September 22, 2017, 01:30:41 PM


Author Topic: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0  (Read 486150 times)

Offline z80

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6460 on: July 03, 2017, 03:53:06 PM »
I would really like it very much if my high school boys would stop sexually assaulting the high school girls every F** day.


Online Dave Stepz

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6461 on: July 03, 2017, 04:04:30 PM »
I would really like it very much if my high school boys would stop sexually assaulting the high school girls every F** day.

Round my way, it is the middle school girls who are harrassing the high school boys.  The high school boys were talking to the middle school girls last week during break (as the schools are next to each other).

 :-* We're hungry

 :rolleyes: What would you like to eat?

 :-* Boys

 :shocked:

I know a lot of teachers at that middle school and they say the girls are horrendous for this kind of thing. 

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6462 on: July 03, 2017, 04:08:00 PM »

 I'm always hearing how [teachers here are] constantly having meetings, watching videos and attending workshops on bullying and child abuse. Yet, they're so ... useless when it comes to noticing and dealing with it.
Most seem to think that if the victim is feigning a smile or laugh while 5 other students take turns slapping them, it's just a joke.


This is a very real and serious problem. A lot of the time you're right, especially re: subject teachers. Really have no idea how to mitigate or reduce bullying. And so often here (and I guess in other places, but I have no first hand experience in other places) victims of bullying will just smile and laugh along with it rather than resist or show that it's upsetting them. The mentality is that the victim is still part of the group in some way if they're laughing with the others, despite being the target of the abuse.

That said, there are a lot of Korean teachers who are caring, compassionate and intelligent who do do a very good job trying to reduce bullying in their classrooms and schools. But there are also just as many completely apathetic / ineffectual ones.

Online Chinguetti

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6463 on: July 03, 2017, 04:20:03 PM »
Yeah, it's the bullying that really bothers me the most about the way the schools are run here, tbh. Even now when I point out bullying to some of the teachers here, they tell me that the students are just "playing." They're either unable or unwilling to recognize cases of bullying as they're happening. You can always tell by the body language of the target, even if they're laughing or smiling about it, and it's not likely just "play" if it's one kid against three or more and the intended target isn't really defending himself in any way.

I just put an end to it under the guise of not liking "horseplay" so that the intended target doesn't suffer ramifications from my interference later, but good god.

I find male bullying much easier to spot and to deal with. Girls are sneakier about it.

2. I know this guy who likes to hang around with my group of non-Korean people. He's alright, but every time he meets a new foreigner he has to ask them what they find uncomfortable or bad about Korea. I don't know why he does this, because without fail he reacts awkwardly and defensively to every benign comment someone makes. No decent person is going to list the things they actually don't like about that culture to someone from that culture. No one is gonna be like "well, I think it's gross that y'all don't wash your hands after you shit and you eat like cows sometimes" but eventually people say things like "I'm not a fan of the food" or "it's uncomfortable in busy places when people don't say excuse me" and he always argues it! I mean, why ASK if you don't want to know the answer? What is this weird obsession with trying to figure out what people don't like about you? And does he really think anyone is going to give him their real opinion? It's slightly masochistic. Maybe I should link him to this thread  :laugh:

This, right here. They either always ask about what we don't like about Korean culture, or they're always digging for praise about Korean culture. The ones who ask, either way, can never accept another person's opinion if it's not all wonder and delight.

Connecting with what I commented on before, I remember this one guy kept digging and digging and digging for praises in a really roundabout way. He's always asking for feedback about how we "really" feel about Korea and the culture and whatever, but he's only ever fishing for compliments. He does this EVERYTIME there's a meet between him and foreigners, no matter how many times we've met and been asked the same goddamn questions each time. One night I wasn't having it, and I actually told him that I really hate the bullying culture here, and found the "wang-ta" phenomenon especially disturbing (I actually had a wang-ta at the school I was then assigned to at the time, so it was especially real to me then). He got super defensive and went on to claim that Korean 정 isn't matched anywhere else in the world, and wouldn't address the bullying problem at all. I kind of needled him some more by asking him why it was that the suicide rate in Korea was so damn high when compared to the rest of the world, if what he was said was so true, and that got him sputtering mad.

Yeah, I shouldn't have done it. But he hasn't spoken to me since, and I couldn't be happier.

I do enjoy Korea and all, but no culture is perfect, and each one has its major faults to deal with. You can't expect people to just fall in line with your blind patriotism, especially when they're not from there. C'mon.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2017, 04:31:55 PM by Chinguetti »

Offline Lurch

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6464 on: July 03, 2017, 04:23:03 PM »
However, I'm sure that many teachers fear the backlash of the parents..

