February 26, 2018, 01:40:45 AM

Author Topic: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0  (Read 723264 times)

Offline yirj17

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6060 on: July 03, 2017, 01:58:21 PM »
I know it's difficult seeing her and I know you'd rather do anything else than to talk to her or be around her. But it's been 4 years. I'm not saying you should be friends with her again. I'm not even saying you should talk to her again. I totally get why you wouldn't want to. However, you can't avoid her forever. Especially now that all of your friend groups are coming together. I personally think you should continue going out with your friends and participating even if she is there too. It's going to be hard the first couple of times but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by. If she tries to get close to you again and you aren't ok with that then let her know. Tell her you're there to be with your friends but that you're not there for her. But like I said. It's been 4 years. Maybe it's time to let yourself heal and move on.

why should he be friends with her? she sounds like a complete bitch. gave him an ultimatum about getting a job quickly in korea after he almost died from massive brain trauma.

then dumped him unceremoniously at the airport after he packed up his entire life and came here. for her.

wouldn't be surprised if she was banging someone on the side while she was waiting for him to get here. probably explains the dumping actually.

now she's banging one of his friends.

yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

She's not suggesting he be friends with the ex, just to be civil and not let the ex's presence prevent him from enjoying his own friend group. 

B) Just throws me off that she always asks anyone and everyone about me. How is he? What's he doing? I don't understand why she cares so much. She left me, right? I mean, I'm curious too, but I don't hound Sam R about how she is or what she's doing, nor his other friends who are now my friends.

She might be legitimately curious, she might also just be nosy. 

Offline CO2

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6061 on: July 03, 2017, 02:02:21 PM »
To add to the ongoing saga: next night out, just get drunk together and hit up a motel. If something materializes, well great, though the waters seem muddy with all the emotional baggage. If nothing happens, chalk it up as 4 years past break-up sex.

I don't know whether to laugh or tell you to go to hell. hahahaha

Offline Chinguetti

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6062 on: July 03, 2017, 02:02:32 PM »
Oh man, if my most recent ex (March) knew that I was hanging out with JHK, she'd track us both down and murder us, hahaha. That's HER style.

Dang, dude. I don't know how you have energy for that sort of biz.

Ain't nobody got time for drama like that.

He's doing it Kdrama style. That's how it's done here.

All he's missing now is the overbearing, batshit-crazy mother.

Offline sevenpm

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6063 on: July 03, 2017, 02:03:13 PM »
Yeah, it's the bullying that really bothers me the most about the way the schools are run here, tbh. Even now when I point out bullying to some of the teachers here, they tell me that the students are just "playing." They're either unable or unwilling to recognize cases of bullying as they're happening. You can always tell by the body language of the target, even if they're laughing or smiling about it, and it's not likely just "play" if it's one kid against three or more and the intended target isn't really defending himself in any way.

I just put an end to it under the guise of not liking "horseplay" so that the intended target doesn't suffer ramifications from my interference later, but good god.

I find male bullying much easier to spot and to deal with. Girls are sneakier about it.

2. I know this guy who likes to hang around with my group of non-Korean people. He's alright, but every time he meets a new foreigner he has to ask them what they find uncomfortable or bad about Korea. I don't know why he does this, because without fail he reacts awkwardly and defensively to every benign comment someone makes. No decent person is going to list the things they actually don't like about that culture to someone from that culture. No one is gonna be like "well, I think it's gross that y'all don't wash your hands after you shit and you eat like cows sometimes" but eventually people say things like "I'm not a fan of the food" or "it's uncomfortable in busy places when people don't say excuse me" and he always argues it! I mean, why ASK if you don't want to know the answer? What is this weird obsession with trying to figure out what people don't like about you? And does he really think anyone is going to give him their real opinion? It's slightly masochistic. Maybe I should link him to this thread  :laugh:

This, right here. They either always ask about what we don't like about Korean culture, or they're always digging for praise about Korean culture. The ones who ask, either way, can never accept another person's opinion if it's not all wonder and delight.

Connecting with what I commented on before, I remember this one guy kept digging and digging and digging for praises in a really roundabout way. He's always asking for feedback about how we "really" feel about Korea and the culture and whatever, but he's only ever fishing for compliments. He does this EVERYTIME there's a meet between him and foreigners, no matter how many times we've met and been asked the same goddamn questions each time. One night I wasn't having it, and I actually told him that I really hate the bullying culture here, and found the "wang-ta" phenomenon especially disturbing (I actually had a wang-ta at the school I was then assigned to at the time, so it was especially real to me then). He got super defensive and went on to claim that Korean 정 isn't matched anywhere else in the world, and wouldn't address the bullying problem at all. I kind of needled him some more by asking him why it was that the suicide rate in Korea was so damn high when compared to the rest of the world, if what he was said was so true, and that got him sputtering mad.

