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Author Topic: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0  (Read 486202 times)

Offline kobayashi

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2240 on: October 26, 2016, 06:24:09 PM »
i think gidget dodged a massive bullett there. if they haven't even been on a vacation yet and are just planning it and she's already acting like that, travelling with her would be absolute hell.

Offline HaLo3

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2241 on: October 26, 2016, 06:27:24 PM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.

I was supposed to go on vacation with a friend. She really wanted to travel and she was saying that her family and friends don't like travelling with her but she didn't want to travel alone so she suggested we travel together. 
Now, I need a visa, she doesn't. The earliest I can apply for my visa is in November. I told her this, she said she was fine with it. But ever since May, 3x a month, I've had to tell her, again, why I still haven't applied for my visa.
I can bear repeating the same thing over and over again. What gets my goat, is that in July she spoke to a coworker of hers who told her I was being lazy and I was a liar and I could get my visa any time I wanted. She calls me, gleefully tells me what her coworker says and says she agrees with him because he travels all around the world and he knows so much and then calls me lazy and a liar (never mind that he and I are different nationalities which means our visa requirements aren't the same).
Nope, I showed her all the documentation, she wanted to know why I hadn't bothered to tell her about my visa before. Things calmed down and we went back to her asking me 3x a month if I had my visa yet.
This month she freaked out completely and started yelling at me that I still didn't have my visa and her coworker told her that I was lying. She shouted and called me lazy and a liar, again, so I told her I'd had it and I was out of the vacation. Her language got really colorful so I politely ended the call.

I've now deeply and mortally offended her because I'm younger than her and I was the one who cancelled the trip - I have no right to cancel anything, only she can and she still wanted to go. I also ended the call first because she was merely screaming at me. Only the person who is older can end the phone call. And if someone older than you is yelling at you? You have to accept it.

Ah, no.

So many signs... I hate it when I'm oblivious (my first word choice was stupid).
It sounds like she's just annoying. Planning a vacation together doesn't have to mean the end of a friendship, but it seems she just wasn't a great friend in the first place. Because why would you talk crap about a friend behind their back, then tell them about it, while simultaneously calling them a liar? That's not a friendship.
I'm super petty, so if it were me, I'd probably still go on the trip without her. And make sure she knows about it.
In my head this is like a couple sort of trip, so if gidget were to go on the trip, the friend would also be on the trip, then they would be stuck doing the same thing together. Awkward. And its prolly for the best, cuz she sounds like a piece of work. I traveled once with a friend, and while I would never travel with her again, we were still friends after.

Offline flyingspider

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2242 on: October 26, 2016, 06:31:43 PM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.
Boy that does sound stressful. It's probably for the best that you aren't travelling together, because she might even be more ridiculous on the trip. I hope you are still able to go on the trip and have a good time!

For me and my friend planning was okay, but the actual trip was not what I thought it would be. Turns out she's super controlling and doesn't listen to anyone's opinion but her own. She's hoping to travel again together next year but I'm hoping my sister will visit so I can say I'm unavailable.

Offline zola

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2243 on: October 26, 2016, 06:33:46 PM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.

I was supposed to go on vacation with a friend. She really wanted to travel and she was saying that her family and friends don't like travelling with her but she didn't want to travel alone so she suggested we travel together. 
Now, I need a visa, she doesn't. The earliest I can apply for my visa is in November. I told her this, she said she was fine with it. But ever since May, 3x a month, I've had to tell her, again, why I still haven't applied for my visa.
I can bear repeating the same thing over and over again. What gets my goat, is that in July she spoke to a coworker of hers who told her I was being lazy and I was a liar and I could get my visa any time I wanted. She calls me, gleefully tells me what her coworker says and says she agrees with him because he travels all around the world and he knows so much and then calls me lazy and a liar (never mind that he and I are different nationalities which means our visa requirements aren't the same).
Nope, I showed her all the documentation, she wanted to know why I hadn't bothered to tell her about my visa before. Things calmed down and we went back to her asking me 3x a month if I had my visa yet.
This month she freaked out completely and started yelling at me that I still didn't have my visa and her coworker told her that I was lying. She shouted and called me lazy and a liar, again, so I told her I'd had it and I was out of the vacation. Her language got really colorful so I politely ended the call.

I've now deeply and mortally offended her because I'm younger than her and I was the one who cancelled the trip - I have no right to cancel anything, only she can and she still wanted to go. I also ended the call first because she was merely screaming at me. Only the person who is older can end the phone call. And if someone older than you is yelling at you? You have to accept it.

