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Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #20 on: April 12, 2017, 02:59:41 pm »
What if it's mid morning in a Tom n Toms?

Wtf are 4 men doing meeting at a Tom n Toms? Either chat over breakfast or wait till lunch.


  • zola
  • The Legend

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    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #21 on: April 12, 2017, 03:00:43 pm »
Enjoying a delicious ice latte, obviously.
Kpip! - Martin 2018


  • lazerbullet
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Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #22 on: April 12, 2017, 10:10:10 pm »
When I get into that situation when I'm out with my GF and some of her family our friends (or random Koreans that get dragged into the equation on a night out) I usually just get on my phone and ignore them.  When they ask I honestly tell them "it's boring and no fun."  People generally get that sentiment.  I used to just get up, say bye and leave.  Anyone who lacks the social awareness to exclude a member of the group is not someone whose feelings I worry about sparing. 

Well you sound like a laugh riot


Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #23 on: April 13, 2017, 07:54:33 am »
What if it's mid morning in a Tom n Toms?

Wtf are 4 men doing meeting at a Tom n Toms? Either chat over breakfast or wait till lunch.

 :laugh:


  • OnNut81
  • Expert Waygook

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    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
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Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #24 on: April 13, 2017, 08:06:33 am »
Lazerbullet:  You have no problem sitting around with people who are talking amongst themselves and giving you token attention, then that's your call.  Instead of complaining, I'm just honest and get up and move on. It has lead to where I don't have to deal with it for an evening and the Koreans I spend the majority of my free time with these days are much more aware and inclusive.  I don't stay and whine.  Not sure how my being a laffriot comes into play in a situation where I'm just sitting there twiddling thumbs and looking for distraction. 


  • gogators!
  • The Legend

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    • March 16, 2016, 04:35:48 pm
    • Seoul
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #25 on: April 13, 2017, 08:56:57 am »
"What are the rules"? Sounds like a Seinfeld episode.


Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #26 on: April 13, 2017, 09:42:03 am »
Lazerbullet:  You have no problem sitting around with people who are talking amongst themselves and giving you token attention, then that's your call.  Instead of complaining, I'm just honest and get up and move on. It has lead to where I don't have to deal with it for an evening and the Koreans I spend the majority of my free time with these days are much more aware and inclusive.  I don't stay and whine.  Not sure how my being a laffriot comes into play in a situation where I'm just sitting there twiddling thumbs and looking for distraction.

Men don't need people to pay attention to them to feel validated and don't run away the second a convo that doesn't involve them breaks out. That doesn't mean you're never the center of attention. It simply means you choose your moment and when you have something to say, then you command the room.

A man of minimal position who can't handle sitting at a table and listening for two hours has problems. That's something you learn by the age of 12- how to sit at the adult table with dad and his friends and not get fidgety because they don't want to pay attention to you yapping about 12 year old nonsense. You wait, and then when they're talking basketball you chime in with something that makes them all look up and respect what you have to say.


  • OnNut81
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Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #27 on: April 13, 2017, 10:00:47 am »
gogators: I posted a link on the first page.  It was actually the title of the latest season of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." 

Mr. DeMartino. I can't tell if you're just presenting a parody of a real man, or you're that kind of keyboard warrior that stares studiously at the ground when other foreigners are in the vicinity.  Either way a man  (or adult as I'm sure you meant to say) is comfortable doing what they believe is correct.  I believe that if I've been invited out with Koreans (which is the majority of my social outings these days) that speaking only native level Korean for hours at a time is unenjoyable and impolite.  Thus, I am comfortable as an adult making the decision to part ways.  It's not a hweisik or wedding.  It's a SOCIAL outing. 


  • lazerbullet
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Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #28 on: April 13, 2017, 10:05:41 am »
Lazerbullet:  You have no problem sitting around with people who are talking amongst themselves and giving you token attention, then that's your call.  Instead of complaining, I'm just honest and get up and move on. It has lead to where I don't have to deal with it for an evening and the Koreans I spend the majority of my free time with these days are much more aware and inclusive.  I don't stay and whine.  Not sure how my being a laffriot comes into play in a situation where I'm just sitting there twiddling thumbs and looking for distraction.