Yeah, I shouldn't have done it. But he hasn't spoken to me since, and I couldn't be happier.

I do enjoy Korea and all, but no culture is perfect, and each one has its major faults to deal with. You can't expect people to just fall in line with your blind patriotism, especially when they're not from there. C'mon.

I was once told by a guy that due to Korean 정, I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car even when walking in the street at night. So I asked him if that's the case, why are the auto accident rates here so high compared to other developed countries? Why do people drive so dangerously and like jerks all the time? He didn't really have any answers to that. It's not my MO to go around talking shit about Korea to Koreans, but this guy was just asking for it. If there is a special 정 in Korea, it certainly does NOT exist once people get behind their tinted car windows.

And when people keep fishing for compliments, they're asking for it too. It's not easy to go live abroad and being a foreigner means you might get treated worse in some way than the locals. It's so tone deaf to keep bugging people who are living out of their comfort zone, may be experiencing homesickness, or could be having a hard time adjusting, for shallow praise about your culture (that isnt any better than anyone else's) especially when you don't respect theirs. I've had people say such & such thing is so much better in Korea, isn't it? Korean food is so much better than western food, right? Korean men are the most respectful in the world, right? The students here are better behaved than in America, right? Korean parents care so much more about their children, right?

Why do they expect me to agree?! Do they really think the propaganda they've been hearing since a young age is actually how the rest of the world thinks? I don't even believe they themselves think that way, to be honest. Maybe it's some kind of insecurity problem, they feel their country is under appreciated and overlooked in comparison to places like Japan and China... I have no idea but I will 100% shoot these types of questions down. Some people are nicer and just go along with those questions in order to get along, but I'd rather not be friends with someone who needs to assert their cultural superiority over me by asking idiotic questions.

Offline CO2

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6064 on: July 03, 2017, 02:05:30 PM »
Dang, dude. I don't know how you have energy for that sort of biz.

Ain't nobody got time for drama like that.
Ain't no drama. Recent ex thinks I cheated on her when we were dating (which I can assure you, I did not) so she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and she's basically disappeared from my friend's group back into her Korean friend's group. A couple of my mates text her once in a while to see how she's doing, but she's fading pretty damn quickly from my life........................................

Until 2021, when it all comes back round again!!! hahahahahahahaha

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6065 on: July 03, 2017, 02:07:57 PM »
yeah no. **** that. i wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

I'm siding more with Kobayashi on this one.  She seems to be playing the field, so why is she doing online dating and chatting with your friends if she has another boyfriend.  She's playing the field, and doesn't really seem to be that bothered about the consequences or anyone's feelings, especially yours. 

This isn't going to work.  If you feel the need to write down on an internet forum to get other's opinions about this then you have unfinished business here.  Time may be a healer, but you really don't need her popping her up to bring it all back. 'Oh hey, how's it going?'  She doesn't sound like she's bothered, regardless of her checking out where you're at.  The worst thing is this'll start ruining your nights out, if you know you'll be meeting up later in the evening.  What about others cracking onto her?  How will you feel?  It just ain't worth it.  Also if you already been to a few bars, there's not going to be much to stop you from talking a 'bit more freely' when you are 'heavily refreshed', if you see what I mean.  Keeping your dignity is the important thing. The 'be chill' line doesn't work where alcohol comes into play. 

Offline CO2

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6066 on: July 03, 2017, 02:17:29 PM »
I'm siding more with Kobayashi on this one.  She seems to be playing the field, so why is she doing online dating and chatting with your friends if she has another boyfriend.  She's playing the field, and doesn't really seem to be that bothered about the consequences or anyone's feelings, especially yours. 

Y'all are going to think I'm delusional, but I do know more about this situation than y'all, even if I can recognise my own biases.

Regarding the tinder thing, Donald (shit, I put his real name in there and had to fix it to Donald again hahaha) had mentioned that she was being flaky as shit and I learned later she was only on for 5 days. She had her gay friend texting the guys for a laugh. This isn't to take away from the fact that seeing her surprised me quite a bit.

