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Author Topic: Scolding Crying Children  (Read 1132 times)

Offline spasch

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Scolding Crying Children
« on: December 08, 2016, 02:23:14 PM »
I am posting this out of genuine interest in your opinions on the matter as this subject invites questions about culture, parenting, teaching, classroom management, and child psychology.  I know that there is more than one way to skin a cat when it comes to raising happy, healthy, well adjusted children and am never quick to shun different styles of discipline.  Several of my coworkers scold children when they cry.  Yes, indeed, some students cry to excuse themselves from assignments, tests, and activities. That shouldn't be enforced. But knocking them while they're down with a big, booming adult voice, especially much younger children? It makes me uneasy.

1.) Do you think it's appropriate for teachers to scold children when they cry? Is a "tough love" approach important as we teach students to control their emotions and take responsibility for their actions with more poise and maturity?

2.) Does the NET, under any circumstances, have a right to scold a child when he or she is crying?

3.) Does the NET, under any circumstances, have a right to comfort a crying child that has just been scolded, with reassuring words or gestures? Do you run the risk of creating a "good cop, bad cop" dynamic and damaging the professional relationship with your coworker?

4.) Did your teachers and/or parents scold you for crying? If so, do you believe this made you stronger, more composed, or less emotionally dependent?

I want to hear your thoughts.

FYI, I'm a big softie when it comes to this. All I want to do is comfort, comfort when I see tears. Yet I hold back if I notice the teacher doesn't like that.

Offline friendofcletus

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2016, 02:35:03 PM »
Ignore them unless they are crying because of physical pain.


Offline Piggydee

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2016, 02:38:32 PM »
1.) I think a lot of the children here cry like you said to get out of obligations.  Sometimes they even cry louder when a Korean teacher is scolding them not to cry.  So it seems counterproductive, in my opinion BUT I understand the teacher's frustration.

2.) I simply give a look of disappoint and I go get their homeroom teacher or (돌봄) afterschool caretaker if the child resorts to scream crying. :rolleyes:  Yeah I'm not about to get gray hairs over that and neither should you.

3. I was actually scolded by my co-worker (not my co-teacher) about coddling a crying 1st grader.  They told me not to baby him because he needs to stop acting like a baby.  If they hurt themselves (tripped, etc.) Then yes you should.  If they are crying because they are arguing with a classmate than no.

4. From what I remember no.   A lot of them, even my parents just walked away.  From the time I remember I do was SCREAM crying which in my 1st grade mind (I thought was a way to really hammer home the idea that I want what I want) but in reality just turned people off.  So I stopped doing that because I saw it produced no results. 

When it comes to matters of punishment and correcting behaviors in this country I am going to leave it to the Koreans.  I had a moment last weekend where I was being very stern (maybe too stern) with a kid who was behaving like an utter brat and I felt that maybe my sternness was too much (I kept him two minutes after school) that I really felt I was in jeopardy of losing my job or not getting re-signed.  So from now on I'm just going to ask the student to leave the room and if that doesn't work I will go find someone to solve the problem for me.   

Offline flyingspider

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2016, 03:03:23 PM »
If they were teasing another kid which escalated into beating the tar out of them which turned into angry crying when I had to pull them apart (these darn 4th grade boys lately), then I'm going to scold them.

If they're crying because another student was picking on them then I try to fix the problem and comfort the crying student.

If they're crying because they think something different should have happened in a game (my coteacher had a boy start crying during her class when they were playing "pass the ball") then I try to understand whatever made them mad, or if I can't do that I try to direct the other students back to the activity and let the crying kid calm down on his own.

Offline SaintsCanada

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2016, 03:07:22 PM »
It's illegal now to ask students to leave the classroom. They passed a national law/rule about that about 3 or 4 years ago.

OP, I think you're asking all the right questions. And I think Piggydee is right that this sort of thing is best left to Koreans, unless you teach alone. I personally wouldn't scold a child for crying, but also wouldn't let them off the hook just because they're crying.

Definitely DON'T create a good cop/bad cop situation or belie to the students that you and your co-teacher disagree about discipline issues.

BearPig91

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2016, 04:14:19 PM »
I do what my boss/seniors tell me to do. If they tell me to scold them, then I scold 'em.
Personally, I'd coddle them cause that's how I was raised... it's sad to see someone cry.

Offline pkjh

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2016, 05:24:18 PM »
It's illegal now to ask students to leave the classroom. They passed a national law/rule about that about 3 or 4 years ago.
That is wrong. Things like this, and corporal punishments is up to the provincial school board. And roughly half of them have made it 'inadvisable'. It's basically split along Korea's version of liberal, and conservative, lines.

Offline Piggydee

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2016, 05:31:53 PM »
Well maybe for your school SaintsCanada but I was never told this and the 5th grade teacher is well aware that I throw them out of class (more like ask them politely to "step outside so you can think about your behavior")  And I was never told by anyone that what I was doing was "illegal"  just one more thing to add to the "don't do anything, don't say anything" protocol for bad behavior here.  No wonder South Korea didn't even rank in the 10 top of the PISA global test  http://edition.cnn.com/2016/12/06/world/pisa-global-education-rankings/index.html....(and USA ranks 25...but that's expected when kids rather play knock out the teacher in school and sit and pay attention)

Seriously if we can't control behavior than how can kids learn....I guess they don't..... :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


Offline Aurata

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2016, 03:01:05 AM »
Several of my coworkers scold children when they cry.
...
But knocking them while they're down with a big, booming adult voice, especially much younger children? It makes me uneasy.

I have noticed this as a broader general phenomenon in this society.

Koreans tend to immediately jump on any perceived emotional weakness. A lot of the time, the child is being authentic and vulnerable. This gets ruthlessly punished in this society: you are supposed to wear a mask at all times.

The result? A society in which people are constantly acting like they are on a stage. Their real self has been denied and buried long ago.

Westerners tend to experience the same treatment if you try and be polite and courteous. It is perceived as weakness, and the weak must be mercilessly crushed, instantly.
The amount of times I have seen well-meaning politeness from westerners draw horrendous rudeness from Koreans in return is too many to count. It gets a bit hurtful actually.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2016, 03:03:14 AM by Aurata »
Imagine your Korea...

Offline SaintsCanada

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Re: Scolding Crying Children
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2016, 10:30:04 AM »
It's illegal now to ask students to leave the classroom. They passed a national law/rule about that about 3 or 4 years ago.
That is wrong. Things like this, and corporal punishments is up to the provincial school board. And roughly half of them have made it 'inadvisable'. It's basically split along Korea's version of liberal, and conservative, lines.

Ah, my bad. Perhaps it is a provincial law in Gyeonggi. That's where I was teaching at the time I was notified about the (at the time) new rule.

 

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