May 24, 2018, 04:38:49 AM

Author Topic: Looking for some perspective?  (Read 2432 times)

Offline eggieguffer

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #60 on: May 16, 2018, 11:46:20 AM »
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I really hope you're joking about telling someone to grow up being the adult thing to do. On the off chance that you're not joking, telling people to get over going through something that is mentally stressful doesn't help the situation. If someone lost a family member, if someone had their House burn down, would you tell them to just grow up and get over it? We don't actually know what's going on in her personal life back home that could be stressing her out.

She just said she was homesick. I imagine if someone had died or a house had burned down, he would have given her different advice.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 11:49:01 AM by eggieguffer »

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #61 on: May 16, 2018, 11:58:22 AM »
You are a bad person.

Unless the OP has clinical depression that can be treated with drugs, he's basically right.

Unless we know for sure she doesn't, his advice is potentially destructive.

By that logic "Go out for a jog and see how you feel afterwards" is potentially destructive.

It is, if you don't know enough about the problem a person is suffering from or any other potential mitigating factors.

Oh for effs sake, this is a website, not a doctor's office. OP came looking for casual, amateur advice.

I guess it's potentially dangerous to share my recipe for White Bean Chicken Chili because I didn't go to chef's school and the person could burn down their house.  :rolleyes:

OP came looking for 'peer' advice.  'I'll check and see what others have done with a similar thing to me'  It sounds like homesickness, looks like homesickness, it probably is homesickness, why would you go to a Korean doctor with homesickness?  'Here's some valium'  Amazing. 

'I'm having some problems with a couple of my students, what to do?'  'Maybe try this....' 'Or this...'  'I had the same thing, so I tried this......'  Okay, 'peer' advice.  Useful first call.  Many people have been in this same position and can add helpful things or empathise.  The fact you want to be waterboarded to help you snap out of something, isn't the same for everyone.

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On the other hand if they hear someone being blunt and not coddling them, they will respond.

 :rolleyes: You truly are in your master's mould.  'Hey, maybe we should be careful with this bee's nest'  'Nah, fuuck it, let's kick it!'   :rolleyes:

Online Mr.DeMartino

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #62 on: May 16, 2018, 01:19:20 PM »
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I really hope you're joking about telling someone to grow up being the adult thing to do. On the off chance that you're not joking, telling people to get over going through something that is mentally stressful doesn't help the situation. If someone lost a family member, if someone had their House burn down, would you tell them to just grow up and get over it? We don't actually know what's going on in her personal life back home that could be stressing her out.

She just said she was homesick. I imagine if someone had died or a house had burned down, he would have given her different advice.

Seriously. We're talking homesickness advice on the internet, not profound clinical depression or schizophrenia.

Online Mr.DeMartino

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #63 on: May 16, 2018, 01:20:11 PM »
See? I can try to use the rational part of my brain!

I think everything you wrote was pretty fair. I think your point stands well enough on its onw and I see no reason to complain.

Offline zola

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #64 on: May 16, 2018, 01:22:39 PM »
I don't think there is anything majorly wrong with telling someone to buck up. It's just that Martin always goes too far and adds his own social commentary and analysis that he has proven so many times in the past that he knows absolutley nothing about.
Kpip! - Martin 2018

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #65 on: May 16, 2018, 01:29:53 PM »
It's just that Martin always goes too far and adds his own social commentary and analysis that he has proven so many times in the past that he knows absolutley nothing about.

Correct, it's like Pecan..... wait a second......it's exactly like Pecan......hmmmmmmm.....






Offline AMDC

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #66 on: May 16, 2018, 01:32:37 PM »
This thread turned into a real cockfight.

It's amazing that you all can turn any thread into one about yourselves and your grandiose opinions.


Anyways, hang in there OP. Get a social net but don't exhaust yourself with a busy schedule, free time is important (Netflix, etc is your friend).

If after the 6 month mark you're still crying everyday and hating life, I would suggest going home. Good on you for coming here, trying something new, and making the effort; it was certainly an experience of learning/growth either way.

Offline Mister Tim

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #67 on: May 16, 2018, 01:34:09 PM »
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I really hope you're joking about telling someone to grow up being the adult thing to do. On the off chance that you're not joking, telling people to get over going through something that is mentally stressful doesn't help the situation. If someone lost a family member, if someone had their House burn down, would you tell them to just grow up and get over it? We don't actually know what's going on in her personal life back home that could be stressing her out.

She just said she was homesick. I imagine if someone had died or a house had burned down, he would have given her different advice.

Seriously. We're talking homesickness advice on the internet, not profound clinical depression or schizophrenia.

It's possible there might a difference in how people are seeing what she wrote, potentially based on the degree to which they've experienced depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues themselves.

