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Author Topic: The hilarious things students say to you....  (Read 294207 times)

Offline terivinix

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #380 on: October 19, 2011, 03:01:59 PM »
One of my part-time jobs is editing people's writing online. Over the years I've had some pretty amazing typos.

-"i can be a person who kills two births with one stone" (Obviously meant "two birds," but this metaphor works even better.)

-"There are foreshore. We caught small crap. My children played so hard. But there was not many crap." (about a trip to the beach, where you can see carp.)

-"Today was raining. I don't like rain so much.
Because I feel not so good about that day's humidity. My jeans are wet. My bag and pipe is wet, too." (Bag and pipe? I hope this person is a Scotsman.)

-"There is a small garden in their back side."
(That's what you get for not having back yards.)

-"I stole the chickennuggit from my roommate. While I fled from him I choked on chicken."
(This was a translation drill. The original phrase was, of course, "I choked on the chicken nugget.")

-"Ironically, the most expensive things in my car are my Methmatics books, which are not stolen. That thief may not be a budding Mathematician." (This was also a translation drill. I would imagine a methmatics book would be valuable. Oddly, the student didn't have any trouble spelling "mathematician.")

-"I work more than 40 hours a week, take an evening course. Meanwhile, my bone is growing." (I really can't explain this one.)

-"This is the incontinent truth that we don't even feel like thinking about." (Inconvenient truth?)

-"Sometime, some testes will be come to them." (Gotta love the tests/testes error.)

-"Today wasn't a very good day because I have 4 testes today." (I warned you, didn't I?)

-"In a computer game, you will have to manage a group of slacker employees at a reproduction shop." (This was a translation drill. The "reproduction shop" was supposed to be a copy shop, not some sort of sex venue.)

-"I have a dream. Actually serevral dreams.
Those are the followings. My dreams of 2008!! There are 4 goals. First, lose my weight about 7kg to be able to wear mini skirt. Second, enter the graduate shool for English translation. Third, meet my ideal half who make true and pure love with me." (I didn't think she could top the Martin Luther King quote, but that last line made it all worthwhile.)

Offline jisun

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #381 on: October 20, 2011, 10:42:35 AM »
My 5th graders are reviewing the dialogue from the beginning of lesson 11.  As they all recite it amongst themselves, I pick up on one boy who is . . . shall we say . . . enhancing things.

"Ann!  Where the hell are you? / I'm here. / What the f*ck are you doing? / I'm washing my damn hands."

I asked him if he has an older brother who is teaching him this language.  He said, "No, but I watch many English movies."  I told him that he's very good at bad words, but he can't say them in my class any more.

Offline makeshiftb0y

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #382 on: October 21, 2011, 09:11:24 AM »
I walk into class and see a student with a cast on his arm, so my female co-teacher and I ask what happened.

Students friends: (Pointing at him and laughing) He ride bike and looking at girl! (and make a falling motion with their hands)
Student: No, no, no!
Me: So, what really happened then?
Student: I just fell.
(Co-teacher walks away)
Student: ......I was looking at girl.

Offline Jozigirl

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #383 on: October 21, 2011, 08:57:05 PM »
My second graders (HS) write weekly journals.  A student wrote an entry about her mid-term exams expressing her disappointment in certain results:

"My Chinese lover gave me two difficult excrements so I couldn't make 100."

Offline travelinpantsgirl

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #384 on: October 21, 2011, 10:29:02 PM »
This is not original or too funny, but...
From a 3rd grade girl (elementary) who has practiced telling me she loves me, but not much else says(while playing with my hair),
"_____Teacher, you color hair, right?" And then when I told her no, she look completely confused and said in Korean, "I don't why Korean people all have the same color hair." Haha. Her reaction was funny, because when said the Korean part in a kind of mumble grumble...haha. I think what I find more funny about it, is I've been teaching this 3rd grade for their whole school duration, and they were enthusiastic when I met them but not really curious about me, like the previous 3rd grade was, and now 8 mos later they're fascinated.
Ignoranţa este adesea o boală fatal şi cretin nu poate fi vindecata.

Offline rookiewaygook

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #385 on: October 23, 2011, 05:49:05 PM »
It was sports day on Friday. Each team had signs they would hold up, but this one was the best.

It should say something along the lines of, "If we win, we'll share our porn with you."

