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Author Topic: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?  (Read 13247 times)

Offline SuperDoodle23

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Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« on: September 29, 2015, 08:35:15 PM »
Edit: Problem fixed. I ran for the hills.  ;D
« Last Edit: December 18, 2018, 07:53:10 AM by SuperDoodle23 »

Offline Action Jackson

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2015, 09:15:00 PM »
The only issues I've had is that they wish I spoke Korean better so they could really talk to me, and the mother tries to feed me way too much.

Offline pigeonfart

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2015, 10:09:13 PM »
Sorry to hear about your situation. Your girlfriends mother is what they would call in Germany a "kunt."

There's very little you can do about that. Let's just hope she steps out in front of a bus.

Online plan b

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2015, 10:24:00 PM »
Your girlfriends mom expects her future husband to pay the complete cost of the housing unit..You might find that difficult on 2m a month! The guys burden is a high one in this country.

Offline lobotronic

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2015, 10:43:41 PM »
OP you need to make a big decision. moms like her will NEVER EVER let you forget that you don't make any money. she will complain about you to her friends, weep and sigh over how "bad" you are for her daughter. until the day one of you dies, she will never stop talking about your inability to make money.

in western countries, you can be the "jerk" and simply limit contact to toxic in-laws. but you literally cannot do that in Korea. when you marry into a Korean family, the in-laws are ALWAYS THERE. so you need to decided NOW if you your girlfriend is worth putting up with a snobby bitch of a mother in law.

my boyfriend's parents are down-to-earth poor farmers from rural Korea. they're super chill and value family harmony, hard work, and simple happiness over money. they love me and I love them. I sometimes visit them just to see his mom, and not my boyfriend  (he gets so angry when his mom and I joke around about him, hahaha~ )

the reality of this country is that LOTS of people are all about money and status. but some are not. are you ready to live with that kind of status-hungry idiot for the rest of your life?

I know this seems over the top but it really is a serious problem. I don't know if you realize just how bad it's going to get once you're chained to that family.
Marriage in Korea is not you+ your wife building a new family of your own. It's you entering your wife's family and having to deal with all their shit. Seriously. Think hard and talk to your girlfriend seriously about this.

also, if you plan to stay in Korea long-term, consider opening a hagwon or finding a different job, because trust me, 20 years from now you won't be happy just working the same 2 mill basic job, and raising kids on that income is NOT a fun thing to do.

Offline coffeesmith

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2015, 11:27:02 PM »
OP you need to make a big decision. moms like her will NEVER EVER let you forget that you don't make any money. she will complain about you to her friends, weep and sigh over how "bad" you are for her daughter. until the day one of you dies, she will never stop talking about your inability to make money.

in western countries, you can be the "jerk" and simply limit contact to toxic in-laws. but you literally cannot do that in Korea. when you marry into a Korean family, the in-laws are ALWAYS THERE. so you need to decided NOW if you your girlfriend is worth putting up with a snobby bitch of a mother in law.

my boyfriend's parents are down-to-earth poor farmers from rural Korea. they're super chill and value family harmony, hard work, and simple happiness over money. they love me and I love them. I sometimes visit them just to see his mom, and not my boyfriend  (he gets so angry when his mom and I joke around about him, hahaha~ )

the reality of this country is that LOTS of people are all about money and status. but some are not. are you ready to live with that kind of status-hungry idiot for the rest of your life?

I know this seems over the top but it really is a serious problem. I don't know if you realize just how bad it's going to get once you're chained to that family.
Marriage in Korea is not you+ your wife building a new family of your own. It's you entering your wife's family and having to deal with all their shit. Seriously. Think hard and talk to your girlfriend seriously about this.

also, if you plan to stay in Korea long-term, consider opening a hagwon or finding a different job, because trust me, 20 years from now you won't be happy just working the same 2 mill basic job, and raising kids on that income is NOT a fun thing to do.