Ah, no.

So many signs... I hate it when I'm oblivious (my first word choice was stupid).

Friend? How was she ever a friend? Sounds like an absolute lunatic. Imagine traveling with her.

Offline yirgacheffe

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2244 on: October 26, 2016, 06:33:46 PM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.
Boy that does sound stressful. It's probably for the best that you aren't travelling together, because she might even be more ridiculous on the trip. I hope you are still able to go on the trip and have a good time!

For me and my friend planning was okay, but the actual trip was not what I thought it would be. Turns out she's super controlling and doesn't listen to anyone's opinion but her own. She's hoping to travel again together next year but I'm hoping my sister will visit so I can say I'm unavailable.

Just say you're unavailable anyway even if your sister doesn't come.

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2245 on: October 26, 2016, 06:44:39 PM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.

I was supposed to go on vacation with a friend. She really wanted to travel and she was saying that her family and friends don't like travelling with her but she didn't want to travel alone so she suggested we travel together. 
Now, I need a visa, she doesn't. The earliest I can apply for my visa is in November. I told her this, she said she was fine with it. But ever since May, 3x a month, I've had to tell her, again, why I still haven't applied for my visa.
I can bear repeating the same thing over and over again. What gets my goat, is that in July she spoke to a coworker of hers who told her I was being lazy and I was a liar and I could get my visa any time I wanted. She calls me, gleefully tells me what her coworker says and says she agrees with him because he travels all around the world and he knows so much and then calls me lazy and a liar (never mind that he and I are different nationalities which means our visa requirements aren't the same).
Nope, I showed her all the documentation, she wanted to know why I hadn't bothered to tell her about my visa before. Things calmed down and we went back to her asking me 3x a month if I had my visa yet.
This month she freaked out completely and started yelling at me that I still didn't have my visa and her coworker told her that I was lying. She shouted and called me lazy and a liar, again, so I told her I'd had it and I was out of the vacation. Her language got really colorful so I politely ended the call.

I've now deeply and mortally offended her because I'm younger than her and I was the one who cancelled the trip - I have no right to cancel anything, only she can and she still wanted to go. I also ended the call first because she was merely screaming at me. Only the person who is older can end the phone call. And if someone older than you is yelling at you? You have to accept it.

Ah, no.

So many signs... I hate it when I'm oblivious (my first word choice was stupid).

Friend? How was she ever a friend? Sounds like an absolute lunatic. Imagine traveling with her.

My wife forgot her passport for our honeymoon (luckily we were at the train station and not the airport when she noticed). I got the blame. That was a good start to the marriage. The mother in law said it was my fault and I laughed in her face. I ain't got time for that sort of shit.

Offline HaLo3

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2246 on: October 26, 2016, 06:48:51 PM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.

I was supposed to go on vacation with a friend. She really wanted to travel and she was saying that her family and friends don't like travelling with her but she didn't want to travel alone so she suggested we travel together. 
Now, I need a visa, she doesn't. The earliest I can apply for my visa is in November. I told her this, she said she was fine with it. But ever since May, 3x a month, I've had to tell her, again, why I still haven't applied for my visa.
I can bear repeating the same thing over and over again. What gets my goat, is that in July she spoke to a coworker of hers who told her I was being lazy and I was a liar and I could get my visa any time I wanted. She calls me, gleefully tells me what her coworker says and says she agrees with him because he travels all around the world and he knows so much and then calls me lazy and a liar (never mind that he and I are different nationalities which means our visa requirements aren't the same).
Nope, I showed her all the documentation, she wanted to know why I hadn't bothered to tell her about my visa before. Things calmed down and we went back to her asking me 3x a month if I had my visa yet.
This month she freaked out completely and started yelling at me that I still didn't have my visa and her coworker told her that I was lying. She shouted and called me lazy and a liar, again, so I told her I'd had it and I was out of the vacation. Her language got really colorful so I politely ended the call.

I've now deeply and mortally offended her because I'm younger than her and I was the one who cancelled the trip - I have no right to cancel anything, only she can and she still wanted to go. I also ended the call first because she was merely screaming at me. Only the person who is older can end the phone call. And if someone older than you is yelling at you? You have to accept it.

Ah, no.

So many signs... I hate it when I'm oblivious (my first word choice was stupid).

Friend? How was she ever a friend? Sounds like an absolute lunatic. Imagine traveling with her.

