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  • Skyehawks
  • Featured Contributor

    • 166

    • January 29, 2016, 08:36:35 am
    • South Korea
How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« on: July 03, 2017, 08:08:39 am »
Lets make a long story short.

A long time ago my biological parents got divorced, and eventually remarried.

Now I just found out that my step mom is in the hospital. She is both a dialysis and diabetes patient for background info. My dad recently told me that she is slowly declining and is going to die soon. When? I don't know. Why you ask? She is in out out of cognitive ability: meaning she experiences spell of not knowing where she is or what she is doing, and periods of fully knowing. Per my dad, she has diabetic ulcers all over her foot and doctors are debating daily whether or not to take the foot. Because of issues with the diabetes doctors also found out that her heart is starting to calcify.

As if all of that going on isn't bad enough. I can not tell my mom because my dad asked me not to tell anyone. My dad is being forced to sell his house.

Oh and also on Father's day no less, my dad got hit in the face with a tire tread while on his motorcycle. He now has multiple breaks along his jaw, if it would have hit 1 inch higher it would have destroyed his eye sockets.


Want to know how I found all this out? Did they tell me? No they did not.

I found out simply because I called to wish my dad happy birthday.


So how do I tell my co-teacher all this is going on back home, and for a few days my mind may be thinking about other things?


  • CO2
  • The Legend

    • 4795

    • March 02, 2015, 03:41:14 pm
    • Gunpo
    more
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2017, 08:16:00 am »
Lets make a long story short.

A long time ago my biological parents got divorced, and eventually remarried.

Now I just found out that my step mom is in the hospital. She is both a dialysis and diabetes patient for background info. My dad recently told me that she is slowly declining and is going to die soon. When? I don't know. Why you ask? She is in out out of cognitive ability: meaning she experiences spell of not knowing where she is or what she is doing, and periods of fully knowing. Per my dad, she has diabetic ulcers all over her foot and doctors are debating daily whether or not to take the foot. Because of issues with the diabetes doctors also found out that her heart is starting to calcify.

As if all of that going on isn't bad enough. I can not tell my mom because my dad asked me not to tell anyone. My dad is being forced to sell his house.

Oh and also on Father's day no less, my dad got hit in the face with a tire tread while on his motorcycle. He now has multiple breaks along his jaw, if it would have hit 1 inch higher it would have destroyed his eye sockets.


Want to know how I found all this out? Did they tell me? No they did not.

I found out simply because I called to wish my dad happy birthday.


So how do I tell my co-teacher all this is going on back home, and for a few days my mind may be thinking about other things?

Cool Co-Teacher: Hey, just so you know, there's a few personal issues happening with my family back home. It's not enough for me to go back, but if I seem a little weird the next few days, or if I makes some mistakes, please understand why.

Un-cool Co-T: Say nothing.
The joys of fauxtherhood


Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2017, 08:42:29 am »
I second this, I've had co-teachers that are apathetic as hell, ones that can't comprehend what the concept of "other people" and everything in between. Follow what has been a gut feeling of how you get along. Careful what you divulge (even if close and trusted) as Koreans are infamous as hell at gossiping. If you do get along letting them know generally what's going on is for your benefit as well as being cordial for the person you work with to know what's up with your behavior change. 

[/quote]

Cool Co-Teacher: Hey, just so you know, there's a few personal issues happening with my family back home. It's not enough for me to go back, but if I seem a little weird the next few days, or if I makes some mistakes, please understand why.

Un-cool Co-T: Say nothing.
[/quote]
Hans Gruber. Prince Humperdink. Mantis Tobogin.


  • annataleen
  • Moderator LVL 1

    • 464

    • May 02, 2014, 01:27:07 pm
    • Incheon
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2017, 09:41:07 am »
Skyehawks, I am really sorry you are going through this. My parents are divorced too and I have a step mother that has had health issues while I am away, and I also have parents who don't want me to tell the other personal issues. It sucks.

As far as telling your coT, that is up to you. How comfortable do you feel with them? I have found being open with mine helps me; both here and when I was in Japan. However, I am a woman and most of my coTs have also been women. Some even tell me their personal issues that they don't tell other teachers. I am not sure how they would respond to a man though, and I hate saying that. You might want to do what others suggested and just say something is going on at home and not go into that much detail.

If you need someone to talk to, please PM me.


  • yirj17
  • The Legend

    • 2782

    • September 16, 2015, 02:23:16 am
    • Korealand
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2017, 09:49:15 am »
I agree with the others, I think it depends on your coT and only you can be the judge of that.  For example, I have one coT whom I prefer not to share any personal details with, not even my basic weekend plans (she's weirdly gossipy about the littlest things, so I'm always very vague but polite with her). 

I have another coT whom I wouldn't mind telling anything if I had personal problems going on, though admittedly not with much detail as I'm just a private person in general.  She's also the type to be very sympathetic and try to make things easier for me if she knows I'm having a down day. 