Offline aloe

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #386 on: October 25, 2011, 12:21:57 PM »
"Would you do me a favor?" class turned into repeated  "Would you do me...." because they have a hard time remembering the word favor.  I felt a little scared teaching them that haha.

Offline mumu

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #387 on: October 26, 2011, 01:33:16 PM »
Teacher: What do you want to get this Christmas?
Student: I want to get Santa.

Offline theTazz

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #388 on: October 27, 2011, 11:28:55 AM »
A page in Student 1's book is torn, meaning he can't complete the writing exercise because half the page is missing. I respond with exaggerated shock, "What is this?? Why?"

Student 2: "Is running. Book is running." Makes running motions.

Me: "Really? The <book> was running?"

Student 2: "Yes. Book is crazy."

Offline lady.with.a.fan

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #389 on: October 27, 2011, 12:11:33 PM »
i teach at a boys high school. they are very advanced and they study allllllllll the time so they're tired and generally sleep during my class. so i joke with them a lot ok this period! we sleep! so one class i tried my oh so funny joke and a kid looks up at me, trying to practice his english in earnest, and says "yes! we sleep together!" ooooooh well... not quite...

Offline ArmoredButterfly

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #390 on: October 28, 2011, 08:01:34 AM »
One of my higher level middle school boys talking to me before class:

"Teacher, I sold my soul."
"You what?"
"I sold my soul."
 "Umm.. ok. . Did you get a lot of money for it?"
"No teacher. Free."
"You gave it for free?"
"Yes."
"To who?"
"My girlfriend."
"Oh, because you love her so much?"
"No teacher. She make me. She very evil."
 
I very quickly went from "Awww how cute" to "Wait..WHAT?"


Offline Kev20

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #391 on: October 28, 2011, 08:41:45 AM »
Speaking Test Question: What did you do for your Birthday?
Correct Answer: I ate out with my family.
Actual Student Answer: I ate my family.  :laugh:

Offline coolguyjep

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #392 on: October 31, 2011, 01:09:07 PM »
These posts have really made my day. Absolutely Comical!

Offline makeshiftb0y

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #393 on: October 31, 2011, 02:16:21 PM »
Speaking test prompt:  You are making an exercise plan...

Me: Hi. What are you doing?
Student: (looking confused) ...I'm taking a speaking test.


Speaking test prompt:  You are on the internet looking for an e-pal...

Me: Hi. Whare you doing on the internet?
Student: Oh, I'm looking for an e-pal.
Me: Oh, really? Why do you want an e-pal?
Student: I want to make e-pal friends with a girl, and I hope to meet her and make love to her.

Offline jisun

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #394 on: November 02, 2011, 01:17:41 PM »
My 6th grade, lesson 12 worksheet has a Secret Code section.  One of the answers works out to "Will you help me do the dishes?"  As I walked around the room looking at the students' work, I noticed one boy had erased and re-written until the paper wore thin.  His current attempt: "Will you help me do the teacher?"

Offline Ytse Jam

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #395 on: November 02, 2011, 02:17:31 PM »
The two best ones I got today were...

"Teacher, the day before yesterday is Halloween, so give me candy."

And while teaching a lesson on how to give directions...
Me: "How do you get from the book store to the theater?"
Student: "Take a taxi."

Offline Mlatte

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #396 on: November 03, 2011, 03:11:00 PM »
I was teaching the form of "I should..." on Powerpoint.  There was a slide that came up with a girl crying and a thought cap on the top of her saying "I don't have any friends, what should I do?"  Immediately, the boy that speaks the best English in my class loudly states, "She should kill herself!"  ???  Never the less, I was completely mortified and did not know what to say next.  :'(

Offline lindsaydp1

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #397 on: November 04, 2011, 02:59:23 PM »
Here is my blog post about the speaking tests I did this week. It's a collection of quotes, mostly hilarious!

http://annyongchingu.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-students-butchered-english-to-mince.html

Offline Yu_Bumsuk

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #398 on: November 04, 2011, 03:13:52 PM »
'Can you send me to toilet'?

Offline notinKS

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Re: Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!
« Reply #399 on: November 04, 2011, 08:14:39 PM »
We did a Halloween fill-in-the-blanks bingo for a culture lesson this week. One of the words was moon, and instead of saying the word, I pointed to my co-teacher whose last name is Mun. However, instead of saying moon, one of the kids yelled "FRANKENSTEIN!!!" at the top of his lungs. Luckily, she's an awesome teacher and has a really good sense of humor!