My wife forgot her passport for our honeymoon (luckily we were at the train station and not the airport when she noticed). I got the blame. That was a good start to the marriage. The mother in law said it was my fault and I laughed in her face. I ain't got time for that sort of shit.
How did they get to that point? You're the man and need to take care of all your wife's responsibility? People forget passports, its a fairly common mistake. No reason to point the blame (especially as an outside party, like the MIL).

Offline donovan

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2247 on: October 27, 2016, 10:44:17 AM »
Death of a friendship = planning a vacation together.

I was supposed to go on vacation with a friend. She really wanted to travel and she was saying that her family and friends don't like travelling with her but she didn't want to travel alone so she suggested we travel together. 
Now, I need a visa, she doesn't. The earliest I can apply for my visa is in November. I told her this, she said she was fine with it. But ever since May, 3x a month, I've had to tell her, again, why I still haven't applied for my visa.
I can bear repeating the same thing over and over again. What gets my goat, is that in July she spoke to a coworker of hers who told her I was being lazy and I was a liar and I could get my visa any time I wanted. She calls me, gleefully tells me what her coworker says and says she agrees with him because he travels all around the world and he knows so much and then calls me lazy and a liar (never mind that he and I are different nationalities which means our visa requirements aren't the same).
Nope, I showed her all the documentation, she wanted to know why I hadn't bothered to tell her about my visa before. Things calmed down and we went back to her asking me 3x a month if I had my visa yet.
This month she freaked out completely and started yelling at me that I still didn't have my visa and her coworker told her that I was lying. She shouted and called me lazy and a liar, again, so I told her I'd had it and I was out of the vacation. Her language got really colorful so I politely ended the call.

I've now deeply and mortally offended her because I'm younger than her and I was the one who cancelled the trip - I have no right to cancel anything, only she can and she still wanted to go. I also ended the call first because she was merely screaming at me. Only the person who is older can end the phone call. And if someone older than you is yelling at you? You have to accept it.

Ah, no.

So many signs... I hate it when I'm oblivious (my first word choice was stupid).

What nationality is your friend, out of curiosity?

Offline moonbrie

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2248 on: October 27, 2016, 11:04:33 AM »
I think my boss teacher definitely (not so) secretly hates me. Whenever I do anything wrong (or just something she doesn't like) she always says "everyone saw [whatever]"

Last week when we had that fight, I don't remember if I wrote here, but she kept saying at one point "Everyone sees you" and I asked what that meant and she just repeated herself "Everyone sees you everyday" I said something like, ok, I'm sorry that no one likes me, and she said that wasn't what she meant

(On my mind because she got upset at me for something today and went on about how "everyone saw")
I'm curious as well, what that could possibly mean. Is this the same one who you had the big argument with?

Always. I almost never have a problem with anyone other than her. On the one or two occasions I had a problem with any of my other cots we just talked it out calmly and clearly like adults.

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. Lately I've been starting to wonder if actually I'm just intolerable and she's the only one who will say so. I know I'm not perfect and I'm young and inexperienced but I like to think I'm not a complete fuckup.

(Also whoever it was that suggested I say "everyone sees you too" .... imagining the look on her face gave me a good laugh haha. I don't want to rock the boat anymore than I do by existing though)

Offline DMZabductee

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2249 on: October 27, 2016, 12:45:09 PM »
I'm a fairly new public school teacher (2 months), and due to some schedule changes I had to teach a 6th grade class without my coteacher last week. This was the first time that I taught without a coteacher in the classroom.

Things were going well until the end of class, when two boys got in a fight during a group activity. I didn't realize how serious it was until one of the boys started punching the other one in the head. I immediately yelled and stepped in between them. I took them in the hallway and rambled at them in English for a minute or two, then brought them back in and continued class. As soon as class was over, one of the boys ran away but I took the other to their homeroom teacher to explain what happened.

Fast forward to the next day, and my coteacher asks me to tell her what happened. I explained the situation to her, and to my surprise she seemed upset with me! She said that because of my contract, I shouldn't be teaching alone and that one of the students parents could call and get us in trouble. She also insinuated that it was my fault, for not keeping the class under control.

Since that incident, she hasn't apologized for leaving me in that situation, and has been especially cold and distant from me.

It was stressful enough to have to break up a fight on my first lesson alone, and now my coteacher is just adding to my stress by treating me like I can't handle leading the class. (I lead every other grade by myself, so I don't think that is the problem.)

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Feeling very frustrated!