Just joshing you mate. tbh maybe I am jealous of your decisiveness in social situations  8)


Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #29 on: April 13, 2017, 10:37:47 am »
I believe that if I've been invited out with Koreans (which is the majority of my social outings these days) that speaking only native level Korean for hours at a time is unenjoyable and impolite.  Thus, I am comfortable as an adult making the decision to part ways.  It's not a hweisik or wedding.  It's a SOCIAL outing.

Koreans speaking Korean in Korea. The shock and horror.

Funny, none of my friends from other countries back home moaned that everyone spoke English for hours at a time instead of their native Farsi or Korean or Thai or Romanian.

If you grow up around people of other cultures you'll get used to that experience. You take it as an opportunity to listen and observe. You might actually learn some things. Instead of demanding to be the center of attention, you can ask your friend "What's he talking about?" and then comment in English upon his point. Your friend will likely translate it to his friends and then you might get some nods, maybe a shot glass raised. Or maybe if they're debating something you ask some questions, maybe getting them to explain some elements of their debate, which can help move the debate along. A good question is often better than some random comment.

If two of my friends break into a conversation about neuroscience or mountain biking or they speak in Spanish about something or some TV show or movie you don't care about, you don't get upset that they don't talk about what you're into and then leave and declare them rude. That's called being able to sit at the adults table and listen and have patience and carry on a conversation as an adult.

Now there's always a point where it's "eff this I'm off." But people simply speaking in another language or about something that doesn't interest you doesn't make them rude. You can't be an impatient child that has trouble going 2 hours without being the center of attention and can't deal with people speaking in a different language.

Here's another thing, sometimes with westerners, particularly caucasian ones, being invited out to that sort of thing is a bit of a test as they often have a tendency to attempt to be the center of attention and not going with the flow (i.e. changing the radio station from Old School R&B and putting on WRIF rocks while everyone is playing dominoes). Can you hang? Can you chill? Remember, it's you joining the group, not the group joining you. That second or third time you're invited out, things often change. Suddenly that dude who didn't speak any English actually does. Maybe they decide that they want to go to a foreigner bar instead of a pocha. Next thing you know, you're hitting up ballgames and you're going to the club and they're bringing chicks, one of whom they're looking to set you up with.

It takes longer, but it's often more rewarding.


  • OnNut81
  • Expert Waygook

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    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
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Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #30 on: April 13, 2017, 11:48:15 am »
Demartino: Now there's always a point where it's "eff this I'm off." But people simply speaking in another language or about something that doesn't interest you doesn't make them rude. You can't be an impatient child that has trouble going 2 hours without being the center of attention and can't deal with people speaking in a different language.

Here's another thing, sometimes with westerners, particularly caucasian ones, being invited out to that sort of thing is a bit of a test as they often have a tendency to attempt to be the center of attention and not going with the flow (i.e. changing the radio station from Old School R&B and putting on WRIF rocks while everyone is playing dominoes). Can you hang? Can you chill? Remember, it's you joining the group, not the group joining you. That second or third time you're invited out, things often change. Suddenly that dude who didn't speak any English actually does. Maybe they decide that they want to go to a foreigner bar instead of a pocha. Next thing you know, you're hitting up ballgames and you're going to the club and they're bringing chicks, one of whom they're looking to set you up with.

It takes longer, but it's often more rewarding.


Yikes, is your dance card that empty?  I'm not reliant on Koreans for my meeting a girl. For privayes, yeah.  I have a group of Koreans I regularly meet up with every week.  I choose to enjoy their company. They don't ignore me for two hours at a time. That would be unacceptable by any cultures standards for a social outing when you're a key part of the group.  I'm guessing your other option for the evening would be sitting here on a Saturday hoping someone posts an 18 page contract for you to comb through.

I would never let a Korean or a Thai join my group outing if I wasn't going to make the effort to include them.  People with confident social skills can facilitate an evening out with mixed language participants.  I usually only imbibe a couple of nights a week.  If I head out with people I want to be social.  If not, I'd be happier in a different setting.  Quite the contrary to Demartino, I don't feel the need to be out with others just for the sake of it. Enduring being shut out because that's what a man does, and if I'm good, maybe they'll introduce me to a lady! Fist bumps!  Sounds lonely.