Regarding her talking to my friends, her boyfriend in Japan is these guys best mate. (Sam R's group that I've been gravitating towards)  She's not going around behind his back with all these men, they're all supertight friends for the last couple of years), he's in Japan, that's it. If anything, they'll be judging her if she starts getting messy with some guys at the bar.

I have no idea if she's playing the field, I don't. But the assumptions made by you (I'm not angry haha but they are assumptions) don't hold a lot of weight.

Offline yirj17

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6067 on: July 03, 2017, 02:23:17 PM »
I think it's far from necessary to be friends with her, nor would I even say you have to be friendly to her (distantly polite is good), but I do think that some exposure to her presence might help in the long run on the path to healing.  Get desensitized, in a way.

Rather than being surprised and jarred and flooded with emotions when she randomly pops up in person, which seems to be quite a likely thing given the overlapping friend circles. 

Offline CO2

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6068 on: July 03, 2017, 02:27:34 PM »
I think it's far from necessary to be friends with her, nor would I even say you have to be friendly to her (distantly polite is good), but I do think that some exposure to her presence might help in the long run on the path to healing.  Get desensitized, in a way.

Rather than being surprised and jarred and flooded with emotions when she randomly pops up in person, which seems to be quite a likely thing given the overlapping friend circles.

Yeah, I emailed her this morning and said I wasn't the nicest person for being a cold, distant guy on Saturday, it's just I'd made the effort not to see her and it failed. I just told her we need to sort this out. God only knows what that means, but we'll figure it out or we won't.

Onward and upward, waygook.org user yirj17

Thanks to everyone for their input, even Kobayashi, lord knows I've felt like that on numerous occasions.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2017, 02:29:55 PM by CO2 »

Offline flyingspider

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6069 on: July 03, 2017, 02:40:17 PM »
The bullying here makes me so angry. I do my  best to shut it down whenever I see it, and it's so frustrating how many teachers let it slide. We were doing a project in 5th grade, and we let the students pick their groups, and one boy was left over. He's very slow, but he's nice & tries hard. He gets picked on quite a bit, and during sports day the whole class blamed him for making them lose jump rope, even though it wasn't his fault.

My coteacher initially wanted to bribe a group into taking him, but I told her we shouldn't reward them for being decent human beings. The kids ended up doing RPS to see who got him, and the kids who didn't have to have him in their group scream-cheered. (Another rant: Why can't these kids breathe without screaming?) I got really angry at them for celebrating, and told them that they were bullies. I rarely get visibly angry in class, so they were pretty shocked. My coteacher was angry too, and translated what I said then got after them herself. One girl cried and another girl apologized later in class. The kids aren't going to get to choose their own groups anymore.

Another rant: Today we had a fire drill. It wasn't planned, so the kids and teachers didn't know about it. I'm not sure if it was just an accident or what, but anyway it went off at the end of  a 5th grade class. Some of the kids started running around the class like a chicken with its head cut off until my co ordered them back into their seats. She tried to call around to see if it was a real drill or not, but no one was picking up.

So we have the students get up and leave the room, and when we walked into the hallway the big heavy metal doors had automatically closed. We're the only classroom on that side of the school, and the door going to the stairwell and to the other side of the school had shut. The kids started freaking out thinking that we were trapped, but all they needed was a good shove. They calmed down and we lined up outside where everything ends up being fine. Moral of the rant is they need more unplanned drills so the kids don't lose it when they hear the alarm.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2017, 02:52:12 PM by flyingspider »

Offline jddavis7

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6070 on: July 03, 2017, 02:41:59 PM »
I swear, everyone at my main school LOVES to stand behind me. Last year, my desk was one window over and that was the window everyone loved to open and pour their drinks out at.

Now, they love to pour their drinks out and stare outside through the window directly behind me. I absolutely HATE having people standing behind me when I'm on a computer. It always feels invasive.

Offline CO2

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6071 on: July 03, 2017, 02:47:26 PM »
Now, they love to pour their drinks out and stare outside through the window directly behind me. I absolutely HATE having people standing behind me when I'm on a computer. It always feels invasive.

Pouring out some 오미자차 for my dead 호미즈야.

Offline What?What?

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6072 on: July 03, 2017, 02:56:47 PM »
yay humidity!  :blank:

Right, since last Thursday, it has that walk outside and sweatsville starts, kind of feel.  Cue damp pillows in the early morning.

Yup. I constantly feel damp. Pillows feel damp, walls feel damp, everything is damp, and My hair is giant, I mean some kind of wookie thing going on here with my hair. Every year, I think, I will adjust. This is a lie.
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Offline What?What?