+1. Sounds like a lifetime of headache. Is she worth it OP?

Online eggieguffer

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2015, 06:01:36 AM »
Quote
in western countries, you can be the "jerk" and simply limit contact to toxic in-laws. but you literally cannot do that in Korea. when you marry into a Korean family, the in-laws are ALWAYS THERE. so you need to decided NOW if you your girlfriend is worth putting up with a snobby bitch of a mother in law.

This is true if you stay in Korea but I know a few Westerners who married into toxic families like this and just moved out of the country. The wife goes back once a year on her own.

Online madison79

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2015, 06:50:27 AM »
Run.  That's all I have to say is run.  This mom will poison the well like no other, and you'll never be good enough.  The funny thing is;  I bet her mom has money issues of her own. 
Get out while you can.
It's -ev to deal with some people.

Offline sejongthefabulous

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2015, 07:37:00 AM »
Simple solution is to make more money or find a new GF. Risky solution is to ignore demands of the mother, elope and hope everything works out just fine. I would go with the risky option because why not try and eventually make the mother see things your way? She won't try so hard once her daughter is married.

Online Savant

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2015, 07:53:39 AM »
The only issues I've had is that they wish I spoke Korean better so they could really talk to me, and the mother tries to feed me way too much.

THIS x1000. I hate going around to the in-laws for dinner and getting the same food experience. Way too much food and I always get the "Don't you like [insert Korean food I don't eat but get asked every time to try it because it's so delicious]?"

Like others have said you don't just marry your GF but marry into the family.


Offline Hot6^

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2015, 07:59:48 AM »
A of this is on point, however, you are THE MAN!

So this benefits you.

Since she would marry you. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO HER MOMS EVENTS/HOLIDAYS!

Because you do it in YOUR house.

She is marrying into YOUR family.

That being said... it's not really an issue about you. If you have no problems ignoring the mom, thats fine.

The question is, will the pressure eventually break your GF.


Also, if she is a Dentist here; are you willing to live the rest of your life in Korea?

She isn't going to just jump ship on that, to go with you and not get a job.

Also, how do you plan on progressing your career here? You can't simply teach ESL in Korea forever.

What you put into Korea, is what you will get out of Korea; it will not spoon feed you.

Offline krissyboo75

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2015, 08:00:30 AM »
My Korean bf and I have been together for over a year now and his parents still don't know. He seems to be fearing the worst. The difference is that he doesn't have a job yet. Hes been trying and trying...but no dice. lobotronic has got it. It kinda sounds like a Korean drama, but its so true. Being married in Korea, I've noticed, comes with so many more obligations... My bf claims his parents will never "let him" come back to Canada with me and because he is the oldest son of his family, is responsible for all of the holidays.  I can't even decide if I want him to tell them or not.

Offline SuperDoodle23

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2015, 08:05:46 AM »
I also don't want to break up with my gf over this. I have made my gf realize from day one that I am a foreigner and that if she cannot handle the way I do things then I'm not the one for her. I told her very clearly that if we marry I will not be marrying her family and she was very agreeable to this. If anything this situation gives me an out. I may not have to sit through those awful sounding family dinners and being expected to eat things that I do not like. I don't see myself ever going over there and spending the holidays with them.

I also told my girlfriend to think very hard about who she is getting marriage advice from. My gf's dad is not in the picture anymore because her mom is a crazy kunt ( or so I have been told ) .

My girlfriend spent the holidays with her family and a few days after that her mom sent her a text demanding that she break up with me. I seen the text and she had several exclamation points in the text. She sounds like she is a bit unstable.

Offline SuperDoodle23

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2015, 08:11:01 AM »
A of this is on point, however, you are THE MAN!

So this benefits you.

Since she would marry you. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO HER MOMS EVENTS/HOLIDAYS!

Because you do it in YOUR house.

She is marrying into YOUR family.

That being said... it's not really an issue about you. If you have no problems ignoring the mom, thats fine.