Sounds like you did nothing "wrong" except you caused your CT to lose face when it came out that she wasn't in your class. CTs are supposed to be in the room with you. Everyone knows that.

The 6th grade class' homeroom teacher probably brought it up to your CT who then lost face. Now she's embarrassed but is taking it out on you passive-aggressively as you're lowest on the hierarchy.

Sucks, but that's how it goes here. Just keep doing your best and if a situation like this comes up again, talk to the CT first before involving anyone else.

Offline Dave Stepz

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2250 on: October 27, 2016, 12:46:43 PM »
I'm a fairly new public school teacher (2 months), and due to some schedule changes I had to teach a 6th grade class without my coteacher last week. This was the first time that I taught without a coteacher in the classroom.

Things were going well until the end of class, when two boys got in a fight during a group activity. I didn't realize how serious it was until one of the boys started punching the other one in the head. I immediately yelled and stepped in between them. I took them in the hallway and rambled at them in English for a minute or two, then brought them back in and continued class. As soon as class was over, one of the boys ran away but I took the other to their homeroom teacher to explain what happened.

Fast forward to the next day, and my coteacher asks me to tell her what happened. I explained the situation to her, and to my surprise she seemed upset with me! She said that because of my contract, I shouldn't be teaching alone and that one of the students parents could call and get us in trouble. She also insinuated that it was my fault, for not keeping the class under control.

Since that incident, she hasn't apologized for leaving me in that situation, and has been especially cold and distant from me.

It was stressful enough to have to break up a fight on my first lesson alone, and now my coteacher is just adding to my stress by treating me like I can't handle leading the class. (I lead every other grade by myself, so I don't think that is the problem.)

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Feeling very frustrated!

Firstly, don't worry about it.  You did nothing wrong, especially given you are new to teaching  here.  Every situation is different and people react in different ways.  Stopping the fight and cooling it down were the important things to do.  The fact that a student ran away after the class is not your fault.  Running away can happen after any classes, not only yours, so don't feel guilty about it.

As for your co-teacher.  If she comments that your contract says you are not allowed to teach alone (not forgetting that we teach alone for after-school classes) why did she mention it.  That makes it her fault.  Sounds like she is transferring the guilt to you, when that is not the right thing to do.  It will all blow over so don't worry about it or make a point about it.  Tomorrow is another day.

Offline zola

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2251 on: October 27, 2016, 12:48:18 PM »
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book that Korean females have down to a science. They make a mistake, do something wrong, cause a problem and they get angry at YOU. My wife used to be a master at it. Also experienced it with co-workers. Completely fark something up, get called out and turn around and get angry at the person who called them out. Deflection in it's finest form.

Online Kayos

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2252 on: October 27, 2016, 01:35:07 PM »
I think my boss teacher definitely (not so) secretly hates me. Whenever I do anything wrong (or just something she doesn't like) she always says "everyone saw [whatever]"

Last week when we had that fight, I don't remember if I wrote here, but she kept saying at one point "Everyone sees you" and I asked what that meant and she just repeated herself "Everyone sees you everyday" I said something like, ok, I'm sorry that no one likes me, and she said that wasn't what she meant

(On my mind because she got upset at me for something today and went on about how "everyone saw")
I'm curious as well, what that could possibly mean. Is this the same one who you had the big argument with?

Always. I almost never have a problem with anyone other than her. On the one or two occasions I had a problem with any of my other cots we just talked it out calmly and clearly like adults.

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. Lately I've been starting to wonder if actually I'm just intolerable and she's the only one who will say so. I know I'm not perfect and I'm young and inexperienced but I like to think I'm not a complete fuckup.

(Also whoever it was that suggested I say "everyone sees you too" .... imagining the look on her face gave me a good laugh haha. I don't want to rock the boat anymore than I do by existing though)

Glad I was able to give you a laugh. :D My reasoning was: if you don't understand because of a lack of context, take it at face value - everyone sees you. Well, everyone sees you too; we are in an office / school. Everyone sees everyone. :P
Maybe saying it like that, with the office / school bit will give you some context. :P

But don't let it get you down, champ!

Offline moonbrie

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2253 on: October 27, 2016, 01:44:31 PM »
I think my boss teacher definitely (not so) secretly hates me. Whenever I do anything wrong (or just something she doesn't like) she always says "everyone saw [whatever]"

Last week when we had that fight, I don't remember if I wrote here, but she kept saying at one point "Everyone sees you" and I asked what that meant and she just repeated herself "Everyone sees you everyday" I said something like, ok, I'm sorry that no one likes me, and she said that wasn't what she meant

(On my mind because she got upset at me for something today and went on about how "everyone saw")
I'm curious as well, what that could possibly mean. Is this the same one who you had the big argument with?