I have another whom I don't tell anything but to be fair, he doesn't ask me anything either.  Nothing against him like the gossipy coT, we just mutually don't discuss anything beyond work.  He's cool though.

Go with your gut if you think you have good intuition, but remember also that it's a work environment and professional type of relationship so I think being brief and general is fine if you choose to say anything at all. 

Sorry you're going through all this. 


  • Aristocrat
  • Hero of Waygookistan

    • 1913

    • November 10, 2014, 01:04:27 pm
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2017, 09:58:40 am »
Lets make a long story short.

A long time ago my biological parents got divorced, and eventually remarried.

Now I just found out that my step mom is in the hospital. She is both a dialysis and diabetes patient for background info. My dad recently told me that she is slowly declining and is going to die soon. When? I don't know. Why you ask? She is in out out of cognitive ability: meaning she experiences spell of not knowing where she is or what she is doing, and periods of fully knowing. Per my dad, she has diabetic ulcers all over her foot and doctors are debating daily whether or not to take the foot. Because of issues with the diabetes doctors also found out that her heart is starting to calcify.

As if all of that going on isn't bad enough. I can not tell my mom because my dad asked me not to tell anyone. My dad is being forced to sell his house.

Oh and also on Father's day no less, my dad got hit in the face with a tire tread while on his motorcycle. He now has multiple breaks along his jaw, if it would have hit 1 inch higher it would have destroyed his eye sockets.


Want to know how I found all this out? Did they tell me? No they did not.

I found out simply because I called to wish my dad happy birthday.


So how do I tell my co-teacher all this is going on back home, and for a few days my mind may be thinking about other things?

It's tricky...

I wouldn't tell these things to CTs I've known for years and whom I consider friends. I've yet to meet a CT who wasn't unusually nosey about these things, they won't accept ambiguity or vagueness. They'll want to know all the juicy details and it's a good bet it'll be blabbed around the school.

Keep the details out, simply say a close relative is very ill and don't divulge the details, the don't need to know.


  • oglop
  • The Legend

    • 2516

    • August 25, 2011, 07:24:54 pm
    • Seoul
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2017, 10:19:33 am »
 i once told the teacher who i trusted most "please don't tell anyone else, but..."

15 minutes later, she had told the principal, vice principal and head teacher what i told her in confidence.

i've never been so gobsmacked

never told anyone anything important after that


  • Pecan
  • The Legend

    • 3769

    • December 27, 2010, 09:14:44 am
    • Seoul
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2017, 11:46:50 am »
OP,

First off, though we are all strangers here for the most part, very sorry to learn of your current situation.  Most of us that have been here for some time, can empathize with you, as we have had similar events take place back home.

That said, echoing what others have said, say nothing.

Our schools are our places of "work" not our places for unpacking/unloading our emotional "garbage".

If you aren't in the right head-space to teach, use one of your "sick" days to work your issues out away from your workplace.

Again, my apologies.


  • bjinglee
  • Expert Waygook

    • 545

    • March 10, 2011, 10:29:48 pm
    • South Korea
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2017, 09:07:59 pm »
i once told the teacher who i trusted most "please don't tell anyone else, but..."

15 minutes later, she had told the principal, vice principal and head teacher what i told her in confidence.

i've never been so gobsmacked

never told anyone anything important after that

Also agree with this. Never share anything that you don't want the whole school to know, because discretion is seriously lacking in a lot of cases here.

I've also had some miserable things back home while I've been here, but in that case I usually just say my neighbours kept me up by being noisy or something. Think of some innocuous excuse if you're feeling distracted and having a rough time.
Totally agree with this. Say only what you absolutely must to get what you need and leave it at that.


  • Jaxicles
  • Adventurer

    • 32

    • June 18, 2012, 03:04:43 pm
    • Gunsan, Korea
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2017, 08:44:58 am »
OP,

First off, though we are all strangers here for the most part, very sorry to learn of your current situation.  Most of us that have been here for some time, can empathize with you, as we have had similar events take place back home.

That said, echoing what others have said, say nothing.

Our schools are our places of "work" not our places for unpacking/unloading our emotional "garbage".



If you aren't in the right head-space to teach, use one of your "sick" days to work your issues out away from your workplace.

Again, my apologies.



This stuff you don't just "work" through in a day....fkn hell


  • Pecan
  • The Legend

    • 3769

    • December 27, 2010, 09:14:44 am
    • Seoul
Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2017, 09:43:59 am »
Take two days instead of one, but if she takes more, she will have to produce a doctor's note, which doesn't look good in the ROK.

Things like, "She is suffering mental issues and the like" don't go over well here.

Point was, keep it outside of work.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2017, 11:25:21 am by Pecan »


Re: How do you talk about personal issues with a coteacher?
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2017, 03:03:33 pm »
I don't think that they would care. I think Korea work culture is grin and bear it. I mean if you feel that you have a good connection with her then you could mention that yet don't be surprised if they are indifferent and then criticize you for not doing your job well.
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