Hit the nail on the head. Korean law does not take kindly to any kind of intervention when it comes to violence. You see two kids beating the snot out of each other? Pass the buck. Do not try and break it up unless you want to end up out a couple million won blood money to some parent who thinks you're responsible.

Offline kobayashi

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6465 on: July 03, 2017, 04:24:41 PM »
I know it's difficult seeing her and I know you'd rather do anything else than to talk to her or be around her. But it's been 4 years. I'm not saying you should be friends with her again. I'm not even saying you should talk to her again. I totally get why you wouldn't want to. However, you can't avoid her forever. Especially now that all of your friend groups are coming together. I personally think you should continue going out with your friends and participating even if she is there too. It's going to be hard the first couple of times but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by. If she tries to get close to you again and you aren't ok with that then let her know. Tell her you're there to be with your friends but that you're not there for her. But like I said. It's been 4 years. Maybe it's time to let yourself heal and move on.

why should he be friends with her? she sounds like a complete bitch. gave him an ultimatum about getting a job quickly in korea after he almost died from massive brain trauma.

then dumped him unceremoniously at the airport after he packed up his entire life and came here. for her.

wouldn't be surprised if she was banging someone on the side while she was waiting for him to get here. probably explains the dumping actually.

now she's banging one of his friends.

yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6466 on: July 03, 2017, 04:31:15 PM »
why should he be friends with her? she sounds like a complete bitch. gave him an ultimatum about getting a job quickly in korea after he almost died from massive brain trauma.

then dumped him unceremoniously at the airport after he packed up his entire life and came here. for her.

wouldn't be surprised if she was banging someone on the side while she was waiting for him to get here. probably explains the dumping actually.

now she's banging one of his friends.

yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

A) To be fair, I could have come sooner. The brain surgery wasn't actually as bad as the broken collarbone I got. This isn't to defend her per se, but I do bear some of the responsibility for not coming sooner. Doesn't make breaking the ultimatum okay though.

B) Nope. Not my friend. She's got a BF who's teaching in Japan at the moment. How do I know this? Well, I'm fairly bright, even after brain surgery.  :wink:
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Online #basedcowboyshirt

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6467 on: July 03, 2017, 04:31:28 PM »
Wow. That's a whole lot of bitter.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6468 on: July 03, 2017, 04:36:30 PM »
@ Waygook.org user CO2 - my advice?

Just be chill. There's literally no reason you can't be civil to her. You seem like kind of an emotional guy, which is cool, but always good to be able to keep your feelings under control for practical purposes.

Yeah she kind of boned you with the whole breaking up with you after you moved here, but that was like, four years ago? And you were both (I'm assuming) in your early 20s when that happens, which is when lots of people do lots of unfortunate things, despite being at heart generally decent humans.

So like, I empathize with the fact that you still have feelings complicated feelings towards her, but I mean, you're both older and smarter and ideally slightly new and improved versions of yourselves compared to when you were dating, so just get on with it and don't make such a big deal about it. You don't have to be friends if you don't want to or anything, but like, it shouldn't make social gatherings awkward.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6469 on: July 03, 2017, 04:43:26 PM »
Just be chill. There's literally no reason you can't be civil to her. You seem like kind of an emotional guy, which is cool, but always good to be able to keep your feelings under control for practical purposes.

Yeah she kind of boned you with the whole breaking up with you after you moved here, but that was like, four years ago? And you were both (I'm assuming) in your early 20s when that happens, which is when lots of people do lots of unfortunate things, despite being at heart generally decent humans.

So like, I empathize with the fact that you still have feelings complicated feelings towards her, but I mean, you're both older and smarter and ideally slightly new and improved versions of yourselves compared to when you were dating, so just get on with it and don't make such a big deal about it. You don't have to be friends if you don't want to or anything, but like, it shouldn't make social gatherings awkward.

A) 28. haha, not to nitpick.

B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

Ignoring isnít the same as ignorance, you have to work at it.

Online Chinguetti

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6470 on: July 03, 2017, 04:50:45 PM »
B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

A lot of people handle things differently when it comes to people of their past.

Could be she's working through some guilt, too. Might explain some of that interest. Even though she's the one who dumped you, it doesn't mean she doesn't still see you as a person. I guess she may not feel as awkward about the way things were left since so much time has passed, too, so doesn't make any bones about querying about a person's current state. Some people are like that.