Always. I almost never have a problem with anyone other than her. On the one or two occasions I had a problem with any of my other cots we just talked it out calmly and clearly like adults.

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. Lately I've been starting to wonder if actually I'm just intolerable and she's the only one who will say so. I know I'm not perfect and I'm young and inexperienced but I like to think I'm not a complete fuckup.

(Also whoever it was that suggested I say "everyone sees you too" .... imagining the look on her face gave me a good laugh haha. I don't want to rock the boat anymore than I do by existing though)

Glad I was able to give you a laugh. :D My reasoning was: if you don't understand because of a lack of context, take it at face value - everyone sees you. Well, everyone sees you too; we are in an office / school. Everyone sees everyone. :P
Maybe saying it like that, with the office / school bit will give you some context. :P

But don't let it get you down, champ!

Thanks. After next week, I won't have any more textbook classes to teach with her at least. Not that she won't still hassle me about things like bread and coffee but at least she won't be hassling me about how I do my job (since she's generally loved my non-textbook classes in the past)

Offline yirgacheffe

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2254 on: October 27, 2016, 01:48:02 PM »
After next week, I won't have any more textbook classes to teach with her at least. Not that she won't still hassle me about things like bread and coffee but at least she won't be hassling me about how I do my job (since she's generally loved my non-textbook classes in the past)

I hope things will get less stressful, then, in the coming weeks. :azn: Also, now I want bread and coffee. Damn you. :evil:

Offline moonbrie

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2255 on: October 27, 2016, 01:53:08 PM »
After next week, I won't have any more textbook classes to teach with her at least. Not that she won't still hassle me about things like bread and coffee but at least she won't be hassling me about how I do my job (since she's generally loved my non-textbook classes in the past)

I hope things will get less stressful, then, in the coming weeks. :azn: Also, now I want bread and coffee. Damn you. :evil:

We have some surprisingly tasty cheese/cranberry/sesame bread in the office today

Offline donovan

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2256 on: October 27, 2016, 02:20:19 PM »
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book that Korean females have down to a science. They make a mistake, do something wrong, cause a problem and they get angry at YOU. My wife used to be a master at it. Also experienced it with co-workers. Completely fark something up, get called out and turn around and get angry at the person who called them out. Deflection in it's finest form.

Now a used-to-be wife or no longer a master?

Offline sevenpm

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2257 on: October 27, 2016, 02:47:25 PM »
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book that Korean females have down to a science. They make a mistake, do something wrong, cause a problem and they get angry at YOU. My wife used to be a master at it. Also experienced it with co-workers. Completely fark something up, get called out and turn around and get angry at the person who called them out. Deflection in it's finest form.

Is it just Korean women? Because my exboyfriend (Korean) was really good at that too. At first I didn't even realize he was doing it, but when I did I felt totally manipulated  >:(

Offline zola

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2258 on: October 27, 2016, 02:53:01 PM »
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book that Korean females have down to a science. They make a mistake, do something wrong, cause a problem and they get angry at YOU. My wife used to be a master at it. Also experienced it with co-workers. Completely fark something up, get called out and turn around and get angry at the person who called them out. Deflection in it's finest form.

Now a used-to-be wife or no longer a master?
It was the one thing that pissed me off the most, so after she denied she did it for a while, she accepted that it did happen and she would try hard not to do it anymore. And she has been true to her word.
In return I promised I would try to swear less while driving together. That's been a harder promise to keep.

Online Mr.DeMartino

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Re: RANTING/VENTING MEGATHREAD 3.0
« Reply #2259 on: October 31, 2016, 09:44:54 AM »
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book that Korean females have down to a science. They make a mistake, do something wrong, cause a problem and they get angry at YOU. My wife used to be a master at it. Also experienced it with co-workers. Completely fark something up, get called out and turn around and get angry at the person who called them out. Deflection in it's finest form.

Is it just Korean women? Because my exboyfriend (Korean) was really good at that too. At first I didn't even realize he was doing it, but when I did I felt totally manipulated  >:(

That's every bad bf/gf around the world.  They seem always follow the same pattern. Even outside relationships look at the posts about work or whatever here that have the phrase "I know I was kind of in the wrong/being a jerk BUT..."

 

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