  • reifoo87
  • Veteran

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    • June 04, 2013, 02:10:55 pm
    • South Korea
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #31 on: April 13, 2017, 11:52:28 am »
Just ask your friend what they are talking about? Before I could understand Korean, I'm sure I annoyed the hell out of my Korean friends for always trying to participate but hey, it'll improve your Korean and you can really get to know your friends better! I don't want to sound like an ass but you are in Korea, if you want to talk strictly in English, don't make Korean friends?


  • zola
  • The Legend

    • 2743

    • September 30, 2012, 06:56:11 am
    • Korea
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #32 on: April 13, 2017, 12:12:42 pm »
Here's another thing, sometimes with westerners, particularly caucasian ones, being invited out to that sort of thing is a bit of a test as they often have a tendency to attempt to be the center of attention and not going with the flow (i.e. changing the radio station from Old School R&B and putting on WRIF rocks while everyone is playing dominoes). Can you hang? Can you chill? Remember, it's you joining the group, not the group joining you. That second or third time you're invited out, things often change. Suddenly that dude who didn't speak any English actually does. Maybe they decide that they want to go to a foreigner bar instead of a pocha. Next thing you know, you're hitting up ballgames and you're going to the club and they're bringing chicks, one of whom they're looking to set you up with.
It's almost as though all of your ideas about social interactions come from movies and tv shows, not real life. :shocked:
Kpip! - Martin 2018


  • The Arm
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    • March 09, 2015, 09:15:02 am
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #33 on: April 13, 2017, 01:11:30 pm »
Wow, it suddenly just hit me.  I didn't realise this until his name popped up in another thread...

Mr.DeMartino, I've never come across anyone SO DESPERATE to be Gavin McInnes as you. 

I used to think you were quite interesting because even though I don't agree with you on some things, you always seem to have your own opinion on any topic.  But you don't do you?  You steal everything wholesale from McInnes then pedal it on here as your own material.

I love Gavin McInnes but we know that it's tongue in cheek for the most part.  The difference is though, I think you truely believe the stuff you say here, without a wink or a nod.

You genuinely believe that real men should be slamming whiskey in smoke filled dive bars.  That you're not a real man until you've had the sh*t beaten out of you or beaten the sh*t out of someone else, right?  That you're only a real man once you've experienced hanging out with drug addicts or ex-cons.  Real life isn't non stop beer and raising shot glasses.

Like Zola said, the way you think about social interactions comes straight from movies and TV (and McInnes of course).  Nothing you've said in this thread is remotely related to real life, only the cartoon universe you're living in.

You're not Gavin McInnes.  This endless pastiche is embarrassing.


  • OnNut81
  • Expert Waygook

    • 825

    • April 01, 2011, 03:01:41 pm
    • Anyang
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #34 on: April 13, 2017, 01:14:26 pm »
#basedcowboyshirt   Don't infer.  Make a point. 
 I respond to what I consider inconsiderate behaviourwith directness.  I wouldn't make a post or ask others what I should do.  When people ask why I'm on the phone or why I'm leaving I tell them.  The people I spoke to this way are people whose work places, homes, and vacation times I've shared over several years.  There's no need to be anything but direct in my opinion.  That's how behaviour is corrected, or you realise the dynamic is not for you.  You can hem and haw all you want.  Not how I handle it.  I think The Arm had a reasonable expectation when he met up with his friend to not being excluded. 


Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #35 on: April 13, 2017, 02:30:02 pm »
Wow, it suddenly just hit me.  I didn't realise this until his name popped up in another thread...

Mr.DeMartino, I've never come across anyone SO DESPERATE to be Gavin McInnes as you. 

I used to think you were quite interesting because even though I don't agree with you on some things, you always seem to have your own opinion on any topic.  But you don't do you?  You steal everything wholesale from McInnes then pedal it on here as your own material.

I love Gavin McInnes but we know that it's tongue in cheek for the most part.  The difference is though, I think you truely believe the stuff you say here, without a wink or a nod.