I understand that she is talking about homesickness, which on its own doesn't sound like a big deal, but the way she worded some things make me think it's more significant than the typical "First time away from home, missing my family"-type stuf:

The problem is, that I'm absolutely miserable. I cry every single day - to the point of almost throwing up sometimes. I've started having some thoughts that are worrying me too.

I don't really think crying that much and to that extent is a normal symptom of homesickness on its own, but I don't know how far outside acceptable parameters for homesickness is, so I'll focus instead on the part I bolded.

I'm willing to admit that I might just be reading too much into it, but "having some thoughts that are worrying me" sounds like an admission of thoughts of self-harm or even suicide. That's the part the set off alarm bells for me, and it might just be the Suicide Prevention training I received in the military rearing it's head, but it's what makes me want to approach things with caution.

It's possible that it isn't really that bad, but it's also possible that there is a potentially serious problem brewing here, and I believe the wiser course of action is to avoid things that seem like we're trying to diminish her problems, or that might imply that being unable to deal with them at present suggests a personal shortcoming.

Again, I might be reading too much into it, or being overly cautions, or even coddling her too much. I just personally think that, when it comes to potentially harmful mental issues, "better safe than sorry" is the right tack.

OP: I apologize if I'm reading way too much into things or putting words in your mouth. Just please, if you're in a position to do so, find a trained professional with whom to communicate about your problems.

Offline oglop

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #68 on: May 16, 2018, 01:47:15 PM »
is mr.demartino a gammon, like i keep hearing about recently?

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #69 on: May 16, 2018, 01:52:22 PM »
is mr.demartino a gammon, like i keep hearing about recently?

I had to google that...

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Gammon

(Noun/mass noun): A term used to describe a particular type of Brexit-voting, middle-aged white male, whose meat-faced complexion suggests they are perilously close to a stroke.

The term 'gammon' is linked to the unhealthy pink skin tone of such stout yeomen, probably because of high blood pressure caused by decades of 'PC gone mad', being defeated in arguments about the non-existent merits of Brexit and women getting the vote.

Gammon often make their appearance on BBC's Question Time jabbing their porcine fingers at the camera while demanding immediate nuclear strikes against Remain-voting areas, people who eat vegetables and/or cyclists.

When gammon appears en masse it is often referred to as a "wall of gammon".

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gammon

As usual Oglop, perfectly on point.  ;D

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #70 on: May 16, 2018, 01:58:00 PM »
Thank you everyone for your input! I really wasn't expecting so many understanding and helpful answers!

I think one of the reasons I'm so thrown off by this is that this isn't my first time abroad. I am definitely planning on sticking it out until at least 6 months. I'm going away again the next two weekends, but after that, I'll try to take it a little easier for a while.

Thank you again, and if anyone has any more advice, please keep it coming! At the moment, it feels like these next few months are going to be very difficult!

Good to hear OP.  I think that having a supportive cool school with good co-teachers and students who you enjoy being with will help you no end.  Especially, as that is main reason to be here.  What you build outside of that is a bonus.   :-*

Offline Kaynadian

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #71 on: May 16, 2018, 02:18:34 PM »
Why are immigrants/Koreans all in NYC/LA/Vancouver?

The same damn reason most of us are in Busan or Seoul and we all hang out in Itaewon and no one wants to live and work in some BFE town in Gangwondo.

Duh.

Are people seriously asking this?

Speak for yourself. I live in one of this "BFE" towns in Gangwondo and quite enjoy it. I couldn't handle the constant noise and pollution in one of Korea's major cities.

Offline daktariB

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #72 on: May 16, 2018, 02:51:27 PM »
Why are immigrants/Koreans all in NYC/LA/Vancouver?

The same damn reason most of us are in Busan or Seoul and we all hang out in Itaewon and no one wants to live and work in some BFE town in Gangwondo.

Duh.

Are people seriously asking this?

Speak for yourself. I live in one of this "BFE" towns in Gangwondo and quite enjoy it. I couldn't handle the constant noise and pollution in one of Korea's major cities.

Forreal, I live in a "BFE" town in Chungcheongnam-Do, no KTX, no trains/subway, just buses that take minimum 2 hours to get to a big city and I absolutely love where I live. No complaints.

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #73 on: May 16, 2018, 02:53:34 PM »
Why are immigrants/Koreans all in NYC/LA/Vancouver?

The same damn reason most of us are in Busan or Seoul and we all hang out in Itaewon and no one wants to live and work in some BFE town in Gangwondo.

Duh.

Are people seriously asking this?

Speak for yourself. I live in one of this "BFE" towns in Gangwondo and quite enjoy it. I couldn't handle the constant noise and pollution in one of Korea's major cities.