The question is, will the pressure eventually break your GF.


Also, if she is a Dentist here; are you willing to live the rest of your life in Korea?

She isn't going to just jump ship on that, to go with you and not get a job.

Also, how do you plan on progressing your career here? You can't simply teach ESL in Korea forever.

I agree, I see things the same way. I think this can be a benefit to me down the road. No boring trips to my in laws etc. And you are also right about the career. Because she is a dentist I would have to spend most of my life here. That really doesn't bother me too much. With that being said I do not want to be working for 2.0 mil a won teaching kids how to say " My name is _____  " .  I want to parlay the money I make here into other things. Maybe opening up my own business or doing teaching part time just to keep income coming in. I need to research more about the culture here for many more years before even thinking of opening up a business. But it is a possibility that I may open up my own school or something like that in the distant future.

Offline Aristocrat

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2015, 08:37:24 AM »
Boys and girls, as a married man let me impart some wisdom to you:

You don't just marry your bride/groom, you marry the family and culture too, despite what she say's, OP.
If you're marrying an Indian, Korean or Chinese partner, the above statement gets injected with
800mg of steroids.

Yes, Korean girls are pretty, but be prepared for what she's most likely going to bring to the table with the relationship. If she hasn't told her mom to back off, she probably won't anytime soon.

Personally, I'd never get involved with a Korean, way too much drama and hassle for a simple guy like me. If you're dead set on her, you're going to have to give her an ultimatum.

The relationship is on hold until she tells her mother to back off and let her make her own choices, she's employed with a good job for goodness sake, her mother has no financial hold over her. People grow and your partner might just grow and mature enough to take charge of her life, so give her that opportunity. The ball's in her court.

Offline SuperDoodle23

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2015, 08:42:39 AM »
Boys and girls, as a married man let me impart some wisdom to you:

You don't just marry your bride/groom, you marry the family and culture too, despite what she say's, OP.
If you're marrying an Indian, Korean or Chinese partner, the above statement gets injected with
800mg of steroids.

Yes, Korean girls are pretty, but be prepared for what she's most likely going to bring to the table with the relationship. If she hasn't told her mom to back off, she probably won't anytime soon.

Personally, I'd never get involved with a Korean, way too much drama and hassle for a simple guy like me. If you're dead set on her, you're going to have to give her an ultimatum.

The relationship is on hold until she tells her mother to back off and let her make her own choices, she's employed with a good job for goodness sake, her mother has no financial hold over her. People grow and your partner might just grow and mature enough to take charge of her life, so give her that opportunity. The ball's in her court.

I think this is good advice. I have kinda done the opposite because she just told her mom the news fairly recently. I don't want her to have to choose between her mom and me. It's not yet time to go that route yet. But before we get married she is going to have to stand her ground before I even think of marriage. My gf is very reluctant to express her feelings. She keeps a lot of emotions bottled up. I don't think her mom even realizes what a kunt she has been acting because my gf never tells her.

Offline atemporaryaccount

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2015, 08:49:38 AM »
I also don't want to break up with my gf over this. I have made my gf realize from day one that I am a foreigner and that if she cannot handle the way I do things then I'm not the one for her. I told her very clearly that if we marry I will not be marrying her family and she was very agreeable to this. If anything this situation gives me an out. I may not have to sit through those awful sounding family dinners and being expected to eat things that I do not like. I don't see myself ever going over there and spending the holidays with them.

I also told my girlfriend to think very hard about who she is getting marriage advice from. My gf's dad is not in the picture anymore because her mom is a crazy kunt ( or so I have been told ) .

My girlfriend spent the holidays with her family and a few days after that her mom sent her a text demanding that she break up with me. I seen the text and she had several exclamation points in the text. She sounds like she is a bit unstable.

Yeah, seems like there's a lot of anxiety/depression in the family? It's not cool that she's so down on you, but maybe stop thinking of her as a "crazy k***" and start thinking of her as someone who might have some kind of disorder?

