: August 09, 2021, 10:04:30 am »
i'm pretty sure what he means by "immigrant daddy" isn't literally just immigrants who are fathers, but a particular stereotype/subset of them. (sort of like the korean ajosshi grimlock mentioned)
This. It isn't immigrants who are fathers, its the subset that move to another country and refuse to adapt. The ones that often have good degrees back home but end up working mediocre jobs AND are bitter about it AND constantly spend their time trashing their new home AND insist on their kids watching (insert their nationality here) TV/music/movies/etc.

It's ironic really as this is just the kind of thing he's always attacking posters like Mayorhaggar for saying. Substitute 'immigrant daddy'  for Korean Ajosshi and you have the same thing.
"immigrant daddy" doesn't have a specific ethnicity. It applies to immigrant daddies around the world, from all backgrounds, and in any country.

Yeah, you could be right grimlock2. But for a reason I'm giving Marti the benefit of the doubt. I seem to be misunderstanding him lately, and maybe this is not what he means.
Let's see what he says or doesn't.
Thanks, yeah, it definitely wasn't meant to be all immigrant dads and I did a poor job of clarifying and that certainly isn't you by all accounts. It's a common subset that fall into that cycle. Extremely disconnected from society, snarling, "speak (insert language from back home- and not just for educational purposes and practice)", etc.

Compare that to "Just Dad" who has connections to the community, be it small as part of some club or big as part of some substantial organization, could be poor or rich but happy to be there, tries to adapt as best he can, thinks its great if his kids are into TV/music/films/books from their new country because that's where there future is (or at least potentially/partially is), etc.

But also there is an issue- When we think about "good immigrants" back home, we think about those who tried their best to make a good go of it. I mean above all, we hope they buy into "The American Dream" or whatever else. Well, if you're going to raise a family in Korea or Ethiopia or wherever, you probably should buy-in at least somewhat. I'm not saying Ori-Nara and all that, but at least "Hey this is a great country and God forbid there's a disaster or something like that, I'd be there". Celebrate some of the local heroes, holidays, and other hullabaloo, etc. No one is going to be perfect, but at least we hopefully will not be bitter immigrant daddy.
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Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #46 on: August 09, 2021, 11:13:13 am »
Quote
This. It isn't immigrants who are fathers, its the subset that move to another country and refuse to adapt. The ones that often have good degrees back home but end up working mediocre jobs AND are bitter about it AND constantly spend their time trashing their new home AND insist on their kids watching (insert their nationality here) TV/music/movies/etc.     

You're not fooling anyone, by talking about immigrants with degrees ending up in mediocre jobs you're latching onto the common English teacher trope and are having a pop at Westerners. 


Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #47 on: August 09, 2021, 01:56:56 pm »
You're not fooling anyone, by talking about immigrants with degrees ending up in mediocre jobs you're latching onto the common English teacher trope and are having a pop at Westerners. 
Your hallucination has been noted.

Its a common trope for immigrants everywhere. The guy who was an engineer but is now a handyman. Some are bitter. Some are thankful just to have a job and be in a new country.
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Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #48 on: August 09, 2021, 09:47:20 pm »
Your hallucination has been noted.

Its a common trope for immigrants everywhere. The guy who was an engineer but is now a handyman. Some are bitter. Some are thankful just to have a job and be in a new country.

Hasn't there been Korean master degree and PHD qualified candidates all vying for the lowest level public sector position for road sweeping? Some Koreans are just thankful for a job in their own country.


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Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #49 on: August 10, 2021, 08:11:39 am »
You do not have to adapt to your new country's ways or norms to live a happy, contented, productive  life there. There are many reasons people leave their home country. Most are economic I would assume, but you might be on the run from the mafia.

I don't think it's possible, for me for certain, to say "lifer". Things change.

I like where I am and have a very nice life. I plan to never leave. But if I won the lottery I'd be outta here asap and living on a boat in the Caribbean. 

So, am I a lifer? Yeah...unless things change.

Have I become one of the locals? Nope. Never gonna happen. 


Re: What is the definition of a lifer?
« Reply #50 on: August 10, 2021, 12:47:15 pm »
You do not have to adapt to your new country's ways or norms to live a happy, contented, productive  life there. There are many reasons people leave their home country. Most are economic I would assume, but you might be on the run from the mafia.
Have I become one of the locals? Nope. Never gonna happen. 
You don't have to, I agree. But if you're bitter, complaining, isolated AND non-adapting, then that's where the trope enters. Also, usually the people who are happy but somewhat non-adapting do tend to have things like local friends and some level of ties to the community because they're generally optimistic and friendly people. They're often teaching (insert cultural thing X) to the locals or a visiting professor or historian or craftsman or whatever. They're reaction to locals is "Hey let me share this great new stuff you might enjoy" vs. "Why aren't you people acting like how people in my country act and enjoying the things they do?"

Two people could be doing the exact same thing- Playing music from their country of origin and have it be completely different. One doing it to share and get people feeling happy, the other as an act of defiance or anger against the country they now live in.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2021, 12:49:21 pm by Mr.DeMartino »
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