Forreal, I live in a "BFE" town in Chungcheongnam-Do, no KTX, no trains/subway, just buses that take minimum 2 hours to get to a big city and I absolutely love where I live. No complaints.

If I was to hazard a guess, it would be a city that begins with 'S' and has an E Mart.  :undecided:

Offline eggieguffer

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #74 on: May 16, 2018, 03:06:32 PM »
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Forreal, I live in a "BFE" town in Chungcheongnam-Do, no KTX, no trains/subway, just buses that take minimum 2 hours to get to a big city and I absolutely love where I live. No complaints.

He did say 'most of us' but just to make it clear I feel another poll coming on

Offline eggieguffer

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #75 on: May 16, 2018, 06:22:01 PM »
is mr.demartino a gammon, like i keep hearing about recently?

I had to google that...

Quote
Gammon

(Noun/mass noun): A term used to describe a particular type of Brexit-voting, middle-aged white male, whose meat-faced complexion suggests they are perilously close to a stroke.

The term 'gammon' is linked to the unhealthy pink skin tone of such stout yeomen, probably because of high blood pressure caused by decades of 'PC gone mad', being defeated in arguments about the non-existent merits of Brexit and women getting the vote.

Gammon often make their appearance on BBC's Question Time jabbing their porcine fingers at the camera while demanding immediate nuclear strikes against Remain-voting areas, people who eat vegetables and/or cyclists.

When gammon appears en masse it is often referred to as a "wall of gammon".

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gammon

As usual Oglop, perfectly on point.  ;D

Yes,  middle aged white males the current lowest hanging fruit and easiest target. It's not surprising that when talking about the demography of Brexit voters they wouldn't go into regional or class differences as that might offend someone who, in their eyes, matters.

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Gammon often make their appearance on BBC's Question Time

Not sure that kind of person would be allowed on QT these days. The type they usually let on are those who can tell some personal anecdote showing how much they know/care about something, followed by a plea to the government to spend more money on whatever it is, followed by a reminder that ordinary people are still paying for the bankers' greed, followed by rapturous applause. 

Personally when I watch QT I don't really pay attention to what the audience looks like, how old they are or what gender they are, just the arguments they put forward. Should I be paying more attention to these things?

Feel free to call me a gammon (isn't it uncountable, so should be a slice of gammon?) though I don't have a red face, didn't vote Brexit and am probably not in modern parlance, middle aged.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 08:28:18 PM by eggieguffer »

Offline oglop

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #76 on: May 16, 2018, 08:29:20 PM »
well, 'a ham' can be countable, so i guess gammon could be too

it's a dumb label, but no more stupid than when people call other people 'snowflakes', and the whole 'millennial' stereotype has also been done to death

seems like exactly the kind of soundbite that martino spouts constantly, telling people to 'man up' about depression, stop being 'snowflakes' and 'grow up' about sharing communal food. in fact, i imagine him sitting at his computer, gammon-faced, shaking with rage with blood pressure through the roof, any time someone mentions that they don't wear smart shoes to work, or that somebody enjoyed a film he didn't

Offline eggieguffer

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #77 on: May 16, 2018, 08:31:40 PM »
well, 'a ham' can be countable, so i guess gammon could be too

it's a dumb label, but no more stupid than when people call other people 'snowflakes', and the whole 'millennial' stereotype has also been done to death

seems like exactly the kind of soundbite that martino spouts constantly, telling people to 'man up' about depression, stop being 'snowflakes' and 'grow up' about sharing communal food. in fact, i imagine him sitting at his computer, gammon-faced, shaking with rage with blood pressure through the roof, any time someone mentions that they don't wear smart shoes to work, or that somebody enjoyed a film he didn't

I don't see him like that at all. He deals better than anyone on here with the numerous personal attacks that come his way. Kudos for that.

Offline Kaynadian

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #78 on: May 17, 2018, 08:31:54 AM »
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Forreal, I live in a "BFE" town in Chungcheongnam-Do, no KTX, no trains/subway, just buses that take minimum 2 hours to get to a big city and I absolutely love where I live. No complaints.

He did say 'most of us' but just to make it clear I feel another poll coming on

"The same damn reason most of us are in Busan or Seoul and we all hang out in Itaewon and no one wants to live and work in some BFE town in Gangwondo."


Offline zola

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Re: Looking for some perspective?
« Reply #79 on: May 17, 2018, 08:53:54 AM »
I haven't been to Itaewon for about 2 years. And that's not becuase I think I'm awesome and too cool for it, it's just the place has basically become like any other part of Seoul. The atmosphere and places that made it unique are all but gone. You can get most of the things in other areas of Seoul now anyway. If I want to see Koreans taking pictures of their "exotic" food I can do that in pretty much any city in Korea.
Kpip! - Martin 2018

 



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