You genuinely believe that real men should be slamming whiskey in smoke filled dive bars.  That you're not a real man until you've had the sh*t beaten out of you or beaten the sh*t out of someone else, right?  That you're only a real man once you've experienced hanging out with drug addicts or ex-cons.  Real life isn't non stop beer and raising shot glasses.

Like Zola said, the way you think about social interactions comes straight from movies and TV (and McInnes of course).  Nothing you've said in this thread is remotely related to real life, only the cartoon universe you're living in.

You're not Gavin McInnes.  This endless pastiche is embarrassing.

The Tom N Toms bit was obviously tongue in cheek to a degree.

But this-
Quote
Here's another thing, sometimes with westerners, particularly caucasian ones, being invited out to that sort of thing is a bit of a test as they often have a tendency to attempt to be the center of attention and not going with the flow (i.e. changing the radio station from Old School R&B and putting on WRIF rocks while everyone is playing dominoes). Can you hang? Can you chill? Remember, it's you joining the group, not the group joining you. That second or third time you're invited out, things often change. Suddenly that dude who didn't speak any English actually does. Maybe they decide that they want to go to a foreigner bar instead of a pocha. Next thing you know, you're hitting up ballgames and you're going to the club and they're bringing chicks, one of whom they're looking to set you up with.

That's 100% real life.

If you had ethnic groups of friend (of all one ethnicity or community) back home, you might know this. When you get invited in by one of your friends, it's because they've seen something in you that makes them think you can chill with everyone. Heck it doesn't have to be racial. It can be a scene. The understanding is that you're going to be able to go with the flow and dig what EVERYONE ELSE is in and that they aren't going to have to stop being who they are just to make you feel welcome.

It's like they're all spaghetti and maybe they want to add in some steak on the side, what they don't want is for the spaghetti to become the side dish to the steak. The problem is some people try to turn it into the steak when they enter a group like that. When they don't respond they get mad that these people who are all spaghetti like something else.

They don't ignore me for two hours at a time. That would be unacceptable by any cultures standards for a social outing when you're a key part of the group.

Quote
When I get into that situation when I'm out with my GF and some of her family our friends (or random Koreans that get dragged into the equation on a night out) I usually just get on my phone and ignore them.

Basically you're expecting everyone to entertain you, but you don't feel any obligation to join in with them.

Quote
I would never let a Korean or a Thai join my group outing if I wasn't going to make the effort to include them.

So are you going to bust out in Korean or Thai? Don't they also have to make an effort to participate just as you have to make an effort to participate when with a bunch of Koreans?

It's not that hard. Talk about sports or cars or movies or something. There's a lot of common ground there.

Quote
Enduring being shut out because that's what a man does, and if I'm good, maybe they'll introduce me to a lady!

You're mistaking a cherry on top for the sundae. The girl isn't the goal, it's just something that comes along from being able to chill with a different group of people.

It's not about being shut out. It's about if your chilling with your friend and a couple of his friends join later on and either they speak in Russian or they talk about something that's not an interest of yours, you don't just shut down, leave, and blame them for not including you in the conversation. Like I said there's several ways to handle that without being an anti-social nutcase- watch the game, ask one to play a game of darts or pool, listen and try and join in, whatever.

Maybe he invited his friend out because he was having a shit day. Or the dude is about to get married and he had to make time for both of you. Or he just happened to be in the area and when he gets there, it turns out him and his girl just broke up. Whatever. It's okay to not be the center of attention or have the conversation revolve around you for an hour or two.


  • Mister Tim
  • Hero of Waygookistan

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    • September 08, 2013, 10:33:54 am
    • SK
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #36 on: April 13, 2017, 02:39:43 pm »
There is a fair amount of middle ground between "center of attention" and "ignored completely." Wanting to be included doesn't have to mean clamoring for attention.

Just putting that out there.


  • yirj17
  • The Legend

    • 2782

    • September 16, 2015, 02:23:16 am
    • Korealand
Re: What are the rules?!!
« Reply #37 on: April 13, 2017, 03:17:41 pm »
There is a fair amount of middle ground between "center of attention" and "ignored completely." Wanting to be included doesn't have to mean clamoring for attention.

Just putting that out there.


Mister Tim, you sound like a man of moderation. 

...quite unlike some of the extremists here.