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6073 on: July 03, 2017, 02:57:36 PM »
yay humidity!  :blank:

Right, since last Thursday, it has that walk outside and sweatsville starts, kind of feel.  Cue damp pillows in the early morning.


My school is like a rainforest in the hallways  :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Hahahaha That is a perfect description!
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Offline kobayashi

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6074 on: July 03, 2017, 03:06:50 PM »
I'm siding more with Kobayashi on this one.  She seems to be playing the field, so why is she doing online dating and chatting with your friends if she has another boyfriend.  She's playing the field, and doesn't really seem to be that bothered about the consequences or anyone's feelings, especially yours. 

Y'all are going to think I'm delusional, but I do know more about this situation than y'all, even if I can recognise my own biases.

Regarding the tinder thing, Donald (shit, I put his real name in there and had to fix it to Donald again hahaha) had mentioned that she was being flaky as shit and I learned later she was only on for 5 days. She had her gay friend texting the guys for a laugh. This isn't to take away from the fact that seeing her surprised me quite a bit.

Regarding her talking to my friends, her boyfriend in Japan is these guys best mate. (Sam R's group that I've been gravitating towards)  She's not going around behind his back with all these men, they're all supertight friends for the last couple of years), he's in Japan, that's it. If anything, they'll be judging her if she starts getting messy with some guys at the bar.

I have no idea if she's playing the field, I don't. But the assumptions made by you (I'm not angry haha but they are assumptions) don't hold a lot of weight.

so i might have missed a few posts here, but this girl was also on tinder chatting to people? so to summarize:

she gave you an ultimatum after you had a serious head injury and almost died.

broke up with you at the airport, after flying half way around the world to see her.

has a boyfriend overseas, and yet goes on tinder for .... shits and giggles?

gets her gay friend to mess guys on tinder around for shits and giggles.

dude, seriously, this is not the type of person i would want to associate with at all. even if there wasn't history between you. it sounds like you actually dodged a bullet when she broke up with you.

she keeps asking about you because you're being aloof and distant, and not talking to her is getting the little hamster wheel turning. "why doesn't CO2 want to talk to me, doesn't he like me anymore? does he think i'm a bad person?" and blah blah.

she wants to talk to you to get validation that you still like her. she wants to talk to you for HER, not for you.

Offline yirj17

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6075 on: July 03, 2017, 03:09:38 PM »
yay humidity!  :blank:

Right, since last Thursday, it has that walk outside and sweatsville starts, kind of feel.  Cue damp pillows in the early morning.


My school is like a rainforest in the hallways  :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Hahahaha That is a perfect description!


The offices are ice boxes whilst the hallways are indeed rainforests.   :sad:  One of my schools has floors that seem to literally sweat.   :huh:

Offline CO2

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6076 on: July 03, 2017, 03:11:59 PM »
she keeps asking about you because you're being aloof and distant, and not talking to her is getting the little hamster wheel turning. "why doesn't CO2 want to talk to me, doesn't he like me anymore? does he think i'm a bad person?" and blah blah.

she wants to talk to you to get validation that you still like her. she wants to talk to you for HER, not for you.


Yeah, I've mulled this over, too. I'll give you points for this one.

Who doesn't want to be liked? hahaha God knows I'm guilty of being an attention whore.  :laugh:

Offline yirj17

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6077 on: July 03, 2017, 03:19:28 PM »
I think Kobayashi's spot on.  Dodged a bullet.  Now onward and upward!

Offline sevenpm

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6078 on: July 03, 2017, 03:21:08 PM »
She does seem a little selfish. I can't really wrap my head around the whole breaking up at the airport thing, why did she wait? She should have broken up with you beforehand like any decent person would do. She sounds like romcom villain to be honest. But I think it would have been worse to continue the relationship when her heart wasn't in it :/

But the most important thing to do is to make sure she isn't in a position to upset you anymore! Make sure you protect yourself first!

It might feel a little good to indulge in these thoughts and convos because hey, she's talking about you to other people and maybe it feels exciting that she's still thinking about you and you're suddenly thrown together again... but the bigger picture is sometimes people just don't deserve our time! A balance between being able to see her while not feeling horrible and getting emotionally attached is important. Protect yo'self!

Offline yirj17

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #6079 on: July 03, 2017, 03:22:51 PM »
She does seem a little selfish. I can't really wrap my head around the whole breaking up at the airport thing, why did she wait? She should have broken up with you beforehand like any decent person would do. She sounds like romcom villain to be honest.

...


So her life could be a Korean drama?