Online #basedcowboyshirt

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6471 on: July 03, 2017, 04:52:54 PM »
Just be chill. There's literally no reason you can't be civil to her. You seem like kind of an emotional guy, which is cool, but always good to be able to keep your feelings under control for practical purposes.

Yeah she kind of boned you with the whole breaking up with you after you moved here, but that was like, four years ago? And you were both (I'm assuming) in your early 20s when that happens, which is when lots of people do lots of unfortunate things, despite being at heart generally decent humans.

So like, I empathize with the fact that you still have feelings complicated feelings towards her, but I mean, you're both older and smarter and ideally slightly new and improved versions of yourselves compared to when you were dating, so just get on with it and don't make such a big deal about it. You don't have to be friends if you don't want to or anything, but like, it shouldn't make social gatherings awkward.

A) 28. haha, not to nitpick.

B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

Oh yikes. You're a lot older than I thought you were. If you were 28 four years ago...

And don't let it throw you off. Yeah she left you. Doesn't mean she hates you or anything. She broke up with you in a pretty clean, respectful way, and didn't drag you through the mud of a dysfunctional relationship for years. Granted, it's pretty wack that she did it after you came here (read: that's an understatement) BUT! who knows - she was probably just as torn up and confused about it all as you were.

Anyways, like I said, just be chill. Life's too short to be awkward and / or bitter. And in all honesty, after four years, unless someone did something extremely cruel and unusual with malice and intent, then it should be completely possible to exist in the same extended friend circle.

Good luck!

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6472 on: July 03, 2017, 04:56:50 PM »
Oh man, if my most recent ex (March) knew that I was hanging out with JHK, she'd track us both down and murder us, hahaha. That's HER style.
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Offline Savant

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6473 on: July 03, 2017, 04:58:09 PM »
To add to the ongoing saga: next night out, just get drunk together and hit up a motel. If something materializes, well great, though the waters seem muddy with all the emotional baggage. If nothing happens, chalk it up as 4 years past break-up sex.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6474 on: July 03, 2017, 04:58:21 PM »
I know it's difficult seeing her and I know you'd rather do anything else than to talk to her or be around her. But it's been 4 years. I'm not saying you should be friends with her again. I'm not even saying you should talk to her again. I totally get why you wouldn't want to. However, you can't avoid her forever. Especially now that all of your friend groups are coming together. I personally think you should continue going out with your friends and participating even if she is there too. It's going to be hard the first couple of times but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by. If she tries to get close to you again and you aren't ok with that then let her know. Tell her you're there to be with your friends but that you're not there for her. But like I said. It's been 4 years. Maybe it's time to let yourself heal and move on.

why should he be friends with her? she sounds like a complete bitch. gave him an ultimatum about getting a job quickly in korea after he almost died from massive brain trauma.

then dumped him unceremoniously at the airport after he packed up his entire life and came here. for her.

wouldn't be surprised if she was banging someone on the side while she was waiting for him to get here. probably explains the dumping actually.

now she's banging one of his friends.

yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

She's not suggesting he be friends with the ex, just to be civil and not let the ex's presence prevent him from enjoying his own friend group. 

B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

She might be legitimately curious, she might also just be nosy. 

Online #basedcowboyshirt

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6475 on: July 03, 2017, 05:00:16 PM »
Oh man, if my most recent ex (March) knew that I was hanging out with JHK, she'd track us both down and murder us, hahaha. That's HER style.

Dang, dude. I don't know how you have energy for that sort of biz.

Ain't nobody got time for drama like that.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6476 on: July 03, 2017, 05:02:21 PM »
To add to the ongoing saga: next night out, just get drunk together and hit up a motel. If something materializes, well great, though the waters seem muddy with all the emotional baggage. If nothing happens, chalk it up as 4 years past break-up sex.

I don't know whether to laugh or tell you to go to hell. hahahaha
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Online Chinguetti

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6477 on: July 03, 2017, 05:02:32 PM »
Oh man, if my most recent ex (March) knew that I was hanging out with JHK, she'd track us both down and murder us, hahaha. That's HER style.

Dang, dude. I don't know how you have energy for that sort of biz.

Ain't nobody got time for drama like that.

He's doing it Kdrama style. That's how it's done here.

All he's missing now is the overbearing, batshit-crazy mother.

Offline sevenpm

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6478 on: July 03, 2017, 05:03:13 PM »
Yeah, it's the bullying that really bothers me the most about the way the schools are run here, tbh. Even now when I point out bullying to some of the teachers here, they tell me that the students are just "playing." They're either unable or unwilling to recognize cases of bullying as they're happening. You can always tell by the body language of the target, even if they're laughing or smiling about it, and it's not likely just "play" if it's one kid against three or more and the intended target isn't really defending himself in any way.

I just put an end to it under the guise of not liking "horseplay" so that the intended target doesn't suffer ramifications from my interference later, but good god.

I find male bullying much easier to spot and to deal with. Girls are sneakier about it.

2. I know this guy who likes to hang around with my group of non-Korean people. He's alright, but every time he meets a new foreigner he has to ask them what they find uncomfortable or bad about Korea. I don't know why he does this, because without fail he reacts awkwardly and defensively to every benign comment someone makes. No decent person is going to list the things they actually don't like about that culture to someone from that culture. No one is gonna be like "well, I think it's gross that y'all don't wash your hands after you shit and you eat like cows sometimes" but eventually people say things like "I'm not a fan of the food" or "it's uncomfortable in busy places when people don't say excuse me" and he always argues it! I mean, why ASK if you don't want to know the answer? What is this weird obsession with trying to figure out what people don't like about you? And does he really think anyone is going to give him their real opinion? It's slightly masochistic. Maybe I should link him to this thread  :laugh:

This, right here. They either always ask about what we don't like about Korean culture, or they're always digging for praise about Korean culture. The ones who ask, either way, can never accept another person's opinion if it's not all wonder and delight.

Connecting with what I commented on before, I remember this one guy kept digging and digging and digging for praises in a really roundabout way. He's always asking for feedback about how we "really" feel about Korea and the culture and whatever, but he's only ever fishing for compliments. He does this EVERYTIME there's a meet between him and foreigners, no matter how many times we've met and been asked the same goddamn questions each time. One night I wasn't having it, and I actually told him that I really hate the bullying culture here, and found the "wang-ta" phenomenon especially disturbing (I actually had a wang-ta at the school I was then assigned to at the time, so it was especially real to me then). He got super defensive and went on to claim that Korean 정 isn't matched anywhere else in the world, and wouldn't address the bullying problem at all. I kind of needled him some more by asking him why it was that the suicide rate in Korea was so damn high when compared to the rest of the world, if what he was said was so true, and that got him sputtering mad.

Yeah, I shouldn't have done it. But he hasn't spoken to me since, and I couldn't be happier.

I do enjoy Korea and all, but no culture is perfect, and each one has its major faults to deal with. You can't expect people to just fall in line with your blind patriotism, especially when they're not from there. C'mon.

I was once told by a guy that due to Korean 정, I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car even when walking in the street at night. So I asked him if that's the case, why are the auto accident rates here so high compared to other developed countries? Why do people drive so dangerously and like jerks all the time? He didn't really have any answers to that. It's not my MO to go around talking shit about Korea to Koreans, but this guy was just asking for it. If there is a special 정 in Korea, it certainly does NOT exist once people get behind their tinted car windows.

And when people keep fishing for compliments, they're asking for it too. It's not easy to go live abroad and being a foreigner means you might get treated worse in some way than the locals. It's so tone deaf to keep bugging people who are living out of their comfort zone, may be experiencing homesickness, or could be having a hard time adjusting, for shallow praise about your culture (that isnt any better than anyone else's) especially when you don't respect theirs. I've had people say such & such thing is so much better in Korea, isn't it? Korean food is so much better than western food, right? Korean men are the most respectful in the world, right? The students here are better behaved than in America, right? Korean parents care so much more about their children, right?

Why do they expect me to agree?! Do they really think the propaganda they've been hearing since a young age is actually how the rest of the world thinks? I don't even believe they themselves think that way, to be honest. Maybe it's some kind of insecurity problem, they feel their country is under appreciated and overlooked in comparison to places like Japan and China... I have no idea but I will 100% shoot these types of questions down. Some people are nicer and just go along with those questions in order to get along, but I'd rather not be friends with someone who needs to assert their cultural superiority over me by asking idiotic questions.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6479 on: July 03, 2017, 05:05:30 PM »
Dang, dude. I don't know how you have energy for that sort of biz.

Ain't nobody got time for drama like that.
Ain't no drama. Recent ex thinks I cheated on her when we were dating (which I can assure you, I did not) so she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and she's basically disappeared from my friend's group back into her Korean friend's group. A couple of my mates text her once in a while to see how she's doing, but she's fading pretty damn quickly from my life........................................

Until 2021, when it all comes back round again!!! hahahahahahahaha
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