Still not cool of her to be down on you. And still it makes living with her hard.

She lives with a pharmacist and doctor, which means she's probably alone a lot?

I wonder under what circumstances her husband left, really.

I'm just suggesting that you look at this from a slightly different point of view.  If she's just money-obsessed and mean, then ignoring her is a good approach. And your gf seems OK with that. But if she's extremely anxious or something, like if it's in her head, like if she needs to be taken care of, then it might be harder for you to marry her and not also marry into the family.

Offline Aristocrat

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #17 on: September 30, 2015, 09:00:20 AM »
Boys and girls, as a married man let me impart some wisdom to you:

You don't just marry your bride/groom, you marry the family and culture too, despite what she say's, OP.
If you're marrying an Indian, Korean or Chinese partner, the above statement gets injected with
800mg of steroids.

Yes, Korean girls are pretty, but be prepared for what she's most likely going to bring to the table with the relationship. If she hasn't told her mom to back off, she probably won't anytime soon.

Personally, I'd never get involved with a Korean, way too much drama and hassle for a simple guy like me. If you're dead set on her, you're going to have to give her an ultimatum.

The relationship is on hold until she tells her mother to back off and let her make her own choices, she's employed with a good job for goodness sake, her mother has no financial hold over her. People grow and your partner might just grow and mature enough to take charge of her life, so give her that opportunity. The ball's in her court.

I think this is good advice. I have kinda done the opposite because she just told her mom the news fairly recently. I don't want her to have to choose between her mom and me. It's not yet time to go that route yet. But before we get married she is going to have to stand her ground before I even think of marriage. My gf is very reluctant to express her feelings. She keeps a lot of emotions bottled up. I don't think her mom even realizes what a kunt she has been acting because my gf never tells her.

So you think, but remember this is a different culture. BF and GF is for the school years. Once a woman hits 30, she no longer has her the luxury to be as picky as she wants. There's a good chance this is a big concern for the mother and her.
You need to make your intentions clear i.e 'If we can get this sorted out I'd like to marry you, once we've saved up X amount of money to afford our own place' or 'let's get married and move to my country, you can open a practice there.' or whatever. Have a concrete plan, these people don't want to hear if, but or maybe.

Best of luck


Online plan b

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #18 on: September 30, 2015, 11:53:13 AM »
OP:

Let me be blunt:

*Your GF is on meds
*You think she has some kind of mental problem
*Your GF gets stressed easily
*She hassles you about your apartment cleanliness, and other things she doesnt like
*She gets stressed about her English
*You say her family is anal
*You have called her mom a loon, and have been told she is a Kunt
*Your GF will have to do some education and pass some exams in your country as a Foreign trained professional if she wishes to practice dentistry(could take years)

You really want this?

Offline nomadicmadda

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Re: Anyone have any issues with your GF/BF's parents?
« Reply #19 on: September 30, 2015, 12:05:55 PM »
OP:

Let me be blunt:

*Your GF is on meds
*You think she has some kind of mental problem
*Your GF gets stressed easily
*She hassles you about your apartment cleanliness, and other things she doesnt like
*She gets stressed about her English
*You say her family is anal
*You have called her mom a loon, and have been told she is a Kunt
*Your GF will have to do some education and pass some exams in your country as a Foreign trained professional if she wishes to practice dentistry(could take years)

You really want this?

This.

OP, I know life isn't black-and-white like this, but sometimes you really do need to look at the pros and cons as simply as possible, or you'll be wavering forever.  Like you said, you guys haven't even known each other for a year, and already there are copious red flags. 

As someone who saw red flags in a relationship early on and decided to "continue dating anyway" because we got along well as friends long before we dated, I can tell you now it's not worth it.  I've grown a lot as a person from that relationship, but it was toxic and sucked away two years of my life.  I only have myself to blame as I saw very similar red flags at the start, just like you. :lipsrsealed: